{"id":31327,"date":"2017-08-21T08:31:07","date_gmt":"2017-08-21T12:31:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/?p=31327"},"modified":"2017-08-21T08:31:07","modified_gmt":"2017-08-21T12:31:07","slug":"macro-monday-brings-the-eclipse-watching-tips","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/2017\/08\/21\/macro-monday-brings-the-eclipse-watching-tips\/","title":{"rendered":"Macro Monday Brings The Eclipse-Watching Tips"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/a><\/p>\n

Hey, look, it’s me, trapped in a frog’s eye, all because I went ahead and upset some wizard. That’s what I get for messing with wizards again! Pesky wizards, always running around, with their magic. Also that’s what I get for misidentifying a toad as a frog!<\/p>\n

Poor toads.<\/p>\n

Anyway.<\/p>\n

Let’s see, what’s going on?<\/p>\n

There be an eclipse today, avast ye scurvy eclipse watchers.<\/p>\n

Here are some vital eclipse tips:<\/p>\n

a) stare at it<\/p>\n

b) stare right at it<\/p>\n

c) keep staring at it until you can see nothing but the glory of the sun<\/p>\n

d) get mad at the grandstanding moon for unfairly maligning the sun<\/p>\n

e) keep staring until all is light<\/p>\n

f) resolve to kill the moon<\/p>\n

g) kill the moon with your mind<\/p>\n

h) become the moon<\/p>\n

i) continue to prop up the sinister sun regime<\/p>\n

j) begin to feel bad about your role in supporting the sun’s heinous activities against the Earth and the rest of the cosmos<\/p>\n

k) go through a self-discovery of guilt and empowerment<\/p>\n

l) form a revenge plan that consists solely of “eclipse the sun”<\/p>\n

m) eclipse the sun<\/p>\n

n) never stop eclipsing the sun<\/p>\n

o) watch the narcissistic sun die without the attention it truly needs to continue surviving in the sky, that glowing bastard<\/p>\n

p) become the sun, but a variant of the sun called the shadowsun, just a dark glowing coin in the\u00a0endless expanse<\/p>\n

q) oh no you killed the earth<\/p>\n

r) now it’s just you<\/p>\n

s) you and all the other stars<\/p>\n

t) hey, the other stars are suns, too, right<\/p>\n

u) fuck those guys<\/p>\n

v) kill the other stars<\/p>\n

w) they don’t understand you anyway<\/p>\n

x) did you kill them yet? all the stars?<\/p>\n

y) now it’s just you all alone in the galaxy, the sole sovereign of the Milky Way cosmos, the shadowsun governing all the darkness, and there are no other stars and no other — wait, what’s that?\u00a0there are\u00a0other<\/em> galaxies?<\/p>\n

z) yeah those gotta go<\/p>\n

Pretty sure that’s what all the scientists recommend, anyway.<\/p>\n

What else?<\/p>\n

Invasive and Zeroes, still on sale<\/strong><\/span><\/a>.<\/p>\n

So too are Atlanta Burns and the Heartland trilogy<\/strong><\/span><\/a>.<\/p>\n

A reminder that I’m on Instagram now<\/strong><\/span><\/a>.<\/p>\n

I think Mark Ruffalo thinks I am a right-wing MAGA-head<\/strong><\/span><\/a>?<\/p>\n

I’m sure there’s more I’m forgetting but fuck it.<\/p>\n

Happy Monday!<\/p>\n

HAVE A BUMBLEBEE.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Hey, look, it’s me, trapped in a frog’s eye, all because I went ahead and upset some wizard. That’s what I get for messing with wizards again! Pesky wizards, always running around, with their magic. Also that’s what I get for misidentifying a toad as a frog! Poor toads. Anyway. Let’s see, what’s going on? […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-31327","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"hentry","6":"category-theramble","8":"no-featured-image"},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pv7MR-89h","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31327","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=31327"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31327\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":31331,"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31327\/revisions\/31331"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=31327"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=31327"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=31327"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}