{"id":31360,"date":"2017-09-05T09:31:12","date_gmt":"2017-09-05T13:31:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/?p=31360"},"modified":"2017-09-05T09:31:12","modified_gmt":"2017-09-05T13:31:12","slug":"tiger-tuesday-with-the-big-cat-blep","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/2017\/09\/05\/tiger-tuesday-with-the-big-cat-blep\/","title":{"rendered":"Tiger Tuesday With The Big Cat Blep"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/a>LOOK, I STOLE A TIGER, OKAY<\/p>\n

THE TIGER IS MINE YOU CANNOT HAVE IT<\/p>\n

I WILL RIDE IT INTO BATTLE AND SLAY MY ENEMIES<\/p>\n

THEN WE WILL TOGETHER PLAY WITH A BIG BALL OF YARN AND BY A BIG BALL OF YARN I MEAN A WAD OF GUTS TORN FROM THE BELLIES OF MY MANY FOES<\/p>\n

MY TIGER’S NAME IS TIGERTAIL JONES<\/p>\n

WITH A SWIPE OF HIS PAW HE CAN ERASE YOUR FACE<\/p>\n

JUST FUCKING ERASE IT<\/p>\n

ONE MINUTE YOU GOT A FACE<\/p>\n

NEXT MINUTE YOUR SKULL IS AN EMPTY CHALKBOARD<\/p>\n

EXCEPT MORE BLOOD AND BONE I GUESS AND LESS CHALKBOARD<\/p>\n

WHATEVER<\/p>\n

OKAY SO IT’S NOT AT ALL LIKE AN EMPTY CHALKBOARD<\/p>\n

SOMETIMES WE WRITERS SWING AND MISS<\/p>\n

DON’T JUDGE ME YOU MOTHERFUCKER OR YOU’LL GET THE TIGER<\/p>\n

LOOK AT HIM<\/p>\n

BEHOLD THE COUNTENANCE OF PREDATORY TERROR<\/p>\n

THAT TONGUE STICKING OUT IS BECAUSE HE’S ALREADY TASTING YOU THE WAY A SNAKE’S TONGUE CAN TASTE THE AIR<\/p>\n

ALSO HE’S PART SNAKE<\/p>\n

I DUNNO, JUST FUCKING GO WITH IT<\/p>\n

YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT HE’LL PEE ON YOU<\/strong><\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

YOU’RE A SNACK TO HIM<\/p>\n

AND A TOILET<\/p>\n

A TIGER TOILET<\/p>\n

…<\/p>\n

Okay,\u00a0fine<\/em>, I did not steal a tiger.<\/p>\n

I did steal this marmoset though<\/strong><\/span><\/a>.<\/p>\n

Let’s see, what else is going on?<\/p>\n

INVASIVE is now $3.99 at Amazon<\/strong><\/span><\/a>, B&N<\/strong><\/span><\/a>, Kobo<\/strong><\/span><\/a>, iBooks<\/strong><\/span><\/a>. Why? I have no idea. I blame the fire ants in Texas. I think it’s a conspiracy. So don’t let them win and buy the book or I’ll send rafts of fire ants to your house, and these are fire ants who washed into a petrochemical plant and then were bathed in strange chemicals and fire, and now they’re super-mutant fire ants, ha ha ha. Just kidding. They’re regular fire ants! Ha ha ha. Fire ants are fun.<\/p>\n

But yeah, you want Crichton-esque\u00a0humans versus genetically designed ant-monsters<\/em>, check it out. You want a futurist FBI consultant who overcomes her anxiety on a day to day basis, check it out. If you want a praying mantis named Buffy, check it out. Plus, free trip to Hawaii.<\/p>\n

\u201cThink Thomas Harris\u2019 Will Graham and Clarice Starling rolled into one and pitched on the knife\u2019s edge of a scenario that makes Jurassic Park look like a carnival ride. Another rip-roaring, deeply paranoid thriller about the reasons to fear the future.\u201d — Kirkus Reviews (starred review)<\/strong><\/p>\n

Blah blah blah, self-promotion over.<\/p>\n

I’m presently reading Phasma<\/strong><\/span><\/a>, by the always-killer Delilah S. Dawson, and it’s a fucking blast. SHINY AND CHROME all the way through. Also I’m not saying there’s a beetle-bearded freak in there named Churkk, but maybe, just maybe,\u00a0there is<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Anyway, that’s it. Light post for today, and likely lighter posts throughout September, since I am on a deadly deadline —\u00a0Exeunt\u00a0<\/strong>continues apace, now over 150,000 words, and still with probably another 40-50k to go, easy. Longest book I’ve ever written.\u00a0The Stand<\/strong> meets\u00a0Station Eleven<\/strong> meets… something else? I dunno. WISH ME LUCK.<\/p>\n

*puts on helmet*<\/p>\n

*illuminates headlamp*<\/p>\n

*descends again into the word mines to chip sweet verbage from the schist*<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

LOOK, I STOLE A TIGER, OKAY THE TIGER IS MINE YOU CANNOT HAVE IT I WILL RIDE IT INTO BATTLE AND SLAY MY ENEMIES THEN WE WILL TOGETHER PLAY WITH A BIG BALL OF YARN AND BY A BIG BALL OF YARN I MEAN A WAD OF GUTS TORN FROM THE BELLIES OF MY MANY […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-31360","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"hentry","6":"category-theramble","8":"no-featured-image"},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pv7MR-89O","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31360","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=31360"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31360\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":31363,"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31360\/revisions\/31363"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=31360"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=31360"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=31360"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}