Do I Need To Tell You To Vote? Vote. Vote!

VOTE. Jesus Christ on a Ferris wheel, voooooote. I mean, that’s it, right? You gotta participate in our democracy. This is it. This is the big game. You don’t vote, you bench yourself. You bench your choice, your freedom, your opportunity to grab a few inches on this big-ass steering wheel. People fought and died for this power. They still are fighting for the right to do so, to have their voice join the chorus. If you shirk that duty and reject a right that others are struggling to possess and maintain — that’s like parading a plate of food in front of a starving person and then deciding you’re not hungry, so you throw that shit in the trash. Vote, vote, vote. You gotta goddamn vote.

Make a plan to vote. Get others to vote. Vote early and in-person if you can. Donate to candidates, phone bank, knock on doors, talk to friends and family and neighbors. Voting is individual but democracy is a community, it’s about making your voice heard, and that neither begins nor ends at the ballot box. Let’s roll up on this democracy like a tide, like a healing wave, cool and nourishing to those who need it, salty and crushing to those who fear it. Let’s gooooo and get it done.

But Chuck, Who Should I Vote For?

I mean, you fucking know who. If your answer there is, “Well, Donald Trump,” then like Jeff Probst on Survivor, I got nothing for you, head back to camp. What the hell are you thinking? I mean, even if you’re a horrible person, answer me this: what has he accomplished? “He gave tax cuts to the uber-wealthy, he stole kids from their parents, he demonized opponents, he ignored and then prolonged the pandemic we’re still throttled by, he –” No, no, let me stop you there. What good has he done? What legislation has he passed? Besides the tax cuts, and besides cramming up the judicial with an unholy alliance of unqualified judges, what has he accomplished? Where’s his health care plan? Where’s the next stimulus? Where’s anything? Has he helped with the fires on the West Coast? Has he offered his mythical INFRASTRUCTURE PLAN? What’s his vision, beyond rage-tweeting from the dumper and avoiding his taxes? Guy hasn’t gotten shit done, and meanwhile, farms are fucked, manufacturing is fucked, and in the pandemic there’s a lot of extra-fucking going on with restaurants and the entertainment industry and the airlines. And there’s no lifeline. There’s no control.

There’s only chaos.

Selfishness and chaos.

That shitbird is in it for himself.

That’s it.

He’s here to get rich, while you’re here to get fucked. He’s a liar. He’s a vampire. A tick embedded in the American skin, drinking and drinking till he gets so bloated he can’t even move anymore. I mean, ha ha, never mind all the wanton bigotry and sexism, but maybe you don’t care about that. If you were thinking of voting for him, then you don’t.

But the truth is, he’s a brute. A bully. A thug. He’s one of those rich guys who pretends to be your friend while he makes you work for him at a cut rate, and then he takes all the credit. He’s spurned the military, the elderly, the blue-collar. He’s got all the curiosity of a bulldozer. He’s got the compassion of a dumptruck. He’s a liar. A conspiracy theorist. A fake Christian who couldn’t even name a gospel. He doesn’t care about you. He doesn’t care about his own children. On his forehead someone should write: DON’T OPEN, DEAD INSIDE.

“But the stock market.” Fuck the stock market. That’s not a real thing. It’s the heartbeat of the rich and powerful. Says nothing about the real economy. He’s gonna fuck with your health care, take away the restriction against pre-existing conditions, make you shackled to your employer again. Because that helps the rich and powerful stay rich and powerful — the less they give you, the more they take for themselves. He’s them. He’s not you. He’s not a common man. He’s not even a businessman. He’s a clown who took over the circus and all the other clowns love him.

Don’t vote for Donald Trump, for fuck’s sake. Jesus Christ. What the fuck.

But Chuck, Biden Is Something Or Other Blah Blah Blah

I dunno. I like Biden. I liked him as Veep. He wasn’t my guy in the primary, wasn’t my second, maybe wasn’t even my third, but he’s who we have, and I’ll be honest, he’s done a helluva job so far. He’s kept it together. He speaks with compassion. He has plans and vision for the future. What, he’s not perfect? Whoa, no way. He’s not the shining emblem of the left? Listen, he can be moved. He already has moved left. Bernie’s moved him left. Warren’s moved him left. Harris has moved him left. We have moved him left. He’s progressive while at the same time still running to be president for ALL of America, and not just his supporters. That’s what a president does. He doesn’t single-out the blue states or the red states and deny them care and aid.

Shit, he was in the White House. He actually knows the job. He’s a legislator. Not even a politician — an actual lawmaker, proven for decades.

“But he’s still not perfect and he did this or said that.”  We’re on a deserted island, okay? And there’s two boats off this thing. One is a janky hell-boat full of disease and rats and scurrilous Russians, but there’s a gold toilet on it which is honestly too heavy and is probably gonna sink it eventually. The other one is a fine boat, a normal boat, it’s maybe nothing fancy, it smells a little like Scranton, but you know what? It’s solid, it’ll get us off the island. It’s a good boat. We like that boat. Don’t piss on that boat just because it’s not the yacht you wanted, okay? We never get the yacht. There are no yachts coming. The yachts don’t come out this way. The yachts are bullshit anyway. We need real boats, and this is a real boat, so get on the real boat and let’s get off this fucking island.

But Chuck, Something Something Third Party

No! No. Bad voter, bad. What did I tell you? There are two boats. Two! Not three. Two. That third boat you’re gonna vote for, it’s never showing up. It can’t. The dock has room for two boats. I wish it had room for three boats, but you can’t wish the third boat into existence. It’ll always stay out to sea because it can’t get close enough to land because the docks don’t allow it.

Do I wish we had a more robust political menu here? Hell yes. I do. We’re a huge country and we only get two parties, one of which is drifting so far right you can’t even see them anymore, and the other which is… well, they’re somewhere between a Noble Institution and a Hot Mess, and often end up with all the aplomb of a Homeowners Association. So yeah, I wish we had a more variegated landscape, politically. But I also wish for a pony and so far, one hasn’t showed up.

To get that landscape, we need third party candidates down-ballot first. We need ranked choice voting. We need the electoral college to fade into history.

This is an existential election. It’s not the time to play games.

A third party vote is a vote thrown into a hole. It has a zero percent chance of doing what you want and will de facto lend strength to one of the other candidates. I don’t make the rules, I don’t enforce reality, it’s just, them’s the breaks. All you’re doing is ceding your choice to fate, and further, suggesting that you are of such great privilege that neither candidate matters to you, and that the problems that will afflict most Americans will escape you entirely, so fuck those people. That’s what it says. So don’t do it. Care about people. Your vote is a ladder to help them up.

Seriously Please Just Get It Done, Fucking Hell, Ahhhh

We’re all trapped in a room with a loud-mouthed shit-monster and it’s honestly tiring and horrible. We’re gaslit and abused and harried and harangued and aaaaah fuck I just want it quiet. I don’t want be ignorant of politics or the president, but I want to have a few moments of quiet. I want to go back to being able to talk about something else for fifteen minutes without the next scandal, the next rage-tweet, the next batch of inept malevolence to land on our doorstep. So vote. Don’t vote for Trump. Vote down-ticket too and send a message to the GOP because they have no moral compass anymore. It’s power over people. They don’t work for you. You work for them. And that’s not how a democracy is supposed to operate. So to hell with them. Go vote, vote blue, ever and ever amen.

Here is a picture of a bird. The bird wants you to vote.

52 responses to “Do I Need To Tell You To Vote? Vote. Vote!”

  1. Well said! As a Canadian watching US politics closely it’s hard to believe that anybody is still a Trump supporter. But I guess a diet of Fox news and Facebook, and Cheetos, lots and lots of Cheetos, probably helps. And of course denial, a great trait for a character, not so good for real life, or a large voting block.

    • It’s a scary thing to watch it happen here in the US. They’re being gaslighted and they don’t even know it. I can’t even watch the news anymore it’s like watching a train wreck.

    • It’s odd to watch from outside of the US. I think it’s easier to see the gaslighting with clarity. It’s always harder to assess things when you’re inside it. Just ask any writer when they get feedback on a first draft! 🙂

  2. Excellently put, Chuck. I’ve already voted from overseas. Biden was my last choice (except for Bloomberg), but you can be sure I voted for him and any other Democrat running for office, from senator to dog catcher. Biden is at least a decent human being with the ability to feel compassion. I don’t know what that thing in the White House is.

  3. Dropped of my ballot yesterday. Got two adults who haven’t voted in years on the blue board. Sitting back to watch the Shitweasel faithful start eating each other alive when he commandeers AF1 and flees thr country with the WH silverware.

  4. What you said, Chuck. Full-tilt-boogie. The abyss is staring back at us; gotta DO SOMETHING, and that something is vote in numbers so huge there can be no questions.

    Above and beyond everything else that is awful, we’re well into the beginning of The Jackpot (Trust me, I know) and if we don’t get some things going soon, there won’t be anything left. (Not even The Clovis Limit.)

    I’m working by calling and writing postcards, and gave money I really couldn’t afford. I’ll just eat beans and rice for a while. (Nothing wrong with beans and rice anyway. Not the way I fix them.)

    Thanks, Chuck.

  5. Already mailed in my ballot and have confirmation through the state’s website that it has been received and will be counted. One point I wanted to make, Chuck, you don’t have to say f the stock market because cheeto isn’t really doing that great and I wonder why people don’t make a bigger point about it. As of this morning, as the market is about to open, the S&P 500 is up 51.91% since his inauguration. At this point in Obama’s administration, the S&P was up 69.40%. At best, 45 can claim to have the best market of any of the Republican presidents in the last 40 years to this point (Clinton’s was better as well).

  6. Voted as soon as my ballot hit the mailbox. And with you on the ‘third party voters.’ Down the road, honeysuckles, down the road. After we’ve released ourselves from this stinking jail with the only “get out of jail” card we’ve got—voting against the orange maniac. I want quiet, too. But quiet won’t free us. Only rattling the cage bars will. And yeah, very nice birdie pic. I needed that.

  7. I’ll likely be voting Biden over my third party preference, despite nothing fundamentally changing when he’s in office.

    I do expect to never again get gruff when I vote third party, as I plan to for the rest of my life.

      • Well we suddenly get Medicare for all? Will we suddenly Have rain choice voting? Will we suddenly have peace all over the world? if you can’t answer yes to all those, then no nothing will fundamentally change.

        • some of that was talk to text, but you get the point period he’s been sent it for 47 years and we still have wars and profligate military spending. I don’t believe he’s going to rain that in, and I don’t think you do either.

        • If Biden is voted in, then the fundamental change will be that Trump won’t be in power, which if I’m not mistaken is the driving purpose of this entire post. You won’t have a leader who is a criminally corrupt, self-serving, narcissistic sociopath.

          • In that point, you are correct. But nothing else will fundamentally be different after Biden leaves. And I worry a more authoritarian candidate opposes him in 2024.

          • Indeed, Flyingfurball. I look forward to the days when others join me in no longer voting for evil, lesser or otherwise.

  8. Oh my. I loved this. Thank you for putting all my incoherent rage thoughts into actual coherent paragraphs. How can anyone vote to continue this current administration? It’s beyond comprehensible. And can we throw in getting rid of the current majority in the Senate while we’re at it? I’m another PA voter (opposite side of the state from you) and hoping Pennsylvania turns blue. And with any luck that will help the nation get rid of this nest of vipers currently residing the White House and Senate.

  9. I voted yesterday, by absentee ballot, in Ohio. Turned it in at the county board of elections, by hand, to a partisan pollster. This is actually the first year I voted down-ticket as well, to send a strong message. I normally vote down-ticket for those items that are marked “Democratic” but there are a lot of races like judges who are supposed to be non-partisan, but are absolutely paid for by one party or the other and are strongly aligned. Voting absentee allowed me to research, take my time, and still have weeks before the election itself. But what I’m really interested in is: what does Scranton smell like? (I’m guessing I should not lick the boat to find out?)

  10. THANK YOU!! For summing it up nicely! And there are still farmers in Rural Virginia who think he’s a good guy!!!! WHY! Have they never been lied to in their life and can’t tell that they are being lied to? When he says one thing on national tv one day then denies it the very next day. When he insists that the White House submit photos to the press that are not true? (remember Inauguration Day anyone?) Someone needs to remind them that this Pu$$y grabber is playing them like a fiddle and they’re loving it! WAKE UP PEOPLE!

  11. I have my vote ready in it’s fancy double envelope, just have to go get a stamp – currently living in Canada and plan to stay, but have to vote in this election

  12. Amen. Amen. AMEN, BROTHER!!! Hallelujah! (while I’m at it)

    I’m voting early here in the Lone Star. We are having record turnouts and I guaran-damn-tee you it ain’t because of repugs. We had 1.9M new voter registrations this year – in ONE year!! I know that isn’t because they want to make sure clown gets back in there. I personally know some sad people who voted for the orange one, and they are contrite with their heads hanging now. Embarrassed. Ashamed. Repentant.

    The turnout the first 2 days was EPIC. This speaks of people looking for a CHANGE – not the status quo (please, God).

    I’m prostrate Greek Orthodox on my knees every night in front of my icon and candles and incense, praying, chanting, begging the Almighty to make it so!

    C’mon JOE!! C’MON JOE!!!!! Save us, man – please!

    • From your lips to all the gods’ ears. I’m in Texas too and am utterly overjoyed at the turnout and new registrations. I read that Beto’s organization managed more new registrations in one day than the margin Cruz beat him by in 2018. We were a swing state for about 3 weeks 4 years ago. I can’t wait to turn this place back to purple, if not outright blue. The cognitive dissonance it takes to be a decent human being and still support the red ticket is some astounding mental gymnastics. I can’t believe some of the conversations I’ve had these last few years.

  13. I know I shouldn’t laugh at this … but I laughed – and it felt sooooo good! Chuck – you got inside my head! And managed to turn that screaming, raging, howling mess into words and actual sentences (and a few expletives). And you gave me the answer I needed for the whole third party candidate argument. “But if a whole bunch of people actually VOTE for the third party-” No. That’s not how it works. Get me more third party candidates in down-ballot races (a term I had to explain to one of my own beta readers. You haven’t heard the term down-ballot? Oy …) then we can talk. Thank you, Chuck, and may life make more sense on November 4th!

  14. Yep, yep all that and more. Thank you Chuck! I’ve already put my ballot in the mail, voted for Dem’s up, down, and sideways. I’m praying for sanity to prevail in this country.

  15. Next week is Florida’s only chance for early voting. I’ll be there with my blue crayon. It is not just the orange tick that caused all this turmoil, he was enabled by way too many.

    I will also admit that, a long time ago, I voted for Ralph Nader. That allowed Gore to be beaten. My fault, but I learned.

  16. Thoughts from Australia, where we have watched with horror from afar as America has been turned into a laughing stock by its so-called leader. So hoping you get the outcome fine, sane and thinking Americans deserve.

  17. The wife and I only had to wait an hour. In the rain. But it was a light rain. Made us feel only somewhat virtuous. But that kind of in-person early voting access is one of the reasons we appreciate living where we live. Which is DuPage County, Illinois. Near Chicago. Yeah, we pay taxes. We’re glad to. Gets us a lot of benefits we value. Like the ability to vote – in person, early, close to home, in a reasonable amount of time. (There’s more, but this is about voting, so…)

  18. I just gave you a standing ovation Chuck. Thanks for this article that had me laughing most of the way through it. I truly needed that. I hope you don’t mind but I’ll be posting it to the Lincoln Project on You Tube also.

    I’ve been doing all I can in order to Get Out the Vote. I have donated all I can afford to donate, and then some. Who needs to eat when our Democracy, our sanity and the Health Care of so many of us is at risk of being taken away. I can live on fluffernutter sandwiches for a while if I have to. It will be worth it.

    I already voted. It was either via an absentee ballot or by mail. I know one of those according to the Orange Super Spreader is okay and one is not Whichever one is legal is the one I used to vote and then mailed back to the town clerk here in Maine. My ballot had blue measles from top to bottom. I tracked it on-line and it arrived safely.

    Breaking News from the NY Times, with no paywall because it is about the virus himself and Covid:

    White House negotiators have proposed a $1.8 trillion relief package. Mr. Trump said that he wanted one that was even bigger and suggested, without explanation, that China would pay for it.

    Be safe everyone.

  19. Sorry, your screed against Trump is way off base, not to mention inaccurate. Plus Biden is turning senile as we speak. I don’t like Trump’s self-aggrandizing personality, but a Biden Harris or should I say a Harris presidency would be a huge mistake for the USA. Gotta stop that from happening even if it means Trump goes for another four. (You won’t be printing this comment, will you? Figures!)

  20. Chuck, this post is everything (your headings are priceless). I just voted absentee, by email, from Japan (yeah, you can email if you sign a waiver n stuff). I often feel like Japan is like some calm in the eye of the storm; we’ve had bad times due to the pandemic, etc. but nothing, NOTHING compared to America. There are many possible reasons for that that I won’t bore anybody with, but for that and a host of other problems that I’ve been ranting too much about since 2016, the solid boat got my support. It’s hard, erm, impossible for me to understand how people still support Trump, but even more head-scratching are these nebulous “undecided voters.” Where have you been, I wonder? Are we even on the same planet? I needed this post. Thanks!!

  21. Alas, I am no American and so I cannot follow your command/suggestion/advice/desperate plea. But I’ll look on from afar and keep my fingers crossed. Good luck!

  22. the most frightening step the orange moron has taken: he signed documents that deferred the social security and medicare with holding for military payroll. those people will have to pay double next year to catch up. his promise to remove all social security and medicare with holdings for everyone has left the social security administration with the public warning: these actions will end social security payments and medicare coverage in three years.

    • If Biden wins, the lame duck period with Trump could be really scary. The amount of damage he could do, not to mention all the pardons he’ll be throwing around will need a lot of scrutiny.

  23. ::rolls eyes:: Fine, I’ll do it for the bird.

    But seriously, I just got my absentee ballot in the mail. I will be hand-delivering it to the ballot drop-off on Monday. And at this point, the Democrats could have run Satan Himself, and I’d vote for Him because, hey, lesser of two evils.

    • As Max Lerner reminds us, is still evil. And as Balthazar Gracian warns us: Never open the door to a lesser evil, for other and greater ones invariably slink in after it.

  24. Thanks Chuck. I’m going to share this. I am fortunate enough to live in California where we still have people who vote Republican but where the state government tends toward ‘let’s take care of each other’ and not ‘every man for himself.’ We all got mail-in ballots here in L.A. County. Mine is sitting a few feet away, I’ve been doing bits of research on the down-ballot, will be completing and dropping off this week.

    In case there is anyone reading here who truly believes four more years of DJT would not mean the end of a functioning federal government, please refer to Steve Bannon’s statement early on that the goal of this administration was the deconstruction of the administrative state. He said that actual thing, back before he got turfed out for being a crook (one of so many in this administration).

    And they’ve stuck to that platform while distracting people with idiotic tweets. Administrative departments defunded, stripped of qualified personnel, muzzled, forced to promulgate fictions. Environmental and civil-rights protections weakened. Federal benches packed with partisan, ill-qualified, church-and-state-conflating tools of white supremacy. Blatant support for racist, sexist, homophobic violence by federally-contracted paramilitaries against citizens, and let’s not even get into the horrors perpetrated against non-citizens who wanted to live here because they thought they would be SAFER, the poor bastards.


  25. Here’s an idea. Somebody start a GoFundMe campaign to raise money to send Trump on vacation from Nov 4, 2020-Jan 20, 2021. Preferably somewhere with no internet. 😉

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