Crack Open The Diary, Reveal Your Deepest Food Secrets

It’s a holiday.

And holidays are a great breakfast day.

Eat in or go out, everybody’s home, and they’re eyeing up the skillet and fridge with the delirious madness of a meth-addicted necrophiliac whose crazy eye spies a fresh corpse stuffed with sweet rock ice.

This morning I’m thinking, okay, maybe an omelette. Or maybe, just maybe, some scrambled eggs. Basic, but if done right? Totally elegant, totally delicious. And so often made imperfectly — hell, my scrambled eggs (aka “baby want scramby-scramby”) for years secretly sucked, and I didn’t even know it. They were too wet or too dry, and often too heavy. Then I saw Gordon Ramsay make ’em:

And, that was that.

Now I get it. Now my eggs are light and fluffy.

Then, on Saturday night, Frequent Dinner Companion Becky said, “You should make your scrambled eggs with cream cheese and baking soda, and if you don’t, I’ll take one of these prawns and stab its sharp antenna bits into your eye.” And then just to prove her dinner table dominance, Becky ate part of a dinner plate, then threw some flambeed sausage into a waitress’ hair. It was an unpleasant moment, one which we shall not repeat again lest Becky catch wind of it and come to hunt us all like the prey animals we are.

Anyway, I was like, “Whuhhh?” *eyes goggle out of my head* Cream cheese? Baking soda?

That’s crazy talk!

I haven’t tried it yet, but I will, just so Becky doesn’t hurt me or my loved ones.

But it does call to mind an interesting question, one I’m framing around breakfast but that could handily apply to any meal of the day: what are your recipe secrets? What special tricks and dirty little secrets do you bring to expected meals to make them… somehow unexpected? Hell, even if they’re not secrets, feel free to crack open your own personal recipe book, throw out Your One True Way of making…

Well, just about anything.

Dang, it could even come down to condiments: “I really like ketchup on my spaghetti. I love Sriracha on donuts. I love hand lotion squirted into a hot bowl of Ramen.” (Becky also said that baking soda is good for tomato sauce, as it cuts acidity without having to mask said acidity with, say, sugar.)

Your recipe tips and tricks.

I demand them.


Don’t make me send Becky to your house. With prawns and flambeed sausage.