Transmissions From Toddler-Town: The Devil’s Dictionary

He talks a lot, now, this kid. B-Dub’s got a whole contingent of words, some of them known, some of them guessed-at, some of then Lovecraftian gibbers that summon gray-skinned amphibious monstrosities from the deep. It all started with Mommy and Daddy, of course, but it always does and those don’t make particularly exciting first words — far more compelling to have a first word like “Pasketti.” Or “Bah-Bah.” Or “neo-anarchist regime.” Or, “Hey, lady, I got a diaper here that’s as heavy as a wet sweater and it’s killing all the plant... Read The Rest →

The Real Lesson of 12/12/12

Today is 12/12/12. You’re probably aware if you’re anywhere near social media. You may find it a curious footnote. You may find it cause for confetti and fire-ponies. You may find it signals for you some kind of… ill-translated Apocalypse. You may find it demands a cynical dismissive shaking-of-the-fist. Here’s what I’m taking away from 12/12/12 — This is the last time that we’ll experience a date like that. The same number repeated thrice. That, in and of itself, matters not at all. Not one squiggly whit. Nary a blip... Read The Rest →

Why Am I Suddenly Excited For Star Wars, Episode VII?

The Disney-Lucasfilm corporate fornication did not reach my ears immediately upon its occurrence, as I was huddling in the dark around a barrel fire, eating charred squirrel during the hurricane. But, once it did reach my ears, my initial response was an overwhelming… Mnuh? Guh? Eh. Whatever. Star Wars? Big part of my youth. As it was a part of the collective youth of many in my age range. The first trilogy was a fundamental narrative marker in our burgeoning personalities, for better or for worse. It left its fingerprint.... Read The Rest →

Transmissions From Toddler-Town: The Aristocrats!

  Living with a toddler is like living with a Ritalin-addled velociraptor. And as I’ve said in the past, every day is like that moment in Jurassic Park where the dinosaurs learn to open doors.   ***   B-Dub now says a rather robust contingent of words. Mom, Dad, Doggie, Truck, Girl, Boo-Boo, Puddle, Meow, Moo, Turtle, Tiger, Purple, Pop-Pop, Mom-Mom, Banana, Night-Night, Yeah, Hi, No, Tea, Teddy, Keys, Elmo, Popsicle, Orange, Red. Some words get said five, ten times, and never return. Some are permanent, and get thrown-around in... Read The Rest →

My Father Ate Really Weird Things

My father was a farmer, not a foodie. He ate and drank normal things most of the time, of course — steak a favorite, maybe a Beck’s beer. Or at night, a blackberry brandy. Or a blended Scotch like Dewar’s. But between the margins lived very curious choices of food. He’d eat whole cloves of garlic, raw. Munch, munch, munch. The resultant breath potent enough to punch a hole through a vampire’s breastbone and turn his heart to strongly-scented ash. Horseradish could be grated onto anything. He’d also eat that... Read The Rest →

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