It’s Time To Make It Rain, Bitches

This one’s pretty easy.

I just crossed the 4,000 Twitter follower mark, which is pretty cool. I mean, sure, 3,465 of them are insane Twitter robots who are trying to sell me porn, iPads, real estate, and baby formula…

…but whatever it takes to feed my manic hunger for adoration.

*gibber, howl, snargh*

As such, I want to give you a copy of CONFESSIONS OF A FREELANCE PENMONKEY.

I’m going to give away 10 copies in PDF, Kindle, or Nook format.

How it works is like this: you have 24 hours (till 4pm EST on 6/14/11) to drop a comment into the comments below. What should go into this comment, you ask?

Your favorite word of profanity, and a short description as to why that might be. I figure this is entirely reasonable, given how sodden with wretched language CONFESSIONS happens to be. One assumes that if you’re not comfortable dropping some language yourself, you won’t be comfortable reading through CONFESSIONS. And besides, who doesn’t love a little cussin’?

At 4pm I’ll come back to this post and pick my ten favorite answers. Those folks get a copy of the book.

Jump in. Get to cursing. Get creative. And please to enjoy.

EDIT:

THE WINNERS:

Tamsyn: “Bollocks!” Description made me laugh.

Caytlin: “Shitting Dicknipples,” because that sounds like a bad high school teacher’s name.

Kara: “Twat.” Calling it “cunt’s classy cousin” is pretty genius.

Penrefe: “Dick.” Simple. A classic.

Joanna: “Imperial Fuckton.” Like something out of a filthy version of Star Wars.

Antimony: “Dhallar.” Because now we all can learn something, too.

Patrick Regan: “Flaming Thunder-cunt.” Because, how mythic.

Emily B: “Throatfuck.” Because that one’s new to me.

Sarah: “Cock Holster.” It’s really so elegant.

Spomenka: “Slattern.” Why not go old-school?

And that’s our ten, folks.

It was a tough choice. Be on notice. Really enjoyed roadwhore, cuntblocker, twatwaffle. So many good ones. But these are the ones that spoke to me in the cockles of my heart.

YOU TEN PEOPLE:

Hit me up either using the Contact Form above or at chuckwendig [at] terribleminds [dot] com and I’ll get you squared away with a copy of PENMONKEY.

108 comments

  • THE WINNERS:

    Tamsyn: “Bollocks!” Description made me laugh.

    Caytlin: “Shitting Dicknipples,” because that sounds like a bad high school teacher’s name.

    Kara: “Twat.” Calling it “cunt’s classy cousin” is pretty genius.

    Penrefe: “Dick.” Simple. A classic.

    Joanna: “Imperial Fuckton.” Like something out of a filthy version of Star Wars.

    Antimony: “Dhallar.” Because now we all can learn something, too.

    Patrick Regan: “Flaming Thunder-cunt.” Because, how mythic.

    Emily B: “Throatfuck.” Because that one’s new to me.

    Sarah: “Cock Holster.” It’s really so elegant.

    Spomenka: “Slattern.” Why not go old-school?

    And that’s our ten, folks.

    It was a tough choice. Be on notice. Really enjoyed roadwhore, cuntblocker, twatwaffle. So many good ones. But these are the ones that spoke to me in the cockles of my heart.

    YOU TEN PEOPLE:

    Hit me up either using the Contact Form above or at chuckwendig [at] terribleminds [dot] com and I’ll get you squared away with a copy of PENMONKEY.

    — c.

  • Coined by John Oliver (of the Daily Show but coined on his podcast (with co-host Andy Zaltzman) ‘The Bugle’): fuckeulogy. Yes, it is just what it implies. The deceased must be truly deserving (i.e., Hitler, bin Laden, ). Reserved especially for those with absolutely no redeeming qualities whatsoever.
    In its original use: “This is not a tribute episode to Bin Laden as much as a special fuckeulogy to the big guy” (John Oliver, the Bugle podcast #152).

    While it’s not particularly versatile, I think the sparingness with which it is to be used adds to its effectiveness and punch.

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