{"id":22742,"date":"2014-03-20T00:01:24","date_gmt":"2014-03-20T04:01:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/?p=22742"},"modified":"2014-03-19T21:25:06","modified_gmt":"2014-03-20T01:25:06","slug":"tee-morris-the-fear-factor","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/2014\/03\/20\/tee-morris-the-fear-factor\/","title":{"rendered":"Tee Morris: The Fear Factor"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Here there be guest post! This time by Tee Morris, talking about how the fear we all feel about our writing doesn’t go away just because you’ve published a book.<\/em><\/p>\n

I never like seeing friends stressed out. Whether it is intensely stressed out or just out of their groove, it just kills me. It is amplified more when I personally feel the bumpy ride of Life\u2019s rougher patches. Lately, those bumps have been feeling far too frequent for me; and it is very easy to lose yourself within the bad news and let it affect your work.<\/p>\n

Getting published isn\u2019t the hard part. It\u2019s living up to the hype. Every time you clear one goal, another appears in front of you; and each goal is higher than the next.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s a lot riding on Dawn\u2019s Early Light<\/a><\/strong><\/span>, <\/em>the third book in the Ministry of Peculiar Occurrences<\/a><\/strong><\/span> series, penned by Pip Ballantine<\/a><\/strong><\/span> and myself. At least, that\u2019s what I\u2019m seeing. The book hasn\u2019t sold a single copy, and yet the fate of an award-winning steampunk series, potential titles under development, and even my own direction as an author all feels to be in the balance. Why, you may ask? As I was one told by a friend of mine:<\/p>\n

\u201cYou got nothing to worry about. You<\/em>\u2019ve arrived.<\/em>\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

I have? Well shit, I must have missed that memo.<\/p>\n

Sure, I have the previous performance of the series\u2019 previous books, <\/em>Phoenix Rising<\/a><\/strong><\/span> and The Janus Affair<\/a><\/strong><\/span>. They still manage to appear in Amazon\u2019s Top 100 in Steampunk. It\u2019s even better when these books pop up in the top 50 after three years. We have been working up a modest anticipation for Agents Books and Braun<\/a><\/strong><\/span> on Twitter, on Google+, and with a third season of our award-winning Tales from the Archives<\/a><\/strong><\/span> podcast. We also have a blog and podcast tour underway, appearing on over twenty blogs (including this one) and ten podcasts this month, all of these appearances heading towards the launch of Dawn\u2019s Early Light<\/a><\/strong><\/span>.<\/p>\n

So why the anxiety over this? We got this, right? This ain\u2019t our first rodeo.<\/p>\n

Actually, it is. At least, with Ace. Our publisher has made a gamble on us and on a series in progress. We have to make sure this gamble pays off. This is what it means to be a modern day author. Back in the day of Arthur C. Clarke and Stephen King \u2014 hell, even in the days of a young and spry (?) George R.R. Martin \u2014 the term R.O.I. never came into play.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s a different world now, kids. It would be nice to think you can follow in the footsteps of Uncle George and enjoy a few years between books, but you can\u2019t and you won\u2019t. You\u2019re measured by your last book. Not only in how it performs but when it came out.<\/p>\n

The clock continues to count down to release date, and I continue to try to keep a clear head amongst distractions like douchenozzles buying New York Times bestseller slots<\/a><\/strong><\/span> and the saber rattling over Independent versus Big Bad Legacy publishing<\/a><\/strong><\/span>. It\u2019s enough to drive you to drink (and I enjoy my single malt over chilled rocks, thank you), especially when you have on the line details like a house, a child to take care of, and a career to pursue.<\/p>\n

On one of the more intense days where I was getting particularly frustrated, Pip said it to me through my rant of frustration: \u201c<\/em>You can<\/em>\u2019<\/em>t give up. You<\/em>\u2019re not allowed.<\/em>\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Then it hit. And it\u2019s still hitting me\u2026<\/p>\n

I\u2019m scared.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m scared that Ministry<\/em> won\u2019t go the way people are telling me it will go. I\u2019m scared the book will hit the shelves and people will hate it. I\u2019m scared that I\u2019ve got all these great ideas, but I\u2019ll suddenly find myself unable to get beyond the pitch. I\u2019m scared the Ministry<\/em> is going to fall short of everyone\u2019s expectations; and I\u2019m scared, particularly on those days when I struggle to herd the words, of losing that ability to write.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s also that fear that I\u2019m doing something wrong, or not doing enough, to make our latest title a success.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s what\u2019s happening in my headspace, and it is tearing me apart.<\/p>\n

I understand what Pip meant though. I\u2019m not allowed to give up. These are First World problems, and I still have stories to tell. It may sound like I am miserable, but that\u2019s not it either. It\u2019s just that anticipation. I love what I do, but I know how I get right before a major release. I set a pace, and there are days when I feel I cannot keep that pace. I have to, though, no matter how bad it may seem. We as the upright mammals we have evolved (in spite of those damn Godzilla-bits in our brain) must always strive forward. Onward. Always.<\/p>\n

But this terror. Sometimes, this darkness feels bigger than me.<\/p>\n

This fear isn\u2019t a bad thing though. It\u2019s good. It keeps me focused and driven. I know that when I\u2019m the most terrified, I\u2019m sharp. My heart pounds like a jack rabbit as I hammer out a blogpost, before a speaking event, before a panel discussion, against words straining to get on the screen, and\u2014from what I discovered at a writers\u2019 retreat<\/a><\/strong><\/span>\u2014introducing a new work amongst a roomful of peers. I know that I\u2019m alive, and every rapid pound in my chest reminds me that I have earned the right to be here and it\u2019s time for my \u201cA\u201d game. I am told by agents, editors, and publishers I have chosen a path that few undertake. I honestly don\u2019t know what that means, but I do know that this fear is an acknowledgement of a challenge before me.<\/p>\n

When that fear threatens, though, a friend of mine\u2014a fellow storyteller named Phil Rossi\u2014offers a perspective<\/a><\/strong><\/span> I can get behind.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe are defined largely by our own perception. If I think I can<\/em>\u2019t write, then I<\/em>\u2019m not going to be able to do it.\u00a0 If I consider myself capable of telling a good tale, then that<\/em>\u2019s just what<\/em>\u2019ll happen.\u00a0 Belief is a powerful thing.<\/em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

And in this case, I<\/em>\u2019d say it<\/em>\u2019s magic.<\/em>\u201d<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

In a perfect world, I believe that how we should be to each other: inspiring. That really is, as Queen once put it, a kind of magic<\/a><\/strong><\/span>.<\/p>\n

Find your strength. Even when you believe you have none left, remember you do. It could be a loved one. It could be another writer. There is strength to draw from. Always.<\/p>\n

I am ready to face it. I am ready to be a motherfucking rockstar<\/a><\/strong><\/span>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Here there be guest post! This time by Tee Morris, talking about how the fear we all feel about our writing doesn’t go away just because you’ve published a book. I never like seeing friends stressed out. Whether it is intensely stressed out or just out of their groove, it just kills me. It is […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-22742","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"hentry","6":"category-theramble","8":"no-featured-image"},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pv7MR-5UO","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22742","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=22742"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22742\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":22748,"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22742\/revisions\/22748"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=22742"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=22742"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/terribleminds.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=22742"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}