{"id":32343,"date":"2018-11-27T08:21:01","date_gmt":"2018-11-27T13:21:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/?p=32343"},"modified":"2022-01-10T10:08:02","modified_gmt":"2022-01-10T15:08:02","slug":"gifts-for-writers-2018","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/2018\/11\/27\/gifts-for-writers-2018\/","title":{"rendered":"Gifts For Writers 2018"},"content":{"rendered":"

ONCE AGAIN, THE HOLIDAYS ARE UPON US. And once again the non-writers are wondering, hey, what the sweet hot hell do I get a writer for these gift-giving days? Writers, after all, are a squirrelly lot. What do they need? A box of ideas? Infinite pens? A little Chuck Wendig homunculus who perches on their shoulder and shrieks at them to\u00a0write, write, write you slugabed motherfucker, write?<\/em><\/p>\n

Surely we can come up with better ideas than those.<\/p>\n

(Plus, we’re all sold out of the Wendig Homunculi.)<\/p>\n

And so here, my friends, is the GIFTS FOR WRITERS, 2018.<\/p>\n

*poses on fist with a serious look in a proper author photo*<\/p>\n

Utter Shamelessness, Don’t You Judge Me<\/h2>\n

Did you know I wrote a book? It’s called Damn Fine Story<\/strong> and it’s\u00a0amazing<\/em> okay I don’t know that it’s amazing, but I was told to project confidence, so here we are. More seriously, the goal of the book is to help you understand the fiddly, tinkery, tinkly bits of storytelling. It isn’t a book about writing, but about storytelling in all its forms. And it contains a sassy, masturbatory elk. No other book has that. This is a value. Get it in print<\/a> or eBook<\/a>. And now, audio<\/a>!<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>Also, surely you need a mug.<\/p>\n

Everyone needs a mug.<\/p>\n

You can put all kinds of things in a mug.<\/p>\n

Whiskey. Coffee. Whiskey and coffee. Ice cream. The soul of a cherished foe.<\/p>\n

The Art Harder, Motherfucker mug<\/a> is a popular choice.<\/p>\n

Or Certified Penmonkey<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Or The Secret To Writing<\/a>.<\/p>\n

[Note too on the mugs: coupon code\u00a0CYBRWEEKZAZZ<\/strong> gets you 40% off. And now that I read that I’m pretty sure that says CYBER WEEK ASS except AZZ for ASS because that’s maybe how a robot would say it? A cyber robot? Hm.]<\/p>\n

Shamelessness is now over. Onward, we go.<\/p>\n

Best Made<\/h2>\n

My very good friend Aaron Mahnke<\/a> turned me on (imagine if I just put a period there and left the sentence) to Best Made Company, which offers some very cool things, like, for instance, this bad-ass Field Desk<\/a>. It’s also, um, just shy of two thousand dollars? So, this is definitely one for you one-percenters out there. But it’s\u00a0so damn sexy<\/em>, and the writer in your life will love you forever.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Okay fine<\/em>, they have other cool stuff, too —<\/p>\n

Like this tactical embassy pen<\/a>!<\/p>\n

And if you still dig the idea of a portable writing desk but don’t wanna shell out two grand, maybe two hundred will do you a little better — this one is significantly cheaper, but still does the trick<\/a>.<\/p>\n

And<\/em> if you just want a cheap-ass pen to get for an author’s stocking stuffer: this little 3\/1 (three colors, one pencil) jobby<\/a> gets you maximum value, and it’s great for a writer as they’re doing edits — you got red, blue, black, and a pencil point for various purposes, like crossing stuff out, adding new bits, or just screaming profanity in the margins.<\/p>\n

We Don’t Need Notebooks, But Okay Maybe What About This One?<\/h2>\n

Jesus Christ on a crumbcake, writers receive wayyyyy too many notebooks for the gift-giving holidays. We don’t need more. Stop getting us more. Except —\u00a0except<\/em> —<\/p>\n

I really like this notebook<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Here is why I like this notebook:<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

It’s like how we wrote stories in grade school! You get the text portion below, but you also get a glorious\u00a0imagination window<\/em> at the top, which can be a drawing or a doodle or some mind-mapping or a character portrait or whatfuckingever you wanna put there.<\/p>\n

Baron Fig also has cool desk pads<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Nick Offerman<\/h2>\n

Okay, no, you sadly cannot give Nick Offerman as a gift.<\/p>\n

If you could, I would already have him, you bastards.<\/p>\n

But! You can give a piece of him. Sorta. By which I mean —<\/p>\n

<\/a>Gear from Offerman’s Woodshop!<\/p>\n

Consider: this cool interactive art piece<\/a>. A writer often needs to\u00a0fiddle<\/em> with things at their desk to work off nervous energy and parse difficult story snidbits, so try that. Or, a cool pen-and-pencil holder<\/a>. For a bonus: both of these count as (snicker, tee-hee)\u00a0writer’s blocks<\/em>. Get it! Like writer’s block?<\/p>\n

*stares*<\/p>\n

Shut up.<\/p>\n

Also, there’s his book, Paddle Your Own Canoe<\/strong>, which is not really at all about writing but is, in its own way, very much about writing — about the struggle to Art Harder and in your own way. Worth getting for a writer pal. Check it in print<\/a> or eBook<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Storytelling Games<\/h2>\n

I have long relied upon games to kind of\u00a0loosen up\u00a0<\/em>the ol’ BRAIN GRAVEL, kicking it into scree with the help of fun imagination exercises.<\/p>\n

You may find some joy from:<\/p>\n

Once Upon A Time<\/a>!<\/p>\n

Story Slam<\/a>!<\/p>\n

The Awkward Storyteller<\/a>!<\/p>\n

Or, John August’s new one, AlphaBirds<\/a>, which is kind of a fast-paced, Scrabble-esque card game.<\/p>\n

Self-Care, Motherfuckers<\/h2>\n

Writers are not good at self-care.<\/p>\n

So you need to sometimes give us a little\u00a0nudge<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Consider: a light therapy (SAD) lamp<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Consider: a weighted blanket<\/a>. (Pro-tip, start at 15 lbs.)<\/p>\n

Also: just force us to go somewhere with you. A meal. A small trip. Anything. Get us out of the house and out of our heads. It’s a win for everybody.<\/p>\n

Also: Caffeine, Motherfucker, Do You Speak It<\/h2>\n

Not every writer dunks themselves in a caffeinated bacta tank every morning, but I figure a good number of us enjoy a cup or twelve, so coffee and tea ain’t the worst way to go when finding a good gift for a writer buddy. Tonx, which I used to love before they got bought by the execrable Blue Bottle, has a new service out called YES PLZ COFFEE<\/a>, which is a subscription dealy-o. Then there’s Trade Coffee<\/a>, which is kind of a roaster aggregator — lets you discover new roasters. I currently use and enjoy the hell out of Angel’s Cup<\/a> — a subscription which sends you four blind bags of coffee and then you open them and try them and it’s like a CAROUSEL OF COFFEE DELICIOUSNESS every week or two, and you get to be surprised every time.<\/p>\n

<\/a>And oh, for teas?<\/p>\n

I like T2 Tea<\/a>, but Passenger Coffee<\/a> in Lancaster, PA is now doing great tea options, too.<\/p>\n

Fill Their Brains With Information<\/h2>\n

I am never not<\/em> a fan of great non-fiction.<\/p>\n

It is arguably a thing I read now more than I do fiction — in part because I’m always doing research, and in part because non-fiction gives me new ideas, but fiction gives me someone else’s ideas.<\/p>\n

Here’s a book I just read that I loved:<\/p>\n

Robbing the Bees<\/strong>, by Holley Bishop. It’s a story about beekeeping and, in particular, honey. The history of it! The current practice of it! It’s a delight. Check it in print<\/a> or eBook<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Or what about Myke Cole’s Legion Versus Phalanx<\/strong>? (Print<\/a>, eBook<\/a>.)<\/p>\n

See also: anything by Maryn McKenna<\/a> or Carl Zimmer<\/a>.<\/p>\n

<\/a>And you also have the option of buying classes for your penmonkey buddies. MasterClasses are available, including a new one from Margaret Atwood<\/a>, who is of course your queen and wisely, you will kneel. I SAID KNEEL, RAPSCALLION.<\/p>\n

Buy Their Books, Leave Reviews<\/h2>\n

There may be no greater gift than that, I think: buy their stories, and leave reviews. Tell your friends, tell your enemies. Help us climb out of the oubliette of obscurity. For instance (puts self-promotional top hat back on) did you know I ALSO WRITE BOOKS and you can find them IN PRINT<\/a> and IN THE ELEMTRAMIC BOOK DEVICES<\/a>, yep, wow, whoa. It’s true, it’s true, I heard it from the newsie on the street corner, extree, extree, read all the fuck about it.<\/p>\n

For a bonus: buy them a session with a portrait photographer for a proper author photo.<\/p>\n

Previous Lists From Former Authorial Eras<\/h2>\n

If you wanna check older lists, here are links to 2017<\/a>, 2016<\/a>, 2015<\/a>, 2014<\/a>.<\/p>\n

And that’s it.<\/p>\n

I hope I’ve helped you help a writer. Happy holidays, word-nerds.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

ONCE AGAIN, THE HOLIDAYS ARE UPON US. And once again the non-writers are wondering, hey, what the sweet hot hell do I get a writer for these gift-giving days? Writers, after all, are a squirrelly lot. What do they need? A box of ideas? Infinite pens? A little Chuck Wendig homunculus who perches on their […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":33534,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-32343","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","6":"hentry","7":"category-theramble","9":"has-featured-image"},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/11\/GiftsForWriters2018.jpg?fit=1877%2C626&ssl=1","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pv7MR-8pF","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/32343","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=32343"}],"version-history":[{"count":15,"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/32343\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":33537,"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/32343\/revisions\/33537"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/33534"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=32343"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=32343"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=32343"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}