Wuzza Wooza Brisbane Booza


Wait, I think I got that backward.

Which is appropriate, given how I’m on the other side of the world. Where they drive on the other side of the street! And cookies are called biscuits! AND WOMBATS RULE MAN WITH AN IRON GLOVE.

Sorry, I’m a bit punchy.

You see, I’ve been up for — *checks watch* — four billion hours.

If anyone ever says to you, “Hey, here’s a flight, and it’s 16 hours,” do not fall for their ruse.

A flight that long is a trip into madness. Like, the flight itself was fine — I had an exit row, lots of leg room, plenty of space above my head. An empty seat next to me, too. But we took off at 10PM. When it had already been dark for hours. And then began sixteen hours of darkness. Just bleak black nothing. A seemingly eternal night. You know how you sleep eight hours at night and then you wake up and — hey, magic, the sun is coming up? Imagine sleeping for eight hours then learning it’ll still be dark for another eight hours.

And sleeping on a plane, yeah, no. Uncomfortable seats. People milling about. Chatty flight attendants. Turbulence. Frigid air. Any time I managed to doze off it was like — HEY WAKE UP, JERK, YOUR SPINE HURTS AND NOW IT’S COLD AND SOMEONE IS EATING GOULASH NOISILY BEHIND YOU.

So, by the end, I felt hungover.

But then I got off the plane and saw Brisbane sun and got a flat white and felt a lot better.

By the way, a “flat white” is the best coffee thing ever. They don’t drink drip coffee here. It’s all mostly espresso — and a flat white is an almost-latte. It is phenomenal. I’ve had two already today. *twitches*

I also had a Tim-Tam (okay, multiple Tim-Tams) thanks to the folks from the writing center.

A Tim-Tim is not, as it turns out, some strange Australian sex move, but rather, a cookie (“biscuit”) so delicious it elicits a nearly erotic sensation.

Enjoying Brisbane so far. Everything here is like a left-of-center version of what I’m used to in America. Similar or same brands with products I’ve never heard of before. Known car brands but unknown models. Burger King seems to be Hungry Jack’s? McDonald’s is Macca’s? Everyone speaks and walks backward. TIME RUNS IN REVERSE.

Or, at least, that’s how it feels. Jet lag is seriously creeping in, now, like rain rot in old wood. It’s 3:30PM and I’m writing this blog to stay awake. I’ve already traipsed about the city for four or five hours. It’s hot. I’m sore. I’ve killed and eaten three koalas. The catch-22 is that to combat the tiredness of jet lag I have to remain active but remaining active just makes me more tired AHHHH so instead here I am blogging to you people.

Anyway. Tomorrow: GenreCon begins.

More, eventually, from me.


  • Dude! Chuck! Great to know you’re here in Brissie! Yeah, we make some great coffee here… brilliant stuff… and the food her is great too! Just eat where the locals do and you’ll be fine.

    And if you love pancakes, try out The Pancake Manor on Charlotte Street, in the City… it’s an old converted church not far from The Archives Bookstore (which is haunted and old too and has the biggest amount of books around! Great store though!). Pancake Manor… it’s fully licensed and has a pool table, great place to go for grub!

  • Oh… yeah… if you’d like to meet up and chat and walk around my hometown, look me up on FB… my RL name is Lynda Parker… I’ll friend you, no probs. 😀 We can organised a time and place. 😀

  • You’re in my hometown! Awesome!

    How did I not know about GenreCon? Man, ashamed to call myself a writer.

    Hope you have an amazing time. The weather is gorgeous. Make sure you get out to Southbank (very close to the library.) The beach there is nice after being cooped up talking about writerly things. Also great for your new jogging craze. Gorgeous right along the river.

    Bummed to see that all sessions are now sold out. Please witness my sad face. 🙁

    Have a fantastic time, regardless. Sorry I won’t get to meet you.

  • I feel your pain, Chuck. It is 12:44 AM in the States (At least in Memphis where I sadly live) and I STILL can’t sleep. Fuck my insomnia. At least I can read your blogs. Wish I had that coffee though……and BISCUITS. Nom-Nom. I feel hungry just thinking about them. Don’t kill all of the koala bears,mmkay? We need some of them to survive the zombie apocalypse to build our evil cannibal empire! MWAHAHA!(sorry if this is boring).

  • Great to hear you’ve landed safely. Enjoy the Under Down, Chuck! And at your close, what do you mean “Blogging to you people?” How do I know I am “people”? Who have you been talking to? Where do you get your information? Was it the Rubber Ducky?

  • Good to hear you’re enjoying yourself! It must be strange to discover you’ve been driving on the wrong side of the road all your life… but don’t worry, you’re doing it correctly now 🙂

    PS Stay clear of emus. Not that you’ll need the advice if one eyeballs you.

  • Have fun Chuck! Just one bit of advice. When you’re offered Vegimite…and I bet you will be…just smile and back away s l o w l y. Trust me, that stuff taste like swamp ass smells. Not that I go around smelling swamp ass much or anything like that…just saying.

    • Uhh… yeah. With the vegemite thing… it looks like Axle Grease and smells terrible. However most of us Aussie have been brought up on it for a good part of our lives. I don’t encourage people from overseas to try it out unless they truly want to; and even then, I accompany it with a bowl and a BIG GLASS OF WATER. The stuff is salty as hell and isn’t the nicest thing to eat to the unintitiated.

  • lol I know these feels. My family is in South Africa and for the last 15 years I’ve been on other continents. Currently, unless I’m willing to take that insane 16-hour flight, I’ve got a 2 day trip with a 12-hour layover in Heathrow…yeah, you’re walking the razor edge of insanity at the end of that. And you’re smelly. God there’s nothing like the stink of being stuck in a tube of recycled air for 12 hours after being stuck in an airport for just as long, all in the same clothes.

    Get some melatonin, don’t OD on coffee, and if you have to sleep, just do it.

  • Next you must try a Tim Tam Slam: using the tim tam as a straw to suck up the coffee: http://australianfood.about.com/od/discoveraussienzfood/a/TimTamSlam.htm

    Also, plane flights that long as very very horrible. On one I was surrounded by russians (the plane ran out of vodka) and by morning there were sunflower seeds all over the floor which was weird, but it was a nice quiet night. On the way home I was recovering from food poisoning and sat next to the guy whose claim to fame was bringing Southern Baptistness to eastern europe. And he never stopped talking. And there were no other seats on the entire plane to move to.

  • Beware of Drop Bears. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

  • Hi Chuck

    Just so you know, Booza is a word over here (where I am anyway). It means a beer drinking session lasting anywhere up to a couple of weeks. Also can be called a Booze up.

    Enjoy Brissy

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