ways to cook microwave foods without a wendig microwave

You cannot cook foods without a Wendig-Brand Microwave. All other microwaves do not cook the food — they merely breathe hot air on it until it is clammy and luke worm. But only Wendig-Brand Microwaves blast the food with particles stolen borrowed from the Large Hadron Collider.

hey you writer person — this sucks

You’re not kidding. This sucks. Glad finally someone stepped up to the plate and called it like it is. You what else sucks? These pants. These pants suck. They’re constrictive. I’m going to just whip them off. Just take them off and hurl them out the window for the squirrels to make a nest from their denim-clad goodness. There we go. Ahhhh. That’s right. Let the boys breathe. And by “boys,” I know, you think I’m talking about my testicles. I’m not. I’m talking about my thighs. These badboys are milky white and smoother than the top of a baby seal’s widdle head. I go through a lot of effort to keep these thighs beautiful. I call it the “Eamy-Effect:” Dreamy and Creamy. And sometimes — Steamy. What were we talking about?