Yesterday was all, “Rage! Fury! Tarballs! Tarballs!”
Today is all, “Mmm. Recipes.”
First a question. Then, a recipe.
See, it’s Saturday. And Saturdays are notoriously slow around these parts, so that makes them good days to punt the ball into your predefined playsphere. Meaning, I ask you something. And you answer me, because you love me. Because you’re a gaggle of sycophants. Oh, not because it’s in your nature. It’s because I’ve drugged your Internet connection. Your routers and modems now emit a calming mist. And by “calming mist,” I mean to say, “Rufie fog.” It’s nice, isn’t it? You can just sit there. Eyes droopy. Half-lidded. And I can tell you, “You love the Wendigo. You love the bearded Wendigo,” and you’re all like, “Muhguhnuhbrubduhbluh. Luh. Luh thuh Wehdeeguh. Beard. Beeaaaard. Buh.”
So, today’s question, which is really more of a command statement:
Give me a recipe.
I need some new recipes. I have too many cookbooks and about a billion back issues of cooking magazines, and it’s getting hard to filter all that stuff out. I’d rather have targeted recipes from people I trust. Or, at least, people I happen to have Rufied into compliance.
So, get your little buttocks down there to comment lab, and cook up some food experiments for Daddy. I’ll take any recipe you care to share. And, in the meantime, feel free to bop on over to Miss Summerell’s food blog, “You’d Better Eat This.” It’s good stuff.
And now, a recipe. A little quid pro quo, Clarice.
Thai “Pesto,” Motherfuckers
I made this ass-slapping Thai pesto the other night. Er, “pesto,” I guess, because — y’know, I’m breaking rules with this dish. I had basil, and I was planning on making pesto, but then I was all like, “Damn, I really love the Thai flavors. The Bangkok deliciousness. I’m going to make some shit up.”
And make some shit up, I did.
So, get yourself a food processor. A good one. Don’t dick around with a lame food processor.
Don’t cut open your body with the blades. Those fackers are sharp.
Into the food processor, you’re going to put these things:
1 cup of basil leaves, fresh (Thai basil if you have it; I did not)
3/4 cup of ginger-glazed almonds (from Alton Brown)
4 cloves of garlic
1 TBsp ground ginger (or fresh, but I didn’t have fresh, so shut up)
A splash (unmeasured, but I’d say it’s about 1/2 TBsp) of Sriracha
A dash of salt
A squirt of honey (again, unmeasured, but probably 1/2 – 1 TBsp)
1 TBsp of almond butter (or peanut butter if you don’t have that)
The juice from two limes
[EDIT: 1 TBsp fish sauce]
Then, blend it.
While it’s choppity-chopping, time to pour in the oil. I went with:
3/4 cup dark or toasted sesame oil
Though you could probably go with some peanut oil, instead. Or walnut oil. Or tarballs from the Gulf Coast. See how I bring it back around? Somebody should be paying me for this.
And that’s it. That’s that. Thai Pesto, er, “Pesto,” motherfuckers. What do you do with this? Besides eat it with a spoon? (Okay, maybe not that.) I put it on chicken thighs (deboned), but y’know what I was thinking? Pizza. Damn yeah, pizza. See, in case you missed my Easy Bullshit Made-up Delicious Pizza recipe, you get yourself some good store-bought Garlic Naan (I buy Archer Farms brand from Target), and then put the oven to 400-425, then heap shit on that naan just like it’s pizza dough, baby. Sauce, cheese, pepperoni, fishbones, the still-flapping tongues of your enemies, whatever. I figure with this stuff, your sauce could be the Thai Pesto (er, “Pesto”). And then, y’know, whatever else on top. Maybe no cheese. Because all Asians fear cheese. /falsestereotype