This one’s pretty easy.
I just crossed the 4,000 Twitter follower mark, which is pretty cool. I mean, sure, 3,465 of them are insane Twitter robots who are trying to sell me porn, iPads, real estate, and baby formula…
…but whatever it takes to feed my manic hunger for adoration.
*gibber, howl, snargh*
As such, I want to give you a copy of CONFESSIONS OF A FREELANCE PENMONKEY.
I’m going to give away 10 copies in PDF, Kindle, or Nook format.
How it works is like this: you have 24 hours (till 4pm EST on 6/14/11) to drop a comment into the comments below. What should go into this comment, you ask?
Your favorite word of profanity, and a short description as to why that might be. I figure this is entirely reasonable, given how sodden with wretched language CONFESSIONS happens to be. One assumes that if you’re not comfortable dropping some language yourself, you won’t be comfortable reading through CONFESSIONS. And besides, who doesn’t love a little cussin’?
At 4pm I’ll come back to this post and pick my ten favorite answers. Those folks get a copy of the book.
Jump in. Get to cursing. Get creative. And please to enjoy.
EDIT:
THE WINNERS:
Tamsyn: “Bollocks!” Description made me laugh.
Caytlin: “Shitting Dicknipples,” because that sounds like a bad high school teacher’s name.
Kara: “Twat.” Calling it “cunt’s classy cousin” is pretty genius.
Penrefe: “Dick.” Simple. A classic.
Joanna: “Imperial Fuckton.” Like something out of a filthy version of Star Wars.
Antimony: “Dhallar.” Because now we all can learn something, too.
Patrick Regan: “Flaming Thunder-cunt.” Because, how mythic.
Emily B: “Throatfuck.” Because that one’s new to me.
Sarah: “Cock Holster.” It’s really so elegant.
Spomenka: “Slattern.” Why not go old-school?
And that’s our ten, folks.
It was a tough choice. Be on notice. Really enjoyed roadwhore, cuntblocker, twatwaffle. So many good ones. But these are the ones that spoke to me in the cockles of my heart.
YOU TEN PEOPLE:
Hit me up either using the Contact Form above or at chuckwendig [at] terribleminds [dot] com and I’ll get you squared away with a copy of PENMONKEY.
Angela Perry says:
“Bork.” Because who doesn’t love the Swedish Chef? Or any Muppet for that matter? It sounds equally great with things like software development (“That release is totally borked.”) and misadventures in cooking (“Bork that, I just burned the cheese sandwiches again.”)
And yeah, I realize I’m totally late. In my defense it is only just after 2:00 PM here, and I’ve been trying extra hard to pretend I’m working today.
June 14, 2011 — 4:20 PM
terribleminds says:
Sweet Jeebus. 100 comments?!
Beautiful work, you profane gibbons.
Will go through these shortly and pick ten, and pop the results here in comments. 🙂
— c.
June 14, 2011 — 4:37 PM
terribleminds says:
THE WINNERS:
Tamsyn: “Bollocks!” Description made me laugh.
Caytlin: “Shitting Dicknipples,” because that sounds like a bad high school teacher’s name.
Kara: “Twat.” Calling it “cunt’s classy cousin” is pretty genius.
Penrefe: “Dick.” Simple. A classic.
Joanna: “Imperial Fuckton.” Like something out of a filthy version of Star Wars.
Antimony: “Dhallar.” Because now we all can learn something, too.
Patrick Regan: “Flaming Thunder-cunt.” Because, how mythic.
Emily B: “Throatfuck.” Because that one’s new to me.
Sarah: “Cock Holster.” It’s really so elegant.
Spomenka: “Slattern.” Why not go old-school?
And that’s our ten, folks.
It was a tough choice. Be on notice. Really enjoyed roadwhore, cuntblocker, twatwaffle. So many good ones. But these are the ones that spoke to me in the cockles of my heart.
YOU TEN PEOPLE:
Hit me up either using the Contact Form above or at chuckwendig [at] terribleminds [dot] com and I’ll get you squared away with a copy of PENMONKEY.
— c.
June 14, 2011 — 4:47 PM
David Barber says:
TWAT! It has may uses.
Nice: “Oh, you daft twat.”
Fun: “Hahaha….you silly twat!”
Nasty: “You fucking TWAT!”
Etc, etc, etc………..
June 14, 2011 — 5:18 PM
Jeff Preson says:
Cunt. I love it.Maybe it’s the taboo of it. Dunno. I just love that word.
June 14, 2011 — 7:20 PM
becca says:
Coined by John Oliver (of the Daily Show but coined on his podcast (with co-host Andy Zaltzman) ‘The Bugle’): fuckeulogy. Yes, it is just what it implies. The deceased must be truly deserving (i.e., Hitler, bin Laden, ). Reserved especially for those with absolutely no redeeming qualities whatsoever.
In its original use: “This is not a tribute episode to Bin Laden as much as a special fuckeulogy to the big guy” (John Oliver, the Bugle podcast #152).
While it’s not particularly versatile, I think the sparingness with which it is to be used adds to its effectiveness and punch.
June 14, 2011 — 9:26 PM
nikki says:
Fuck. I missed the best the giveaway with the best rules. Ever.
Side note – intrigued to check out one of your books.
June 16, 2011 — 12:50 PM