Search Term Bingo, The Epic Saga (Pt 6)

how the fuck my beard grow?

Homeless people yell this to me constantly.

Here’s how your beard grow:

With love and attention.

And also, you must consume the blood of the innocent.

i want to make a drink called miami vice

Hey, no problem. Let me be your barkeep. Your “drinkologist.” Okay, first, white dude and a black dude. So we need something white and black. Let’s say: milk and Guinness. But, Miami Vice is also Floridian, yeah? So we need that fruity 1980s component. Throw into the glass a shitload of Midori, orange juice, and coconut rum. Of course, Miami Vice also sucked really bad, so probably throw in an ounce apiece of: bat urine, hair gel, and chopped-up Jelly bracelets. Now: into a shaker, mix with ice, pour over three ounces of crushed sadness.

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