Painting With Shotguns #59

PWS (Variant)

Kid-Toucher Writes Book, Internet Shits Its Pants, News At 11

So, yesterday, some foul scumhole self-published a book that was essentially the “best practices for practicing pedophiles” book. He seems to think the book is about creating “safe pedophilia” but is really about being a turd-of-the-earth kid-toucher without getting caught.

The Internet, predictably and perhaps appropriately, acted like a kicked-over anthill.

I figure, “Hey, I’m on the Internet!” Why not devote a few words toward it? Why not contribute my own crazy ant dance?

(Never mind the fact that the search terms on this site will probably get double-vile for a time. Ugh.)

Listen, here’s the deal. What this brings to light, for me, is that people don’t necessarily understand the nature of freedom-of-speech and censorship — and by “people” I do include myself in that department. The rising call to boycott Amazon, and Amazon’s subsequent defense (and then, if the story holds true, removal) of the book is being paraded about as if this is censorship. Amazon does not or should not engage in censorship, blah blah blah. The guy has the right to freedom-of-speech, floo-de-doo.

Censorship and freedom of speech are the provenance of the government. Not retailers. A retailer is allowed to make a choice not to sell something without engaging in censorship or without violating one’s freedom of speech. They are not required to carry every book known to man. By denying the sale of this book (it remains unclear if that’s what they’ve done, yet), Amazon is not stepping on anybody’s rights. Not yours to buy it, not the kid-toucher’s to self-publish it. In fact, what they’re engaging in is exactly the system that allows Amazon to be such a huge deal in the first place:

Capitalism.

If the government tells you you can’t write something or you can write this but not this, that’s censorship. That may step on your own personal freedom-of-speech.

If Amazon says, “I won’t sell this,” that’s just good ol’-fashioned capitalism at work.

Some people are asking, “Why draw attention to this? What does this matter?”

It matters because, just as scumhole viledick kid-touchers can write books, those who don’t approve of such books are allowed to — even encouraged to in an active democracy! — protest. We can make a big stink and ensure that the marriage of democracy and capitalism works in our favor (rare though that may be). We can say, “We will exercise our freedom-of-speech to tell Amazon that we will vote with our voices and our dollars to not give money to a company that itself chooses to make profit by selling books about pedophilia.” We can make a loud fuss. We can stop spending our money there. We can write blog posts and tweets incensed about it and get other people riled up, too.

Sure, that confirms that democracy is the child of a mob mentality, but did you really believe differently? Democracy is the will of the mob. It’s just a way of making the mob’s desires more civil and systematic.

That’s what matters. That we can use our speech — our protected speech — to protest and make a fuss and stir boycotts and create civil disobedience. In fact, I wish we did that kind of thing more.

Oh, and for the record, I also have the freedom-of-speech to say that the fun-loving pedophile advocate should not be arrested. He should, however, have his dick shot off by a pellet rifle.

Why a pellet rifle? Why not a shotgun?

It’ll take hours.

Baby Momma Need Sweet Sweet Comfort (Foods)

In, “Creepiest transition ever,” if you missed the news earlier this week, we are having a baby — a fact that is both terrifying and exciting. As the wife is pregnant, she is caught in the throes of a raucous roller coaster of “morning sickness,” one of the most inappropriately-named symptoms of pregnancy ever (since, you know, it goes on all day and all night).

She has already manifested Pregnancy Supernose (she, like a shark, can smell certain odors from miles away) and she also has found herself and this household mired in Acquired Taste Syndrome, where her tastes are both unpredictable and imprecise.

One predictable taste, though, is that she’s totally into straight-up Mom-and-Pop comfort foods.

What does that mean? Well, we don’t know its exact boundaries, yet, but it includes things like: spaghetti and meatballs, macaroni and cheese, meatloaf, chicken noodle soup, hamburgers and hot dogs, etc. We are a couple that deeply enjoys ethnic food but for right now those tastes just aren’t on her tongue. Strong spices and smells agitate the Nausea Gnomes that have colonized her stomach and inner ear.

So, what I’m looking for?

Recipes.

Recipes for essential comfort foods. I mean that in general — I recognize that you may consider Chicken Korma a comfort food (I sure do), but that doesn’t qualify. Think: essential American home-cooking.

Whaddya got for me? Anything will help.

This Chicken Noodle Soup Recipe Will Explode Your Tongue All Over Your Brain

I did make chicken soup yesterday by cobbling together a handful of recipes, and for once, this soup didn’t suck rancid raccoon spit. I’ve never before made chicken soup that was genuinely tasty — it always felt bland, blah, shallow, hollow. But yesterday’s result was a round, full-tasting soup: savory and comforting.

You want to know what I did? Settle down, nerds. Here’s what I did.

I present another…

Recipe (With Profanity)

The secret, I think, to good chicken soup is to stop fucking around and take the goddamn time to make it awesome. That means it’s a two-stage affair: first, you make the stock, second, you make soup using that stock. Actually, there exists a third stage, the stage where you detonate a delicious soup bomb in the mouths of those consuming your delectable creation, murdering them with the hot shrapnel of scrumdiddliciousness.

First stage? The stock.

Get a rotisserie chicken. A good one. Not some wan little greasy bird, but a clean, flavorful, healthy rotisserie chicken from the best supermarket you have nearest to your tin-roofed shantytown.

Strip the easy meat off of it. (“Easy Meat” was my nickname at soccer camp! True story!) By which I mean, don’t dick around getting all the really-hard-to-reach bits (“the nether meat”) off. Just get the breast and thigh meat and for fuck’s sake wipe off your hands because they’re all greasy. You disgust me.

Into a stock pot pour two quarts of store-bought chicken broth and kick up the heat on that motherfucker. Then drop the chicken into the pot — whoa whoa whoa, I didn’t say put the chicken meat into the pot. Slow down, meth-head. Set the meat aside and use the chicken itself. The part with the bones. Plop that into the broth, and then you’re going to want to bring some additional friends to the party:

Two carrots (choppity-chop), two… I dunno, what’s the technical word for “a unit of celery?” Rib? Wand? Rebar? Two rebars of celery (chopchopchop), one small onion, the green tops of three leeks, two cloves of garlic (roughly chopped, not minced), a bay leaf, a pinch of oregano, a pinch of thyme, a pinch of tarragon, a pinch of sage, and some crack black pepper (grind grind grind). No salt needed: the broth will have it.

Add additional water until the fluid levels are juuuust above the chicken. All wet yet?

Good. Simmer for 45 minutes.

A couple times during the process, skim the fat off with a spoon.

While this is happening, do not rest thine lazy ass. You’re not done, where did you think you were going? You thought you could head off into the other room, play some video games, maybe do a crossword, perhaps sullenly masturbate? Nuh-uh. You have work to do.

Peel and slice three carrots. Chop two batons of celery. Chop three leeks (not the green tops, which you already used). Bisect two cups of green beans (by which I mean bisect each bean, and discard the little jerkoff stemmy bit and — do I really need to explain this to you?). Chop one medium yellow onion. Dice two cups of the chicken meat (both light and dark) — you can save the rest for whatever infernal purpose tickles your loins. Please, just don’t tell me what tickles your loins. Shhh.

Bzzt, your buzzer is going off. Take the stock you just made and first remove the chicken carcass. Then strain the stock through a strainer or sieve into… well, some kind of clean receptacle. I used a bowl but you can use a football helmet. I don’t give a shit. Then, when the chicken corpse has cooled down, you want to pick it apart and rescue any lingering meat (“Lingering Meat” was my nickname in show choir. True fact!) from the bones and set them aside for, again, some other purpose. Whatever makes your grapefruit squirt.

Back to the stockpot. Wash it out, then back onto the range. In the pot goes four tablespoons of butter. Hey, I didn’t say we were making fat-free chicken soup, did I? Fat is flavor, motherfuckers. When that gets wet, throw your leeks and onions into the butter with a dash of salt and a few splashes of water (I literally cup one hand, get some water in the palm, and drop it in). Let them soften for five to ten minutes. When softened, throw the rest of your veggies into there for another five minutes. Let it cook down.

Now, add in the chopped chicken.

Also: another turn of crack black pepper and another dash of salt.

Pour the stock into the pot.

Turn it up, get it to boil. As you’re doing this, you need to add a couple things to kick it up a notch, to give it a rounder, fuller taste.

You’re going to add:

A 1/4 cup of heavy cream.

A splash of soy sauce (and/or Worcestershire sauce).

A meager squirt of Sriracha rooster sauce. If you don’t have this — well, shut up and go buy some.

Taste the proto-soup. You may need to add more salt, one dash at a time.

Stir. Lower heat, simmer its sexy ass for 45 minutes.

BZZZZ. Buzzer again. Goddamn that thing is loud, don’t you just want to kick it in its dumb buzzer face? I mean, for reals. Anyway, now it’s time for a few more final additions to the pot, baby:

Eight ounces of egg noodles. Dump ‘em in there.

With them? A pinch of oregano and a pinch of tarragon (again, yes). You can use fresh herbs for all of this, and I bet it’d be even more super-holy-shit-delicious, but I don’t lead a fancy life and don’t have fresh herbs just hanging around the house. I have mouths to feed. Namely, my own. Also, I’m lazy. Shut up. Dry herbs for now, fresh if you want to get froofy.

Cook for another 15 minutes.

And that’s it, ladies and motherfuckers. Chicken noodle soup.

With profanity. Please to enjoy.

Links In The Great Cosmic Chain

First and most importantly — congrats to John “The Hornor, The Hornor” Jacobs for nabbing a sweet-ass deal for Night Shade Books to publish his novel, SOUTHERN GODS. (Stacia described the book to me and it sounds apeshit awesome, so I really cannot wait to read it.) Go over to his bloggeryspace and congratulate his sexy ass.

Julie Summerell writes a bedtime story and it’s… well. Listen, do yourself a favor and just go check it out.  It features the phrase, “Boogeyman loves the taste of chicken.”

YAHOO ANSWERS FAIL.

Photobomb!

And finally, 18 Dogs That Look Like Chewbacca.

40 comments

  • Screaming down a dickhead is not democracy. And banning a book from sale is censorship. A democracy may subject one to the will of the majority but civil liberties are included in the constitution to preserve the minority and, distasteful as it may seem, those rights have to be extended to everyone, pedophile or not.

    So, congrats on the book banning. People are already dredging up more offensive titles so we can have the same fun next week…

    • @TNT:

      No.

      If the government banned the book from sale, that’s censorship. If a retailer chooses not to sell a book, that is a business decision.

      If I walk into Barnes and Noble with a box of books about Denying the Holocaust and say, “You need to sell these,” they are not obligated to sell them. They’re not obligated to sell them even if it is an awesome novel about space weasels. This is not censorship.

      Further, there exists a misconception that our rights in this country are somehow absolute. They are not. Criminals lose a great many rights by being criminals. This may be good or bad depending on your position — I’m not arguing the value, but it is a reality. A pedophile gives up certain rights by being a kid-toucher. He gives up privacy, for one (I can locate all the kid-touchers on my block with a few keystrokes).

      Also, do not equate “minority” with “pedophile.” What minority is being preserved by Amazon not selling a book advocating pederasty, exactly?

      — c.

  • I have nothing to add regarding said kiddie-toucher. Although, I’m sure that I’ll make light of the book sooner or later.
    Kid, eh? Fuck, man, everyone’s getting knocked up around here! You’re the 3rd friend in the past two weeks to declare an upcoming spawn. Congrats!

    The BEST Bean Soup in the World:
    Bean Soup
    1 package of 15 bean soup mix.
    1-2 cans of Ro-Tel tomatoes with chilies
    1-2 cups of diced smoked ham & a ham bone if you have one
    1 diced medium onion
    1/2-1 cup shredded carrots
    1 4oz. can of chopped jalapenos, or less depending on how hot you want it
    Instant mashed potatoes

    Soak the beans overnight, drain & add to your crock pot along with everything but the potatoes & let it simmer until the beans are done. Add the instant potatoes if you like it thicker, or chicken stock is you want it thinner.

    It goes very well with beer bread – find a recipe for that and replace whatever beer they say to use with a sharp nasty IPA and whatever cheese they recommend with the sharpest, nastiest cheddar you can find.

  • You are absolutely right, Chuck. You explained the difference very well.

    Also, thank you for the link.

    I’ll think on the comfort food deal. Actually, I do have one idea, but first I need to know if pork chops are on the Ok list. For some reason when I was pregnant with Livvie I couldn’t even think about a pork chop without wanting to hurl. Did not have that trouble with Jonas.

  • Ah, the wraith of the internet stings deeply! Very interesting post. I was watching the whole thing unfold yesterday with Amazon.

    Anyways, here’s a home-y recipe. Lasagna is to me at least.

    VEGETARIAN LASAGNA

    1 lg. jar spaghetti sauce
    1 jar mushrooms
    1 can cream of mushroom soup
    1 package frozen spinach, well drained
    1 lg. carton cottagecheese
    1 egg
    Parmesan cheese
    Noodles

    Heat spaghetti sauce and mix in cream of mushroom soup. Let warm.
    Mix together spinach and mushrooms with cottage cheese, egg and 1/4 cup Parmesan cheese.
    Spread layer of sauce over bottom of pan, then noodles (uncooked)
    Spread veggie cheese layer
    Repeat layering process
    Sprinkle Parmesan cheese over top.
    Cover tight with foil and bake 45 to an hour at 325 degrees. Remove foil and bake 15 minutes. Let stand 10 minutes before serving.

    Devour!

  • I don’t take issue with Amazon one way or the other. As a business, they do have to right to carry or not carry whatever they see fit. What I do take issue with is the army of armchair activists taking over the #SpeakLoudly tag to scream about taking this book down. That tag came about to defend several YA titles (mostly Laurie Halse Anderson’s Speak) from another internet dick weed that wanted them banned for peddling porn to teens. (Which they didn’t as Speak is about the aftermath of rape.) It’s against the spirit of the movement.

    Second, I see a lot of blanket misunderstanding about pedophilia and how paraphilia’s as a whole work. I do agree that this man should be looked into. He’s a deplorable human being. But the term pedophilia is not instantly interchangeable with child molestation. One is thought, one is action. It’s a slippery slope when people start calling thoughts illegal. I get the knee jerk reaction. I had it at first.

    Then there’s those armchair activists. Screaming vitriol (or conversely, pleading for compassion) on the internet doesn’t amount to much. If only half those people channeled their internet outrage into donations of volunteer work for organizations like RAINN, then they’d have a direct impact on less children falling prey to douchebags like this. Sure, feel outrage; but then do us all a favor and get off your ass and do something about it.

    And I say this all as the niece of a child molester and the daughter of his victim.

  • I wasn’t trying to defend pedophilia. I don’t wanna have to defend people who write books about it either. But I don’t believe in thought crime. I don’t believe some books are worth banning and others are not. I don’t believe that I am the arbiter of decency even though I might have a strong feeling about what’s right and wrong.

    It freaks me out when people hold up a book and ascribe to it the entire horror of the deplorable ideas, like it’s books that commit crimes, not people.

    I realize there’s another view on this. I’m willing to see the shades of gray. I didn’t mean to be so dramatic.

    • @TNT:

      I realize that you were not defending pedophiles, and I don’t suspect anybody who is critical of Amazon’s response is.

      The thing to me is that, this book has not been banned.

      That’s where confusion exists. A banned book means a book that isn’t allowed in schools, or a book that the government has deemed illegal or immoral or what-have-you. “Ban” is a legal term. If Amazon has truly stopped selling this book, that is not a ban. That is no more a ban than if Target stops carrying Gilette products. It’s just… business. And removing it is purely a business decision: they have determined that it is likely more profitable to stop selling the book than it is to continue its sale.

      The moral and vocal outrage is, justified or not, an emblem of democracy and capitalism in action. We should be allowed to vote with our voice and our dollars (and frankly, in this consumer-driven world, voting with your dollar probably matters just as much as voting with your actual vote). Like @Kate says, it would matter even more if people put money toward good causes — that, too, is a way of voting with your dollar.

      — c.

  • So capitalism is good for something after all. Who knew?

    I have two comfort recipes that might suit. These are the clean versions – you want the explicit, I’ll e-mail ‘em to you.

    Chicken Nuggets (swiped from One Bite Won’t Kill You by Hodgman and messed with):

    Cover a baking pan with foil and spray it or grease it in your preferred manner (this is not a euphamism).

    Cut up about a pound of raw chicken meat into bite sized pieces or strips. Put these in a bowl and add enough olive oil or whatever you have to coat each piece and stir everything up until they are.

    Empty a sleeve of crackers (Saltines need not apply–use a buttery type) into a plastic bag and crush them up. Add a little garlic powder, a little oregano, a little grated parmesan, whatever won’t upset the nausea gremlins.

    Do the Shake and Bake thing with the oiled chicken and the crumbs. If you’re too young to know what Shake and Bake is, you’re on your own because I don’t want to hear it. Put the crumbed nuggets on the foiled pan and bake them at 375* for about 15 minutes or until done through – I usually make one huge mutant nugget and cut it in half at the twelve minute mark to see if it’s done.

    Serve with whatever salad dressings you like – this isn’t a roumalade-type recipe, but if you must . . . Makes good chicken wraps, too.

    Shepherds’ Pie:

    I use a pound of ground beef or turkey , since shepherds are endangered in my area and lamb is expensive. Suit yourself.

    Cut about 8 ounces of fresh green beans into spoonable lengths, or defrost half a bag (I don’t judge). Peel and boil three or four large potatoes for mashing or make up three or four cups of instant (I still don’t judge – but I’d be disappointed).

    Brown the beef. Add a chopped onion and a clove or two of pressed garlic, and whatever herbs the nausea gnomes won’t notice – salt , pepper, Worcestershire or soy, oregano, thyme, sage, page eleven of the August Penzeys catalog, whatever.

    Add a small can of tomato sauce (8 oz) and maybe a handful of water (nice to know I’m not alone), throw in the green beans, turn down the heat, and leave the skillet alone while you drain and mash your potatoes in your favorite way (this is not a euphamism).

    Grease or spray a casserole dish and fill it with the meat mixture. Spread the mashed potatoes thickly on top, sealing around the edge of the dish. poke a few hole in the middle so the thing doesn’t Vesuvius on you in the oven.

    Bake for about 25 minutes at 325* or 350*.

  • I don’t have too much time to comment because I’ve been and am hella busy (seriously though, wtf about the “best practices for practicing pedophiles” book???) but…I did want to congratulate you two on the impending baby. I also somehow completely missed the good news. I wish you all the best (and now maybe someday I can read your sweet blogs on balancing a family and freelance work. I’m very happy for you!

  • I have a recipe that might suit. My husband (he of the sensitive tummy) loves it; so did a (formerly) fussy-eater friend when I brought it to one of her potluck parties a while back.

    I make it in the slow cooker, though I suppose it could be adapted to the stove top. Stolen from “Woman’s Day” magazine; the original recipe used pork and parsnips, but I prefer beef and carrots, respectively.

    Beef & Cider Stew

    Ingredients:

    4 medium or 6 small potatoes, cut into ¾ inch pieces
    2 medium carrots, peeled and cut into ½ inch thick slices (or one bag baby carrots)
    1 cup chopped onion
    2 pounds beef stew meat, cut into 1-inch pieces
    1 large Granny Smith apple, peeled, cored, and coarsely chopped
    ¼ cup flour
    ¾ teaspoon salt (slightly less may be used)
    ½ teaspoon each dried sage and thyme
    ¼ teaspoon pepper
    1 cup apple cider (may substitute apple juice)

    Directions:

    1. Layer onion, carrots, potatoes, beef and apple in a 3 ½ quart or larger slow cooker.

    2. Stir together flour, salt, sage, thyme and pepper in a small bowl until mixed. Add cider and stir until smooth. Pour over meat and vegetables.

    3. Cover and cook on the LOW setting 7 to 9 hours or until meat and potatoes are tender when pierced. Serves 5.

  • Congratulations on the baby!

    The best turkey pot pie I have ever tasted and/or made:

    2 frozen deep dish pie shells, thawed
    4 tablespoons butter, divided
    1 small onions, minced
    2 stalks celery, chopped
    2 carrots, diced
    3 tablespoons dried parsley
    1 teaspoon dried oregano
    salt and pepper
    2 1/4 cups chicken broth
    2 -3 potatoes, peeled and cubed
    1 1/2 cups cubed cooked turkey
    3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
    1/2 cup milk

    1.Preheat oven to 425°F (220°C).
    2.Melt 2 tablespoons butter in a large skillet over medium heat; add the onion, celery, carrots, parsley, oregano, and salt and pepper.
    3.Cook and stir until the vegetables are soft.
    4.Stir in the broth.
    5.Bring mixture to a boil.
    6.Stir in the potatoes, and cook until tender but still firm.
    7.In a medium saucepan, melt the remaining 2 tablespoons butter.
    8.Stir in the turkey and flour.
    9.Add the milk, and heat through.
    10.Stir the turkey mixture into the vegetable mixture, and cook until thickened.
    11.Cool slightly, then pour mixture into 1 unbaked pie shell.
    12.Cover with remaining crust.
    13.Flute edges, and make 4 slits in the top crust to let out steam.
    14.Place on a cookie sheet.
    15.Bake in the preheated oven for 15 minutes.
    16.Reduce oven temperature to 350°F (175°C), and continue baking for 20 minutes, or until crust is golden brown. Note- Cooling the filling before putting in pie shell is EXTREMELY important, if it is too hot it will make the crust mushy.

  • Since you’re so great at feeding my mind (hate to just say ‘I agree w/you!’…seems so…simple) & hope this recipe will feed you! Thanks Chuck…you rock!

    Beef Stew Part One:

    3 lbs ground chuck…the cow, not you – 2 thingies of celery…large chop – 1 large onion…large chop – 2 cloves garlic…chopped – 2 bay leaves, 1tsp thyme, 20(ish) black peppercorns – 2 cups of mind blowing beef broth/stock (don’t use crappy stuff, it’ll ruin it)

    You can do this in a dutch oven but you’ll save a lot of money on airfare using a slow cooker. (Oven @325, Slow cooker on low) Sear the meat on both sides using a little olive oil. Then saute the rest in a bit more olive oil (except of course the stock, that’d be messy) until the onions start to get a little brown. Throw everything back in the pot and let it cook in the oven 3 hours, slow cooker 6 hours. Go have some fun…but not too much…you’re wife’s preggers.

    Part 2: 2 (or more) carrots, peeled & cut into bite sized pieces – possibly a bit more cosmic beef stock

    This is the messy/fun part. Pull the meat from the pot, and shred it into slightly bigger than bite size pieces. Separate the liquid and all the rest of the stuff in the pot. The liquid goes right back in the pot…with the stuff you can either 1) puree it all together in a blender or 2) toss it…choice is yours…I’ve done both & they’re both equally yummy. Put the meat back in the pot, add the pureed stuff if you went that direction, or add a bit more of that cosmic beef stock you’ve got handy, enough to cover everything. Throw the carrots in and cook it all another hour in the oven or two or so in the slow cooker. You might need to add a bit of salt…that’s up to you…but this is really good stuff…Comfort all the way!

    I recommend some buttery mashed potatoes to go with this…and apple pie for dessert. Also, an extra hour on the cardio workout later…

  • A couple of thoughts on the pedophile case –

    1) I don’t think the word that people are looking for is “censorship.” Agreed, they’re saying censorship, and censorship means something else.

    This is something else, and we probably need a pejorative word for it. “Bullying” is not specific enough; “boycotting” makes it sound noble.

    “Capitalism at work” is inaccurate; if it were mere capitalism at work, people would not buy the book, end of story.

    This is a rush of people crowdsourcing their ability to force people and companies to do what they want to do, without the benefit of using any kind of legal process. “4channing”? For good or evil, a kind of terrifying force.

    2) If it were not Amazon that was getting 4channed (or whatever), if it were the author’s mom saying “I love my boy, even if I don’t agree with him,” the response would be different. It looks like corporations are going to be treated like (or better than) people in most cases, except when we can use it to justify what would be unconscionable otherwise.

    But what Amazon did was say, “I support writers’ freedom to exercise free speech, even if I don’t agree with them,” and it’s okay if we punish them for putting their money where their mouth is – not through the legal system or through the instruments of capitalism (just don’t buy stuff from them!), but by spamming them and making threats.

    3) We live in a democracy (or a republic, if you want to quibble). If we force a company to adhere to a policy by means other than laws or by buying/not buying their stuff, we are still acting, effectively, as the government. One of the reasons we make laws is so people can’t go on witch hunts like this. If we, as a country, are going to make a de-facto law that some free speech is NOT okay, then we, as a country, had better have the balls to put it in writing.

    Chicken soup: I don’t have good luck with rotisseries, so here’s mine:

    1 chicken, no liver

    • @DeAnna:

      It’s not merely capitalism in action, though — it is the marriage of capitalism and democracy in action.

      Simply not buying the book isn’t enough for a company like Amazon, who can put the listing up for free, effectively. They don’t have limited shelf-space at the store, for instance. The other solution then is not spending money at Amazon, which is fine — but boycotts exist as a preemptive notification of that maneuver. They also ensure that others become aware of the need to vote with one’s dollar: we weren’t all magically aware that the book was on sale. We became aware through the sharing of information.

      Keep in mind, boycotts have been used effectively over the last century — it is wholly inaccurate to think of this as a product of 4chan, somehow.

      Finally, we are not the government and are not acting as the government. It’s a bit dramatic to think of this as a witch hunt, I suspect: it’s just a noisy boycott, and not necessarily the most effective one, either. The book isn’t legally banned. The government has not arrested him. Besides: free speech is not absolute. We have already determined as a country that free speech is not universal and that some speech is simply not protected. Speech that represents dangerous materials is not protected. Speech that expresses threat is not protected. Libel, slander? Not protected. Any speech that is believed to violate public interest is generally considered “not free.” And, even still, this dude writes a book promoting the best practices of kid-touching and it isn’t banned, he isn’t arrested, and his rights were not violated. That should make it very clear that we live in a country that takes free speech either a) very seriously or (more cynically) b) very lazily.

      — c.

  • I cut off my chicken soup recipe! NOOO!

    1 chicken, no liver
    1 onion, cut in half
    1 carrot, cut in chunks
    2 celery stalks
    —>plus contents of soup bag in freezer, which includes all roast chicken chicken bones since last time I made soup, usually 2-3 backbones, some onion ends, and carrot peelings
    1 bay leaf
    Water to cover

    Simmer, covered, until the meat falls off the bone. Don’t bother to strain or anything. Pull out larger chunks and set aside, then pour soup through a strainer lined with a non-fuzzy (linen) towel. NOT cheesecloth. You want that fat; it’s lovely. People have been tricking into low-fat chicken noodle soup for years; it’s a ripoff. Also, don’t strain off fat then add back in butter. Chicken soup is supposed to taste like chicken, not butter.

    Clean out pot, add some broth, and add chicken, noodles, NEW veggies, or dumplings, whatever. I like adding dill. Use the rest of the meat for chicken salad. When adding salt, keep in mind that anything starchy in the soup will soak up the salt, so check the salt level after a couple of hours, if you have leftovers.

  • Pickled Ginger works great for morning sickness. It was the only thing that helped me (I had morning sickness up until I gave birth) congrats on the baby.

  • Wow! Baby coming.

    Congrats!

    I went through pregnancy craving for mashed potatoes and peanut butter sandwichs with… *gasp* pepperoni. And lots, lots of Chinese food. Then I guess I’d never be a good source for comfort food recipes. Hehe.

    (And, boy, isn’t it hard to find a decent peanut butter below the Equator?)

  • C-

    I didn’t bother to read earlier posts, but you should run out to your local bookstore and pick up “The America’s Test Kitchen Family Cookbook”.

    Why?

    ‘Cause it’s one big book of the best damned recipes this country has ever seen. Oh, and it’s from that PBS cooking show of the same name. Most importantly though, it is a cookbook that provides a narrative for each recipe. Kimball will tell you all about every failed attempt at preparing each dish, and how to avoid such pitfalls yourself.

    You could also go to any supermarket and there in the magazine aisle you should find “Cooks Illustrated”. It’s a monthly mag where the previously mentioned cookbook publishes recipes, so that you don’t have to wait for the big cookbook to get your hands on them.

    My wife and I use these recipes 5 or 6 nights a week. We love that usually a “just for two” version is included.

  • I’m sitting at the King of Prussia mall right now, waiting for my baby to be fixed at the Mac store. :(
    When I get in front of a non-iPhone keyboard, however, I’ll be typing up some fantastic, easy comfort food recipes to appease your lady and the proto-wendig.
    And I’m a chubby bitch – I know me some fine, fine comfort food recipes.

  • Dude, I’m not touching the Amazon business other than to say you’re dead on.

    Super-secret anti-morning sickness remedy: take about a 1 inch piece of ginger, chop it up. Pour a can of coke into a saucepan, throw the ginger in there, and cook it until it gets a little syrupy. Strain, drink, feel better! It actually tastes pretty good. =)

    You chicken soup recipe sounds good! I usually do about what you do, but I brown the bones with a whole onion & the celery leaves and then deglaze the pan with white wine before I get the stock going.

  • Homemade Mac N Cheese

    2 tbsp butter
    2 tbsp flour
    2-1/2 c milk
    1 block sharp cheddar
    1/2 box noodle of choice (shells are neat)

    Boil water for pasta. Melt butter in large pan, mix in flour. Add milk, then cheese (cheese melts faster if it’s grated) Cook on medium, stirring often, until melty. Cook noodles for 6 minutes (or approximately 2 minutes less than directed). Place noodles in casserole dish, cover with sauce. Sprinkle with bread crumbs (optional). Bake at 325-350 for 30 minutes.

  • I received a response from Amazon support stating that the book had been pulled from their inventory. I also emailed the Pueblo, CO police department about the author (according to his Amazon bio that’s where he lives). No information as to whether or not they are looking into it, but I did get a response back stating that they had received several other emails. So at least they know.

    I don’t know that this even falls within the realms of “free speech”. Several laws have been written re: child pornography. Some have been upheld and some have been stricken down. If there’s not already a law that prohibits the publishing of a pedophile “how-to” guide… there probably will be one soon.

  • I suggest crock-pot cookin’… fills the house with nice tasty food smells which makes anything go down easier, plus it’s good for anything from tender roasts to chicken noodle-bean soup (profanity free recipe… boil some beans of various kinds, drain and clean, boil some pasta, drain and clean. put in slow cooker with chicken broth. Leave overnight and add chicken meat the next morning. Wait a couple more hours and serve).

  • Lazy Apple Crumble

    This is really simple since it removes the necessity of making the crumble part, but tastes just as good. It’s great if you’ve not got time to make proper crumble but want something warming for desert.

    Pack of digestives,
    Sugar,
    Apples,

    AND… Anything else you want to throw in, cinnamon, nutmeg, almond syrup pretty good too.

    Peel, chop apples, spread them in a baking tray, cover with liberal amounts of sugar, and any other bits and pieces cinnamon ‘n whatnot. Smash the biccies up and spread them on top, put a smidgeon of sugar on to that then, bung it in the oven and get it back out when the biscuits and sugar are browning. Serve lots of it, with custard.

  • I was going to comment of the Amazon issue but there has been enough debate of that matter, on my opinion.
    I am on the capitalism side of the argument. Money and Amazon could be synonymous any day now.
    Anyways, I wanted to congratulate you on the baby and for writing this amazing post where the ideas changed from paedophilia to soups and babys in less than a page.

    I also made the note to use as much as possible the new verb I discovered here: “to 4chan”. 4channing. I’ve been 4 channed.
    So useful

    Cheers from Chile.

  • Congratulations on the baby! I got pregnant after I moved to Europe and I had the exact same reaction to your wife. I got pretty close to recreating Kraft Macaroni and Cheese with French cheeses and food coloring, which was kind of scary in itself. I also discovered a dreadful love of McDonald’s cheeseburgers. No, a Big Mac would not do. No, Burger King would not suffice. It had to be one of those dinky little cheeseburgers.

    Anyway, other things that made me happy: potato chips with onion dip, tuna sandwiches with mayo and chopped up pickles, Yorkshire puddings with gravy (not traditional in our California household but I think they just had the right amount of stodge to qualify), roast chicken with stuffing, baked potatoes with beans or cheese or beans AND cheese, hashbrowns, thin slices roast beef with horseradish and cranberry sauce. I won’t bother with recipes for any of these but hopefully they may inspire something exciting … or at least edible without nausea. :D

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