The Fourth Nerdtivity: Lo, All Hail The Birth Of The Xeno-Messiah, Xibus!

(View supersized!) And so it was that our Xeno-Messiah — hermaphroditic spawn of the Jovian Overlord — was born into this plane of existence, pulled from his ultradimensional pocket. The Gospel Of John Spiderface In those days, an e-mail went out from Caesar Chewbacca to all the people in the world. This was the first and most spectacular of e-mails, when the Devil was mayor of Poughkeepsie. And all those in Poughkeepsie were told, “Lo, the Xeno-Messiah Xibus is coming, born from the ultradimensional womb, which is actually a dirty... Read The Rest →

I Am The Anti-Thanks, I Am The Spleenful Turkey

“Spleenful” is another great word. Add that to your list, along with “slugabed” and “sesquipedalian.” See? I’m thankful for something — awesome words. But today is not a day for thanks, oh, no. The name of the day is Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving. Which means I’ve given all my thanks away. I had them. I had them in a basket. They were wrapped up in a pretty red bow. They smelled nice. Fragrant. Like lavender and lemongrass. But then I went and handed them out, and now I have nothing. I have... Read The Rest →

Staking My Claim In The Sexual Fetish Arena

The other day, exploring some of the weirder sexual fetishes found on Ye Jolly Olde Intertoobs, I started to feel left out. As if so many others before me had taken on and championed sexual fetishes the world had never seen. That’s Viking-level shit. That’s marking the field of battle with an epic poem painted on a rock in your enemy’s blood. That’s legendary stuff. I want to be a part of that. So, it’s time to make up some new sexual fetishes. Feel free to pass these around. Try... Read The Rest →

You Are Dirty, Dirty People

You are naughty little scum-monkeys, aren’t you? Let me explain. The site keeps track of the search terms that you fine, upstanding weirdos are using to discover this website, and boy, am I glad it does. Because if it didn’t, I would never know that you found this site via searching for the following terms: “Man sucks off monkey” “Crushing feet sex” “Free movies of big clits” “Lee Majors penis size” And, most recent and most favorite: (drum roll, please) “Insects in my ass” That last one kind of… curled... Read The Rest →

Gifts From My Father: The Profane Tongue

Sweet motherless goat-fucker, I really like profanity. I do. Cursing is practically a hobby for me. The foul poetry that falls off my tongue would at times make the Devil hisownself blanch, and were a nun to be in my presence, she might burst into flame from the power of my vileness. (Er, warning! This post contains profanity.) Once, I thought, maybe I shouldn’t be so foul. I mean, okay, it’s not like I’m inappropriately foul in mixed company. I don’t go to a job interview and start dropping f-bombs... Read The Rest →

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