{"id":37681,"date":"2020-08-11T12:20:42","date_gmt":"2020-08-11T16:20:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/?p=37681"},"modified":"2022-01-08T18:05:36","modified_gmt":"2022-01-08T23:05:36","slug":"caroline-leavitt-five-things-i-learned-writing-with-or-without-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/2020\/08\/11\/caroline-leavitt-five-things-i-learned-writing-with-or-without-you\/","title":{"rendered":"Caroline Leavitt: Five Things I Learned Writing With Or Without You"},"content":{"rendered":"

New York Times Bestselling author Caroline Leavitt<\/span>\u2019<\/span>s 12th novel<\/span>, With or Without You is <\/span>a Public Library Association Buzz Book<\/span> and <\/span>A Publisher<\/span>\u2019<\/span>s Weekly Fall Book of Note, and <\/span>already has a <\/span>starred Kirkus and Booklist raves that it <\/span>\u201c<\/span>Packs an emotional wallop<\/span>.<\/span>\u201d<\/span> About three peoples<\/span>\u2019<\/span> lives<\/span> that all<\/span> disrupted when one comes out of a coma with both a personality change and a prodigious new talent, it<\/span>\u2019<\/span>s <\/span>a suspenseful literary look at love, fame and its di<\/span>scontents, who we are, and who we would like to <\/span>be.<\/span> Her work has appeared <\/span>in The Daily B<\/span>e<\/span>ast,<\/span> New York magazine, Modern Love in the New York Times, The Millions, Poets <\/span>& Writers and more.<\/span><\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Writing sometimes makes, rather than heals trauma, before <\/span>it makes things okay again.<\/span><\/h2>\n

My novels tend to gestate for years before I know enough to write them. \u00a0Twenty<\/span>-four years ago I was in a medical coma myself for 3 weeks, and in the hospital not expected to surv<\/span>ive for <\/span>3<\/span> mo<\/span>nths, and then ho<\/span>me and sick for a year. But they had given me memory blockers so <\/span>I<\/span> wouldn<\/span>\u2019<\/span>t remember the trauma, so when <\/span>I<\/span> did get well, I couldn<\/span>\u2019<\/span>t process what I had been through.<\/span> I had all sorts of<\/span> PTSD things going on. <\/span>Certain colors or smells wou<\/span>ld make me break out into a panic attack, and I was afraid to go to sleep.<\/span> When I asked my family and friends who had b<\/span>een around, they were so traumatized, they couldn<\/span>\u2019<\/span>t speak about <\/span>any of it without getting really, really upset.<\/span><\/p>\n

A friend of mine, a shrink, told me to write it out, that the brain doesn<\/span>\u2019<\/span>t know the difference<\/span>, that people in hy<\/span>pnos<\/span>is will shiver if they are told it is freezing<\/span>. \u00a0So I did, writing<\/span> this novel <\/span>Comi<\/span>ng<\/span> Back to Me<\/span>, about a woman just like me who goes in coma after a child. And it didn<\/span>\u2019<\/span>t heal me.<\/span><\/p>\n

So<\/span> years passed, and I was still afraid to go to sleep and I began to think <\/span>that maybe my mistake had been writing about someone like me, that maybe I needed to write <\/span>about Stella, who unlike me, is aware and remembers EVERYTHING. And unlike me, she wakes with a personali<\/span>ty change and brilliant new <\/span>creative <\/span>a<\/span>bility. Writing <\/span>Stella<\/span>, experiencing what I hadn<\/span>\u2019<\/span>t been able to before, healed<\/span>me<\/span> in so many ways<\/span>. When<\/span> I finished my first coma novel, I was sad. But <\/span>I wrote <\/span>With or Without You<\/span>, <\/span>I felt this incredible<\/span> sense of wonder and hope. And yeah, happiness<\/span>, t<\/span>oo, because I w<\/span>a<\/span>s freed of that past<\/span> and I had come to reali<\/span>ze that the mind is more incredible than we can imagine.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hysteria sometimes is a good omen.<\/span><\/h2>\n

Here I am, with a month to go before my novel is due, and I am sitting in my writing office, pages spread around me, hysterically<\/span> crying<\/span>. Nothing seems to be working. The characters I worked so hard on feel flat to me and I want to slap them. The writing seems truncated to me and I don<\/span>\u2019<\/span>t know how to fix it. I sob until my husband comes in<\/span> and as soon as he sees the scene and the <\/span>pages, the alarm on his face relaxes. He puts one arm around me. <\/span>\u201c<\/span>You always do this,<\/span>\u201d<\/span> he says gently. <\/span>He tells me it is the calm before the storm that puts a finish on the work, and guess what, he<\/span>\u2019<\/span>s right. He leaves me to it, and I begin to remap <\/span>out scenes, to reorganize, to ask myself constant <\/span>questions about what people are doing and why. Oh yeah, it takes me the whole month but at the end, I<\/span>\u2019<\/span>m exhausted, and wh<\/span>ile I remain <\/span>unsure about whether or not I<\/span>\u2019<\/span>ve w<\/span>ritten a good book (<\/span>I leave that for my agent and editor to tell me), I at le<\/span>ast know that I<\/span>\u2019<\/span>ve done absolutely everything I can to get the story to work<\/span> and for right now, anyway, I<\/span>\u2019<\/span>m done, I<\/span>\u2019<\/span>m done, I<\/span>\u2019<\/span>m <\/span>done.<\/span><\/p>\n

If I call backstory something else, then I can get it to work<\/span>.<\/span><\/h2>\n

I<\/span>\u2019<\/span>ve al<\/span>ways had a huge backstory problem. Give me a character and <\/span>I<\/span> tend to want to go back generations<\/span>. Every editor I<\/span>\u2019<\/span>ve had has tried to <\/span>pull me back from that, but I<\/span>\u2019<\/span>ve been stubborn. But this book, my old Algonquin editor had left<\/span> and I had a new one, Chuck Adams, and <\/span>the first thing he said was, <\/span>\u201c<\/span>We <\/span>have to work on your backstory issue.<\/span>\u201d<\/span> I panicked. A lot. <\/span><\/p>\n

We did a lot <\/span>of talking, a lot of rewrites, and <\/span>finally, frustrated, I cut up all the backstory and sp<\/span>read it on the floor to see what needed to be there and why. And to my astonishment, I realized it wa<\/span>sn<\/span>\u2019<\/span>t the backstory that w<\/span>a<\/span>s the problem, it w<\/span>as where I was putting it.<\/span><\/p>\n

You want to think of your novel as one narrative driv<\/span>ing line, but that line can trigger things in the past<\/span>, and when those things are trigger<\/span>ed, they change the character in that present driving line and then it works!<\/span><\/p>\n

For example, <\/span>one of my characters, Libby<\/span>, <\/span>a doctor and Stella<\/span>\u2019<\/span>s <\/span>best friend, <\/span>is haunted by her past. She be<\/span>lieves she caused her <\/span>little <\/span>brother<\/span>\u2019<\/span>s death<\/span>. To get the full impact of that, I was sure we had to live through that day along with young Libby<\/span>, we had to feel everything she was feeling. But where was I going to put it? I couldn<\/span>\u2019<\/span>t just have<\/span> L<\/span>i<\/span>bby <\/span>be <\/span>talking<\/span> to Stella and saying, <\/span>\u201c<\/span>Oh, by the way, let me tell you the story of what happened to my baby brother,<\/span>\u201d<\/span> and then go off for half an hour abou<\/span>t it.<\/span>So then I began to think of triggers. Libby<\/span> and <\/span>S<\/span>tella have a falling out about something major, and unable to cope, Libby goes to see a shrink, and it<\/span>\u2019<\/span>s the shrink who tells her she h<\/span>as to go back to her old neighborhood and find out what really happened. We<\/span>\u2019<\/span>re still in the pre<\/span>sent <\/span>but whi<\/span>le<\/span> Libby is alone and traveling <\/span>, she tells us about that day,<\/span> as if it is front story, and happening, so we feel the trauma. Then, when she gets to the place, in the present narrative line, she talks to a few people, and when s<\/span>he discovers new information abo<\/span>ut that day, she is totally changed.<\/span><\/p>\n

I<\/span> don\u2019t<\/span> have to <\/span>love<\/span> my characters but I have to understand them.<\/span><\/h2>\n

In the beginning was Simon, in his forties, a once famous rock and roller with <\/span>women hurling themselves at him<\/span>, but now age has come <\/span>calling<\/span>. He puts mascara on his gray temples, he works out so he can fit into the same lucky jeans he wore when he was twenty, and he<\/span>\u2019<\/span>s <\/span>so desperate for his <\/span>new <\/span>big break that Stella, his <\/span>longtime<\/span> partner and very practical nurse, is ready to leave him.<\/span><\/p>\n

W<\/span>hen I showed initial pages <\/span>to other <\/span>people, the comments were always <\/span>the<\/span> same: <\/span>Simon<\/span>\u2019<\/span>s a jerk. Why doesn<\/span>\u2019<\/span>t Stella boot him out?<\/span> What a big bab<\/span>y.<\/span> Simon was really the <\/span>thorniest<\/span> character I had to write.<\/span><\/p>\n

U<\/span>sually<\/span> I adore my characters from the get-go, but Simon was a tougher nut to crack,<\/span> mostly because his <\/span>rock star persona isn<\/span>\u2019<\/span>t one I<\/span>\u2019<\/span>ve ever liked. So I began to feel it was both my job to come to love him and to make readers love him<\/span>, too. I dug deeper<\/span>. What was it that had happened to hi<\/span>m in his past to make him this way? <\/span>What was his <\/span>\u201c<\/span>save the cat<\/span>\u201d<\/span> moment (you know, when the killer stops his killing to rush into a house and save a kitten?) I began to post photos of hin around my office to feel like I was living with him. I asked hi<\/span>m questions: What do you really need?<\/span>\u201d<\/span> and then let him just tell me. And I began to realize that he had grown <\/span>up under parents who didn<\/span>\u2019<\/span>t think music<\/span>\u2014<\/span>or <\/span>he<\/span>\u2014<\/span>were <\/span>worthwhile. <\/span>And then it struck me. Sim<\/span>on just wants to be seen and loved, and all of the music biz was just a barrier to that instead of the gateway he thought it was. And also, he loved <\/span>Stell<\/span>a. <\/span>He began to grow up. And by the end of the book, Simon was someone in my life and in my h<\/span>eart.<\/span><\/p>\n

In writing abou<\/span>t fame, <\/span>I<\/span> discovered it didn<\/span>\u2019<\/span>t mean what I thought it did. <\/span><\/h2>\n

I thought I had made peace with the whole idea of fame and not fame. My first novel made me the flavor of <\/span>the<\/span> month and I thought it would always be that way, but it wasn<\/span>\u2019<\/span>t. My publisher went out of business! I had a <\/span>3-book<\/span> deal where the major publisher did no promotion and I had no sales. I got another 3-book deal,<\/span> and it happened again, and maki<\/span>ng things more difficult for me was the fact that all my writing friends were building real careers, winning p<\/span>rizes, getting known. \u00a0When my 9<\/span>th<\/span> novel w<\/span>as rejected on contract, I was sure my career was over. Who was going to buy<\/span> a book from someone with no sales? <\/span>I cried<\/span>, and then a friend suggested an editor for me, and to my s<\/span>urprise, she bought that unspecial book. Even more unexpected, it got into 6 printings before it wa<\/span>s published and becam<\/span>e a New York Times Bestseller it<\/span>s second week. My next novel with Algonquin<\/span> was also a NYT bestseller, but it didn<\/span>\u2019<\/span>t feel the way I thought it would.<\/span> I still <\/span>was desperate for<\/span> more, more, more.<\/span><\/p>\n

But the unhappier Simon was with his life, the more I realized I had to stop doing what he was doing<\/span>\u2014<\/span>checking <\/span>every<\/span> place for reviews or news of me, comparing myself nonstop to every other writer on the planet, wondering every second what people thought of me. <\/span>In writing about Simon, I realized, that his issue was fame <\/span>was<\/span> really an identity issues, a wound from childhood that he had to heal if he wanted to have a happier, saner life. And as I wrote that for him, I realized that was my issue, too<\/span> and I needed to dig <\/span>deeper into it.<\/span><\/p>\n

Simon<\/span>\u2019<\/span>s not <\/span>famous<\/span>.<\/span> I <\/span>don\u2019t<\/span> consider myself famous. But because of <\/span>With or Without You<\/span>, we<\/span>\u2019<\/span>re both happy<\/span>, and that makes all the difference to both of us<\/span>.<\/span><\/p>\n

Caroline Leavitt: Website<\/a><\/p>\n

With or Without You: Indiebound<\/a> | Bookshop<\/a> | Amazon<\/a><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

New York Times Bestselling author Caroline Leavitt\u2019s 12th novel, With or Without You is a Public Library Association Buzz Book and A Publisher\u2019s Weekly Fall Book of Note, and already has a starred Kirkus and Booklist raves that it \u201cPacks an emotional wallop.\u201d About three peoples\u2019 lives that all disrupted when one comes out of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-37681","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"hentry","6":"category-theramble","8":"no-featured-image"},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pv7MR-9NL","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37681","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=37681"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37681\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":37725,"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37681\/revisions\/37725"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=37681"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=37681"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=37681"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}