Blinking Neon: Thursday Vacancy

I’ve decided that, whenever possible, I’m going to take Thursdays off.

I know what you’re saying:

“Buh-buh-buh! But I am addicted to terribleminds. Every day I come here, I nibble open an artery with my bitey teeth, and I jack your sweet-ass motherfucking bloggery straight into my main vein.”

To which I respond: “Main vein is a euphemism for a penis.”

And you say: “I knew that.”

And I’m all like, “I bet you didn’t.”

And you’re like, “Nuh-uh!” And then you spit up on yourself and poop your pants.

No, no, wait, that’s my newborn son. Which is part of why I’m taking some Thursdays off. Except, here’s the thing: I won’t leave you with a vacancy of content. I just can’t do that. I won’t do that to you. I’m not that cruel. My swollen deception-filled ego reminds me with whispered lies that without your daily dose of terribleminds, you will perish from grief. Your heart will be torn asunder like a notebook page ripped in half by angry pinching fingers. (Just shut up and let me pretend, goddamnit.)

I am thus opening up Thursdays to others, should they choose to fill its space. I’ve got a couple of great guest blogs that still need to go up, so you can look for those on upcoming Thursdays.

But I’ll take more. I’d love posts from other storytellers, creative types, writers, what-have-you. I don’t necessarily believe that posts can or should always be about writing, though certainly that’s a fine theme if you feel you’ve got something to bring to the table. Really, though, the floor is yours, the forum is open.

I can’t offer much by way of payment, and though this site does get a fair share of looky-loos these days, I don’t how how meaningful “exposure” is.

I will say you’re free to cross-post.

You can definitely use the post to pimp your work.

And if you don’t already have it, I’ll toss you a copy of IRREGULAR CREATURES or CONFESSIONS OF A FREELANCE PENMONKEY in whatever e-book format you desire.

Also: if you’re not down with a guest post, feel free on offering yourself up on the altar of sacr… I mean, the altar of interviewing. I’d love to interview some smart storytellin’ folks about all kinds of shit.

On those days I don’t have a guest post, I’ll still charge in here and fill the void with my ceaseless jabbering and meandering waffle. Worry not, sad-faced sproglings.

So, if you’re in, well, you have to let me know. Drop a note in the comments or hit me up in the contact form. Don’t be shy. Creators gotta create, gotta put themselves out there. Invite yourselves. Be bold. Proactive. Waggle your genitals at the world and say, “Gaze upon my magnificence.”

(A caveat: I’m not going to automatically publish whatever comes across my doorstep. I need to know what kind of guest post you want to write, and why I should give it space.)

This is an experiment, so let’s see how it goes.


  • What the heck. I’m a writerly type, and I’ve always got something to spew at the internet about, be it about writing or my other favourite creative activities I partake in (like drawing comics and surviving the big bad world after being thrust rudely from the security blanket of education). Also, I like answering random questions about writing, even if I don’t always do so intelligently.

    Thus, I put myself out there, and am willing to Beard On as the need arises. Sign me up.

  • What the hell, I’m in, too. I don’t know if I can cook something up that’s WOW (Worthy of Wendig), but I’ll give it a shot. I’m open to interviewing, too, if you’d like.

    • The thing about interviews and guests posts is, ideally you’ll have some angle unique to you, some pitch that says, “This is why I should write a guest post/be interviewed.” Whether you write games, novels, whether you’ve had success in the self-publishing arena, whether you’ve got some unique perspective (“I’m a three-donged alien from the distant world of Monistat 7″), etc.etc. So, it’s not that I don’t find everybody interesting, only that given the limited space (one day a week) here, I can’t just open the door to everybody who wants the slot just because they want a slot, you dig? No offense meant, of course.

      Point being, pitch me. Sell me. Something.

      And thanks, in advance. :)

      – c.

    • @Aden:

      Oh, I don’t want people to retract offers — I want them to, y’know, enhance the offers. I want to interview people with things to say or experiences they need to share.

      – c.

  • Well, I’d like to give it a try sometime. I’d be happy to do it on the basis that if you don’t like it, it never sees the light of day. It’s a great offer and you’ll love having more time with your newborn (I don’t work Wednesdays so that I can be with my kids, leaving poorer and richer and tireder all in one).

  • The thought of being interviewed by you fills me with…what… fear? No. Anticipation? No, not that either. Gas? No… giggles, that’s it!

    But all I can promise is that it’s so damn hot in the office right now, my filters are down and I might well say anything…

  • Chuck, I thought only yeast spores could survive the harsh, moist environment of the Monistat system.

    Enjoy your well-deserved day off.

    As for guest blogging, I’d like to pitch myself. I’m sorta like Jurassic Park meets Basic Instinct. No, that’s my screenplay. Me, I’m just this guy, you know?

    I’m relatively new on the writing scene- got stories up at Shotgun Honey and Flash Fiction Offensive, some on the way at Beat to a Pulp and Crimefactory- but I’ve been editing the work of friends, and would write about that. About distilling the essence down. That’s why writers drink, isn’t it? Because we’re essentially distilleries of ideas, concentrating them from sour mash and Kentucky piss water to fiery shots or smooth sipping stories.
    That’s how I see editing.

  • Chuck,

    I’d love to write something related to my non-fiction project about a local band and their small studio. The piece I have in mind would discuss the parallels between what they do and the indy publishing movement in books.


  • I’m down for guest blogging and interview. Not only am I a writer with a novel just dying to get published, I’ve gotten screwed by an agent and lived to tell the tale. I’m a motherfucking phoenix. Also, I have two x chromosomes and auditioned for Blue Man Group. Most of my ideas for guest posts are writing-oriented.

  • Valid point sir, my pitch was less pitchy and more a generic flail of ‘I like to write! I can do this guest post thing!’.

    I’m definitely still in the ‘aspiring writer’ camp, nothing published just yet, but I’ve just started posting a webcomic up on the internet, I’m six months out of college with no clue how to hack it in the real world trying to find a use for an English degree, and to top it all I’m in a committed relationship with another novelist, which means we’re both going to be very poor and rather insane the rest of our lives.

    So that’s what I think I could offer; guest posts serving as both constructions of advice (both regarding life and writing) and in some cases as cautionary tales.

  • I’m new around these parts, just reading for less than a month. I devour all morsels of info, and I am looking forward to some guest posts as well.

    Let’s see how far the spider’s web has been flung.

    As for myself, I would love to write something or interview or something but hey, we all do. What do I have to say for myself, not much. Here’s some selling points.

    I have spent half of my life in California and the other half in the TN, WV, PA trifecta. Currently residing in Pittsburgh, complaining loudly about not being able to buy beer at Sheetz.

    I am currently purchasing a home, I don’t want to be a grown up but fuck it had to happen sometime.

    I like Irish Whiskey and long walks on the beach.

    Oh yeah, my dad killed himself last year, making me the executor of his estate. That sucks balls.

    What do I write about? Even before my dad, I spend most of my time writing about death and suicide. I am terribly fucked-up.

    This feels too much like public masterbation. I’ll stop now.

  • I love that you said “put yourselves out there” because I totally want to do this but for some reason it makes me totally nervous.

    Obviously people come to you for writing advice so it would seem redundant to offer that. But I can and I would. I could talk about how I write and how I manage to get a manuscript finished – what has worked for me and what hasnt and the whys of it.

    I have self-published my first novel. I am willing to talk about why I went that route and how it is going in the early stages and what I had to do before I felt like my book was ready.

    And I am an amazing cook. That is something I am not modest about. I grew up with a mother that could not cook to save her life so many of my childhood meals were mostly brown and veggies came from a can. So as an adult I vowed not to cook that way. I swear in another life I was a small, fat Italian Grandmother. I would be happy to share some mouthwatering recipes that I’ve honed over the years. And, for a Thursday post that might be good, the weekend is right around the corner, could give people some dinner ideas.

    Either way, good luck with your idea!

  • For your consideration:

    There’s a lot of fine writing advice floating on the internet sea and I’m a wee bit skeptical I’ve anything noteworthy to add to the briny soup, but I can offer a specialized niche that might be of interest to a select few.

    I can address the practical challenges of:

    - disarticulating and/or macerating a carcass
    - dismemberment and processing of skeletal elements
    - developmental stages of decomposition (below or above soil distribution)
    - identifying anatomical features of specific note
    - skeletal reconstruction

    I’m an anthropologist rather than a forensic scientist, although I’ve used some of the same protocols. I’ve processed a lot of roadkill for taxonomic collections and excavated numerous archaeological sites. I’m a faunal specialist but have worked with human remains. There’s not much difference really.

    You can wangle out if this would be useful to others. I find it a hoot in my own work. But that’s me. The applications are broad. Given enough weathering time, almost any animal will fit inside a five gallon bucket. That has potential. Think about it.

  • Okay, I’m feeling reckless today. I’ll bite. (not literally)

    I just sold my debut novel to HarperCollins in a two book deal. I can offer you a guest post on worldbuilding or revising and I’m also willing to sit on your sacrificial interview altar, provided I can bring hot dogs to roast over the snapping flames.

  • Having successfully waded through the flurry of ideas that came from yesterday’s brainstorm, I present to you a grand and glorious buffet of possible topics. Please pick up a new plate each time you return to the line. Blog Post Buffet, cockroach free for *hastily scribbled* 5 days!!

    As far as credentials go, I write in complete sentences, blather incessantly, and have successfully adhered to blog posting deadlines.

    Buffet :

    * In Which Your Teachers Lied To you : A post about how traditional education teaches us that things which are very beneficial (such as failure) is bad.

    * In Which Your Muse Is Not A Fairy, Dammit : A post denying the “magical fairy muse” and instead offering the “messy six-year old with a box of paints and coveralls smothered in cookie crumbs” muse.

    * In Which You Look Outside The Box, And Then Set the Box on Fire and Piss On The Ashes : A post about my Interactive Steampunk Webserial specifically, but about how the blind pursuit of traditional publishing leads to ulcers and several different kinds of malignant brain cancer.

    * In Which None of The Following Are Magical : Concert Pianists, Writers, and Stage Magicians : A post about how much it pisses me off that people think being a writer is more like being a scrapbooker than a concert pianist, and also about how Stage Magicians ruin it for everyone.

    More post ideas available upon request. Don’t forget to pick up a fork as you leave the buffet, and if I catch you stealing napkins I will release the hounds.


  • I’ve been reading your blog for almost a week now, so it’s really high time you gave something back, dontcha think? Anyway, I’m a wannabe screenwriter/novelist and I wear the title of Wannabe with pride (wannabepride is the name of my blog). You’re all tough love- I’m all warm and fuzzy with wannabe actors, writers, comics, musicians etc. I really believe you need both – unconditional love and support, as well as critics who will kick your ass and make you do your best. Anyway, I could blog about that. Thanks for this opportunity. I look forward to seeing what people come up with.

  • I’ll throw in.

    “Love Advice for the Creative” I’ve got some moldering drafts of love advice articles for creative types. It warns against getting in long term hook-ups with people who don’t support or appreciate your art.

    Topics include:
    “If they don’t read, don’t fuck em’”

    “If they call your art a ‘hobby’, it’s over”

    “What Sam Kinison meant when he said “Aaaaauuugggg!!!”

    “Don’t read the Frog Prince to your daughters unless you want them to marry a drummer.”

  • The story of my life.
    I spent so much time and effort researching what to do with my finished manuscript(s) that I never actually finished any of the fucking manuscripts: A depraved ramber, rambling depraved about how a high school drop out and alcoholic — yes, that’s me — always has and always will write, but may never be an author.
    You are going to want this article because once I achieved a level of infamous depravity that makes Hunter Thompson look like a choir boy, I will biohack my brain to live forever, be buried in a coffin with geothermal USB connection and WiFi only to discover that I shot myself with paramethoxyamphetamine in the heart to kill my body three days before WIFi became obsolete and I will be conscious in a box for eternity with no way of communicating to the outside world that I need to be saved. Then, you will have an article written by me before I swapped my eyeballs and my testicles.
    Also, I am not afraid to use run-on sentences, even though I’m pretty sure that is a series and actually proper, but this one ain’t. And so much for that right now

  • I’m keen, I have several blogs subjects that might fit here:

    * Writing fisticuffs: The differences between real fights and fiction and how to tie them together.

    * Beards: How to keep them soft and fulsome

    * Burnout is not your friend: How to stop the writing life from killing you

    and…as soon as it’s done… releasing short stories on Kindle

    Hope life is treating you well :)

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