Feed Me

Yesterday was all, “Rage! Fury! Tarballs! Tarballs!”

Today is all, “Mmm. Recipes.”

First a question. Then, a recipe.

See, it’s Saturday. And Saturdays are notoriously slow around these parts, so that makes them good days to punt the ball into your predefined playsphere. Meaning, I ask you something. And you answer me, because you love me. Because you’re a gaggle of sycophants. Oh, not because it’s in your nature. It’s because I’ve drugged your Internet connection. Your routers and modems now emit a calming mist. And by “calming mist,” I mean to say, “Rufie fog.” It’s nice, isn’t it? You can just sit there. Eyes droopy. Half-lidded. And I can tell you, “You love the Wendigo. You love the bearded Wendigo,” and you’re all like, “Muhguhnuhbrubduhbluh. Luh. Luh thuh Wehdeeguh. Beard. Beeaaaard. Buh.”

Good times.

So, today’s question, which is really more of a command statement:

Give me a recipe.

I need some new recipes. I have too many cookbooks and about a billion back issues of cooking magazines, and it’s getting hard to filter all that stuff out. I’d rather have targeted recipes from people I trust. Or, at least, people I happen to have Rufied into compliance.

So, get your little buttocks down there to comment lab, and cook up some food experiments for Daddy. I’ll take any recipe you care to share. And, in the meantime, feel free to bop on over to Miss Summerell’s food blog, “You’d Better Eat This.” It’s good stuff.

And now, a recipe. A little quid pro quo, Clarice.

Thai “Pesto,” Motherfuckers

I made this ass-slapping Thai pesto the other night. Er, “pesto,” I guess, because — y’know, I’m breaking rules with this dish. I had basil, and I was planning on making pesto, but then I was all like, “Damn, I really love the Thai flavors. The Bangkok deliciousness. I’m going to make some shit up.”

And make some shit up, I did.

So, get yourself a food processor. A good one. Don’t dick around with a lame food processor.

Don’t cut open your body with the blades. Those fackers are sharp.

Into the food processor, you’re going to put these things:

1 cup of basil leaves, fresh (Thai basil if you have it; I did not)

3/4 cup of ginger-glazed almonds (from Alton Brown)

4 cloves of garlic

1 TBsp ground ginger (or fresh, but I didn’t have fresh, so shut up)

A splash (unmeasured, but I’d say it’s about 1/2 TBsp) of Sriracha

A dash of salt

A squirt of honey (again, unmeasured, but probably 1/2 – 1 TBsp)

1 TBsp of almond butter (or peanut butter if you don’t have that)

The juice from two limes

[EDIT: 1 TBsp fish sauce]

Then, blend it.

While it’s choppity-chopping, time to pour in the oil. I went with:

3/4 cup dark or toasted sesame oil

Though you could probably go with some peanut oil, instead. Or walnut oil. Or tarballs from the Gulf Coast. See how I bring it back around? Somebody should be paying me for this.

And that’s it. That’s that. Thai Pesto, er, “Pesto,” motherfuckers. What do you do with this? Besides eat it with a spoon? (Okay, maybe not that.) I put it on chicken thighs (deboned), but y’know what I was thinking? Pizza. Damn yeah, pizza. See, in case you missed my Easy Bullshit Made-up Delicious Pizza recipe, you get yourself some good store-bought Garlic Naan (I buy Archer Farms brand from Target), and then put the oven to 400-425, then heap shit on that naan just like it’s pizza dough, baby. Sauce, cheese, pepperoni, fishbones, the still-flapping tongues of your enemies, whatever. I figure with this stuff, your sauce could be the Thai Pesto (er, “Pesto”). And then, y’know, whatever else on top. Maybe no cheese. Because all Asians fear cheese. /falsestereotype


    • @DeAnna:

      Ginger works for the galangal.

      Citrus juice works for the lemongrass.

      Don’t want cilantro to overpower the basil.

      But! But. I did forget to mention: 1TBsp fish sauce.

      – c.

  • Potato pancakes. I do them whenever I am hungry and I do not mind fucking around with peeling the fuckers.

    Okay, so here’s the ingredients (all eye-balled):

    3 big potatoes
    2 tablespoons flour
    1 big egg
    1 teaspoon salt

    Anything you want. The base is potatoes, egg, flour – that’s what artists call “a canvas”. Paint with what you want: onions, garlic, apples, pumpkin seeds, pepper, peppers, it’s all good. I usually just grate up whatever I have left in the kitchen and mix it in. There is no “wrong” here.

    What to do:
    Peel potatoes. Grate them (for added comfort, put the bowl and grate into the sink – you won’t have to raise your arms now) into a bowl. If the potatoe mush is watery, put the grated mush on a sieve and allow the liquid to pour out. Beat the egg. Add salt to egg. Add 1 spoon flour and egg to mush and mix. If the dough is the right consistency: uniform, wet, but not watery. Do not add too much flour.

    Now you just have to fry them on your favourite oil or substitute (you guys probably have some space age frying pans that don’t need oil in the US, hell if I know; I use sunflower oil because sunflowers are pretty).

    You can serve them with: sugar (if plain), cream, sour milk (yum!) or mushrooms. My favourite side to them are sliced tomatoes in plain yoghurt with some salt.

  • Here’s the tuna salad I tend to throw together when money’s tight and it’s balls-moisteningly warm outside.

    1+ cans of tuna, drained, white albacore is best.

    1+ hard-boiled eggs, same number as the cans of tuna, chopped coarse or fine as you like.

    1+ tbsp mayonnaise, or Miracle Whip, or baconaisse or whatever. Keep proportions.

    Basil, oregano, rosemary, garlic (minced, ground or salt-form), salt & pepper to taste.

    It’s pretty basic stuff. Tuna and egg bits go into a bowl, mix in the mayo. As you mix, toss in some of the spices. Give the mixture a taste. It can take a few mixes to get the right balance of spices and tuna-flavor, but once you do, your mind will be blown. Seriously. Your mind? Blown.

    Eat on sammiches with cheese, out of the bowl with Ritz crackers or wrapped up lettuce if you want to pretend to be eating healthy.

    Take this. Run with it. Enjoy.

  • Here’s an interesting recipe I picked up a while back. It’s Spaghetti with a spicy tuna sauce. I can’t take any credit for this recipe. I found it years ago and thought it was amazing. I have tuned it a bit to my taste though and added some extra cooking instructions for non-Italians.

    Spaghetti al tonno piccante

    A small can of tuna (packed in olive oil is best)
    1 clove of garlic (not sliced, just squished with the back of the knife)
    1/2 of a small/med sized onion (chopped)
    Cayenne pepper
    1 can of diced plum tomatoes, without basil and other herbs if you can find it
    1 tbs Olive Oil (less if you use tuna packed in oil)
    Chopped Parsley (optional)

    1. Drain the tuna of water or oil. If it is packed it water, mash it up in a bowl with a teaspoon of olive oil, if you don’t have olive oil just mash it up with some regular oil.

    2. Fill up a big pot with water and a 1/2-1 teaspoon of salt. I use coarse see salt and add about a teaspoon, but with fine salt the ratio tends to be different. Add the salt, it makes a big difference and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

    3. In a sauce pan, sautee the garlic in olive oil on low heat until it is golden, but not burnt.

    4. Add the chopped onion and sautee until transparent.

    5. Add the mashed up tuna and sautee for a couple of minutes.

    6. Add the can of tomatoes and mix it all up and cook on medium heat until it boils and then on low heat until the tomatoes are cooked. They are cooked when they are sweet. If it starts to get dry, add some water. Mix in the cayenne pepper to taste.

    7. About 2 or 3 minutes after the tomatoes have started cooking and the water is already boiling, add the pasta. Give it a stir after a couple of minutes to make sure it isn’t sticking to the pan. About the time on the package: about 3 minutes before the stated time, try the pasta and do this about every minute for then on. The time given is a guideline that normally leads to squishy, overcooked pasta, especially if you buy garbage pasta. Only buy pasta from italian companies. De Cecco and La Molisana are good if you can find them, Barilla and San Georgio are acceptable if you are on a budget. The pasta and how you cook it is just as important as the sauce. The difference in pasta is due to how it is dried; fast dried “cheap” pasta is too smooth to “hold” the sauce (really, the micro bumps on good pasta make a huge difference in texture) and the fast drying process changes the structure of the starches and the pasta is less resistant and will break easily and not stay “al dente”

    8. When the pasta is al dente, even a bit too al dente, take a little cupful of water out of the pot and set aside. Drain the pasta. DO NOT RINSE. Dump the pasta back in the pot and add the sauce. If your pasta is still too al dente, like it should be, and the sauce is fairly liquidy, turn up the heat and let it cook in the sauce so that the pasta absorbs some of the sauce. If the sauce is a bit dry, add some of the cooking water. This gives it a nice flavor. If you don’t have time, cook the pasta until it is al dente or however you like it and add the sauce, mix it up and it’s ready to eat!

    9. Serve with chopped parsley served on top.

  • Okay, you didn’t hear this from me, and if you see an angry southern woman coming at you with a chef’s knife, you run. But here it is, the ridiculously simple and twice as tasty Mimi’s Mama’s Buttermilk Pie:

    1 stick butter (room temperature)
    1 & 2/3 cups sugar
    4 tblsp. flour
    2 eggs
    1 tblsp. lemon extract (Note: Extract, not Juice!)
    1 cup buttermilk

    Preheat oven to 350.

    Mix sugar & flour. Cream with butter. Add eggs. Mix well. Add buttermilk and lemon extract; mix.

    Pour in raw pie shell, bake for 1 hr.

    When you take it out, the pie should still be jiggly in the middle (it sets up post-baking) but puffy and brown on top.

    Yeah, you read that right. Pour it right into a raw pie shell. In fact, once you’ve molded the shell into the pie pan, stick it in the freezer a couple minutes, while you’re preparing the filling. I don’t know what weird mojo those southern folks are up to, but the crust turns out perfect every time.

  • My family has things we call “skate meals” – when you’re just too damned lazy to actually put together anything complex. Here are two of them:

    BRIDE’S CHICKEN (title comes from wherever we hijacked the recipe from. It’s been around at least 10 years)

    Serves: 2
    chicken breasts (4)
    Italian salad dressing, 1/2 cup
    dry French Onion soup mix, 1 pkg
    plum jam (apricot works in a pinch), 1/2 cup

    Mix salad dressing, dry soup mix, and jam in a bowl. Pour it over your chicken breasts and cook however you damn well please. I’ve done it in aluminum foil on a grill and baked in the oven. The flavour combination is strangely good. If you want to add more chicken, you can marginally increase the jam and dressing amounts, and add another packet of the soup mix.


    1 package sausage (whatever you want)
    2-3 bundles of leeks

    Heat a large sauce pan on medium on your stove. Break apart the raw sausage and put it in the pan to cook, stirring occasionally. Depending on your sausage, you may want to throw in 1tbsp olive oil or similar so nothing sticks. While it cooks, slice up the leeks. Add the leeks to the sausage, letting them cook down til they’re soft. Add salt, pepper or other spices to taste (usually I don’t add anything and just let the sausage flavours carry).

    Here is one non-skate-meal-but-probably-should-be side dish:

    Asparagus & Radish Salad from eatingwell.com


    * 1 bunch asparagus, (about 1 pound), trimmed
    * 2 tablespoons white vinegar
    * 1 tablespoon reduced-sodium soy sauce
    * 2 teaspoons canola oil
    * 1 teaspoon toasted sesame oil
    * 1/2 teaspoon grated fresh ginger
    * 2-3 dashes Asian red chile sauce, such as sriracha (optional)
    * 1 bunch radishes, trimmed and cut into wedges
    * 2 tablespoons finely chopped scallion


    1. Fill a medium bowl with ice water and place by the stove. Bring 1 inch of water to a boil in a large saucepan fitted with a steamer basket.
    2. Thinly slice asparagus stalks on the diagonal, leaving the tips whole. Place in the steamer basket and steam until tender-crisp, about 1 minute. Transfer the asparagus to the ice water. Drain.
    3. Combine vinegar, soy sauce, canola oil, sesame oil, ginger and chile sauce (if using) in a large bowl. Add the asparagus, radishes and scallion; toss to combine. Serve warm or room temperature.

    (This was part of dinner 2 nights ago, and I have since been whoring myself out for cheaper asparagus to make more).

  • Cereal.

    1 bowl
    1 spoon
    1 box of favorite cereal
    1 one gallon 2% milk (replace with Whole for richer taste)

    Pour an appropriate amount of cereal into bowl.
    Add enough milk pouring in a clockwise or counterclockwise manner to cover all the cereal.
    Eat with spoon.


  • I kid, I kid. Time for something serious I suppose.

    First, the gross: Crunchy Sweet Pickles.

    Buy one can of dill pickles then slice them into chunks (or spears if you prefer.) Next, take half a cup of crushed potato chips (I prefer the Baked Lays kind) and add half a tea spoon down the length of the pickle chunks. To make sweeter or for different tastes use flavored chips, though only the BBQ Mesquite ones seem to hold their taste. In the end you should have crunchy salty pickle balls that will make pregnant chicks love you. YES I do this once every few months or so.

    Real Recipe!
    Bran Flake Lemon Pepper Chicken
    I found this one after experimenting with my Mom’s recipe a bit and I’ve taken some liberties. If you can think of ways to improve it, we’d probably kiss you to death.

    6 skinless, boneless chicken breast halves
    1 1/2 cups bran flake cereal crumbs (We use Kellogs)
    1 1/2 tablespoons lemon juice
    1 tablespoon cracked black pepper
    1/4 teaspoon sea salt
    4 tablespoons margerine, melted

    Preheat oven to 425-250, dip chicken in butter and in a separate bowl mix incredients (save the flakes for last to try to preserve crunchiness) and dip. Place on sheet and bake in oven for 15-20 minutes or until the edges start to turn cinnamon brown.

    Make sure to occasionally turn the chicken while it roasts in the pan or else the grease will settle at the bottom and you get one side nice and crunchy and the other side a gooey mess.

    This recipe we’ve taken from my sister’s old dorm, My Mom’s alterations, and what we see online. I hope you enjoy!

  • Dr. Z’s Sweet Ribs

    Get a package of pork spare ribs
    salt and pepper them
    Put 1 20 oz bottle of Dr. Pepper into a crockpot
    Dump in 1 bottle of Sweet Baby Ray’s Honey Chipotle BBQ sauce
    Mix it up and throw in the ribs

    Leave it going all day and let those fuckers cook like they just entered the ninth circle.
    If you are short on time, brown the ribs before you condemn them to the Crock of Doom.

  • Two of my favorite lunch recipes, both generally curry-ish. Made ‘em up and I don’t measure when I cook, so, um, sorry.

    Lentils and Sweet Potatoes:

    Sweet potato
    Chicken broth
    Golden raisins
    Salt, pepper, cinnamon, curry powder

    Peel and chop a sweet potato into bite-size pieces. Toss into a pan and pour in about a half a pound of lentils and a handful or so of golden raisins. Cover with broth, season to taste. Simmer over medium-high heat for about 20 minutes or until the lentils are cooked through. Keep an eye on it and add more broth if it starts to dry out too much.

    Curried Couscous with Dates

    Some cooked and cold couscous
    Raw onion or scallions
    Butter beans (chick peas would also work)
    Coconut milk (light or otherwise)
    Slivered almonds (cashew would also be good)
    Some combination of: Curry, cinnamon, allspice, nutmeg, salt, pepper, chili flakes

    Finely chop dates and onions or scallions. (Kitchen shears work best for the dates on account of the sticky.) Throw into a big bowl with the couscous. If canned, drain and rinse the butter beans or chickpeas and then throw ‘em in. If fresh, you lucky bastard, throw ‘em in cooked and cold. Add spices to taste plus just a little coconut milk for moisture. Mix well. Serve topped with almonds.

  • Seafood Tortellini Pasta Salad

    Prepare tortellini according to directions on package, dump, and dump into a big mixing bowl.
    Add the following (to taste. I measure nothing.)
    Sliced cucumbers and tomatoes
    Chopped fresh basil, parsley, and garlic
    Cooked and chilled shrimp and crab meat
    Kalamata olives, halved
    Pepperocinis, sliced or whole
    Olive oil (extra virgin, unlike me) and freshly squeezed lemon juice (or Italian or Greek dressing)
    Top with either crumbled feta or blue cheese

    Toss it all together and chill. It’s quite refreshing on these hot and humid days. Enjoy!

  • Here’s a teensy peek into my bag o’tricks

    Corn Crab Chowder

    3 carrots, diced
    1-2 celery stalks, diced
    1 medium onion, diced
    3-4 slices turkey bacon
    2 bay leaves
    1 can no salt whole corn and liquid
    2 cans crab and liquid
    1 can diced green chilies
    1 can cream corn
    1/2 cup cream or half-n-half
    2 cans chicken broth
    1 cup skim milk
    5-6 tbs cornstarch
    1-2tbs Creole seasoning
    1-2 tbs Old Bay seasoning
    kosher salt
    a few splashes hot sauce (I like Frank’s)

    In a large soup pot (dutch oven) over medium heat, sweat carrots, celery, and onion with a goodly pinch of salt. Meanwhile, microwave the turkey bacon until crisp. When vegetables have softened, and onion is translucent, add bay leaves and can of corn. Cook until fragrant. Dump in crab, chilies, creamed corn, chicken broth, and cream. Stir in seasonings and heat through (do not boil). Meanwhile, thoroughly mix milk and cornstarch. When soup is hot, add slurry. Adjust seasoning as necessary and heat until thickened. Serve with hot sauce and crusty bread

    French Butter Radish Tea Sandwich

    Take 1 slice GOOD crusty bread (Baguette, rustic, or Pumpernickel all good), judiciously coat it with good, fresh (preferably European or Amish) butter. Place paper-thin slices of fresh (hopefully local grown) radishes (daikon is goo too). Sprinkle with Kosher or sea salt and give a lovely dash of fresh cracked pepper. Eat while making dinner.

    Gül Şerbeti
    4 fresh red or pink rose petals (organic only)
    3-4 Tbs sugar (or to taste)
    1c water
    1tsp lemon juice (fresh is best)
    Macerate rose petals with sugar, add water and stir until sugar is completely dissolved. Steep overnight in fridge. Strain, and mix in lemon juice to liquid before serving.

    Feel free to multiply it to make larger quantities.

    Stooopid Easy Apple Frangipane Tart

    1 Pepperidge Farm Puff Pastry
    1 can Solo Almond Pastry Filling
    2 medium Golden Delicious Apples
    1-2 tbs Apple Jelly + 1 tsp water

    Thaw and carefully unroll/unfold puff pastry. Place parchment paper on a cookie sheet. Butter a rectangle a little bigger than the size of your unrolled puff pastry, then place puff pastry on rectangle. take a fork and dock the interior of the puff pastry leaving a 1″ perimeter. Smear on the entire can of Almond Filling. Slice the apples wafer-thin and decoratively (circularly, diagonally, whatever) cover all of the almond filling with them. Brush on melted butter and bake in a 400 oven or 35 minutes. Upon removal, lavishly brush on apple jelly mixed with water, and let cool. Eat plain, or with French vanilla ice cream

  • The Bacon and Mashed Potato Sammich

    Get hoagie buns and toast them. (Toasting is very key both for flavor and structural integrity)
    Cook bacon (I get the pre-baked bacon but scratch bacon is fine too.)
    Put bacon strips on both sides of the hoagie bun. (If you have a toaster oven or a salamander in your kitchen, you can toast and do the bacon at the same time.)
    Make Mashed Potatos (Again, i use the instant mash but scratch mash is fine too.)
    Slather on the mashed potatos,
    add salt and pepper to taste.

  • Thanks for the link! I just picked the plums from our tree today, and I was going to make preserves since there aren’t many.

    I’m trying this instead.

    Plum Clafouti


    Prep Time: 10 Minutes Ready In: 1 Hour 10 Minutes

    Submitted By: GibsonsGirl Cook Time: 1 Hour Servings: 8


    6 tablespoons white sugar, divided
    14 Italian prune plums, halved and pitted

    3 eggs
    1 1/3 cups milk
    2/3 cup all-purpose flour
    1 1/2 teaspoons grated lemon zest
    2 teaspoons vanilla
    1 pinch salt
    1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon

    2 tablespoons confectioners’ sugar

    1. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C). Butter a 10 inch pie plate, and sprinkle 1 tablespoon of sugar over the bottom.
    2. Arrange the plum halves, cut side down, so that they cover the entire bottom of the pie plate. Sprinkle 2 tablespoons of sugar over the top of the plums. In a blender, combine the remaining 3 tablespoons of sugar, eggs, milk, flour, lemon zest, cinnamon, vanilla, and salt. Process until smooth, about 2 minutes. Pour over the fruit in the pan.
    3. Bake for 50 to 60 minutes in the preheated oven, or until firm and lightly browned. Let stand 5 minutes before slicing. Dust with confectioners’ sugar before serving.

  • There are times when substitutions work, and then there are times when you want the kitchen sink. I’ll take all of the above, please.

    • I’m not opposed to the kitchen sink. Galangal, though, I’ve never seen in any local store, and the one Asian market is so hard and annoying to get to, it’s not worth it for a meal when ginger handles the flavor admirably. Further, lemongrass is great in soups and curries — but in a food processed, raw concoction? I don’t want to be chewing fiddly bits of lemongrass. It’s like little sharp pieces of paper if you cut it. I use it more like bay leaves. First you bruise the shit out of it, and drop it into a soup. That’s not so good in a faux-pesto prep.

      – c.

  • Here’s what I made tonight:


    1 teaspoon salt
    1 1/2 teaspoons chili powder
    1 1/2 teaspoons onion powder
    2 teaspoons garlic powder
    4 whole boneless skinless chicken breasts
    1/4 cup butter, divided
    1/2 cup heavy cream
    1Combine the seasonings and coat chicken breasts.
    2In large saute pan melt half of the butter and cook chicken over medium heat for about 7 to 8 minutes, turning once.
    3Pour the cream into the skillet and lower the heat.
    4Simmer for several minutes, stirring until the sauce thickens then add the remaining butter.
    5When butter is melted place chicken breasts on four plates and top with the sauce.

  • Take a shotgun and go out into the wilds and shoot a duck, Gadwall or Mallard, preferably. Congratulate yourself for your aim. We’ve got beaucoup ducks in Arkansas so, if I ever have a hankering in off season, I just check the freezer or call one of my friends.

    Breast the duck. Wash breasts. If you don’t like the “gamey” duck flavour, you’re an idiot. But if you are an idiot, you can soak breasts in buttermilk. I don’t, but it will do fancy acidic things to the meat.

    In a bowl, take a hunk of cream cheese. Chop scallions (or rosemary, or sage, or any herb you like) and diced onions or scallions. Once I took some smoked oysters and blended it in. That didn’t work very well, so don’t do that.

    Butterfly your duck breasts. Place a heaping spoonful of the cream cheese mixture in the middle of the breast. Wrap each breast in enough bacon to cover the meat and spear with wooden toothpicks. Dust with spices, depending on mood and level of bloatedness, I’ll either dust with Nature’s Seasoning or Cavender’s. The former is all natural and the latter is chock full of MSGs. Mmmm. MSGs..

    Grill until the bacon is blackened. Some folks peel the bacon off and serve. I don’t, usually. Serve on wild rice.

    • @JHJ:

      Fuck yes. Duck is the best thing ever.

      I’ve never shot a duck.

      Geese, yes. Pheasant. Chukar. Crow. Etc.

      No ducks, though.

      Duck is goddamn phenomenal. My favorite bird to eat. That layer of fat that keeps the bird afloat is the best.

      – c.

  • Here’s one that’s stupid simple: Take a big old piece of pork shoulder, call it 3lb. Trim it. Cut into, oh, 2″ cubes. Sear the sides if you like. Then dump them in the slow cooker with a whole bottle of liquid smoke. Maybe some salt. Let it cook all day. Don’t touch it.

    When you can’t take it anymore, spoon it out with a slotted spoon, tear it to shreds with a fork.

    What you have there is a canvas. A nice canvas, sure, the kind of thing you could hang all by itself in one of them avant-gardee shacks and snooty people will say it’s “deep”. But a canvas nonetheless, on which you can dump your favorite BBQ sauce. Or hoisin sauce. Or put it on a taco. (Yes, I’m officially abandoning the metaphor) Or stir into chili. Or you can back up and mix in your favorite spice rub, or some cider vinegar or Chinese 5-spice or onions or anything your little heart desires.

  • Mixxed up Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches

    My dad used to make these. He has since died. Now you feel guilty and have to try these.

    Mix equal parts peanut butter and grape JAM (yes there is a difference, jam is better, it has an easier-to-work-with consistency, BUY IT)

    Put this on bread


    Mixing the ingredients give this a totally diferent taste/feel than a regular PB&J

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