I Am The Anti-Thanks, I Am The Spleenful Turkey

“Spleenful” is another great word. Add that to your list, along with “slugabed” and “sesquipedalian.” See? I’m thankful for something — awesome words. But today is not a day for thanks, oh, no. The name of the day is Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving. Which means I’ve given all my thanks away. I had them. I had them in a basket. They were wrapped up in a pretty red bow. They smelled nice. Fragrant. Like lavender and lemongrass. But then I went and handed them out, and now I have nothing. I have... Read The Rest →

Staking My Claim In The Sexual Fetish Arena

The other day, exploring some of the weirder sexual fetishes found on Ye Jolly Olde Intertoobs, I started to feel left out. As if so many others before me had taken on and championed sexual fetishes the world had never seen. That’s Viking-level shit. That’s marking the field of battle with an epic poem painted on a rock in your enemy’s blood. That’s legendary stuff. I want to be a part of that. So, it’s time to make up some new sexual fetishes. Feel free to pass these around. Try... Read The Rest →

You Are Dirty, Dirty People

You are naughty little scum-monkeys, aren’t you? Let me explain. The site keeps track of the search terms that you fine, upstanding weirdos are using to discover this website, and boy, am I glad it does. Because if it didn’t, I would never know that you found this site via searching for the following terms: “Man sucks off monkey” “Crushing feet sex” “Free movies of big clits” “Lee Majors penis size” And, most recent and most favorite: (drum roll, please) “Insects in my ass” That last one kind of… curled... Read The Rest →

Gifts From My Father: The Profane Tongue

Sweet motherless goat-fucker, I really like profanity. I do. Cursing is practically a hobby for me. The foul poetry that falls off my tongue would at times make the Devil hisownself blanch, and were a nun to be in my presence, she might burst into flame from the power of my vileness. (Er, warning! This post contains profanity.) Once, I thought, maybe I shouldn’t be so foul. I mean, okay, it’s not like I’m inappropriately foul in mixed company. I don’t go to a job interview and start dropping f-bombs... Read The Rest →

Getting Tested For Syphilis — I mean, “Testing For Flickr”

Appropriate, perhaps, that I’m testing a photo that references “syphilis.” I mean, the photo’s drippy, right? Y’know, drippy? Like, you might say to your doctor, “Doc, I got a… leaky faucet down there? Y’know? Down there?” And then, just to make sure the doc got it, you’d raise your eyebrows high and casually gesture at your groin with a circling motion of the ol’ index finger? I can’t spell it out in any greater detail without saying “syphilitic penis.” See what you made Daddy do? Now Daddy’s going to have... Read The Rest →

Huh? Uh? Where Are My Pants?

Take a look around, oh wonderous Internoob nomads — this is the shiny new Terribleminds-dot-com. Except it’s maybe not? I’m just fucking around over here, clumsily groping WordPress in the dark. This is only the first roughhewn child, born from the mad coupling of me and WordPress, and there’s just no telling whether or not it’ll survive the night. At any point, I might jab a coat hanger in its soft little head, send it back to the binary graveyard. For now, though, it is what it is, and it is... Read The Rest →

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