Painting With Shotguns XXXV

Shotgun. Shells. Blow open your skull. Blah blah blah.

Snarghity-blarghity-boo.

Blammo.

Last Night, on Lost (Or, “How I Learned To Hate The Narrative”)

First, hey! Gonna be some light spoilers here. I’m not really interested in talking much about the actual mysteries answered, though, and am more interested in discussing how they did it, and why I’m not necessarily a fan.

Second, psst, I didn’t really hate the narrative. It’s just — this is the Internet. The word hate is so easy to type! And fun, too! Here, on the Internet, we’re all five-year-olds who say, “I hate you and I hope you die!” except we don’t have a collective mother to step in and say, “You don’t mean that.”

Okay, let’s get into it.

Last night’s episode was an hour-long reveal of the rise and fall of Jacob and the Man-In-Black (aka Not-Locke, UnLocke, Darth Locke, Esau, Smokey, Puffy, Titus Welliver).

We probably needed this story to be told. There exists a part of me that says, “But they could’ve remained mysterious in much the same way God or the characters in the Bible remain mysterious,” though I’m not sure that’d actually fly so high. If we’re to assume that the creators have planned this as a part of the Lost story from the beginning, it would feel a bit like dirty pool to not include this story somehow.

It’s the “somehow” that gets me.

Did the story need to be told like this?

It’s a myth, in a way, and so I almost wish it was treated like a myth. Would it have been too clumsy to have one of the characters actually tell the story during the show? On paper, that sounds like a terrible idea, and one unfit for the visual medium of television, but imagine the story framed through, say, Locke’s words. Terry O’Quinn’s a great goddamn actor, and I bet he could’ve pulled it off. Plus, him telling it would still leave the niggling question of: is he lying? Is he embellishing? Or omitting? Further, that story reflected through Darth Locke’s words would’ve had a nice emotional twist to it.

Did you see this week’s House? Or, do you remember the House the finale where our grumpy Snakes-on-a-Cane doctor has to reconstruct the bus crash? Both episodes play with the narrative and how we as the audience see it. It was an exercise in suspense-building and how you piece puzzles like that together, and an exercise I feel remains particularly effective.

I would’ve liked that, here. On Lost. Some tricky way of delivering the answers while still acknowledging the mystery — and perhaps still allowing us to visit with the “current” (quote marks totally necessary) timeline. What if Desmond, in his fall, was capable of crossing time and space and watching some of this Jacob slash Darth Locke slash Crone Mother thing unfold? Or, what if that story wasn’t like this at all, and was a story told painted on a cave wall somewhere so that we, the audience, are left to interpret its meaning?

It just felt a little… forthright, to me. A little overt. And this is not an obvious story, and a more subtle, artful hand might’ve turned this story into a more memorable episode rather than one that frustrated me in its telling. (I still liked the episode well enough and it still leaves me with enough questions.)

Der Wendighaus, v2.0: Time To Upgrade Our Murder Hole

That image above is the destruction of my childhood home, if you care. Yep. A 200+ year old house obliterated by some dude who owns a series of crappy bars. Replaced with an ugly modern monstrosity.

Good times.

Anyway. Hey! We’re in the market to buy a house.

I even think we found one we want. We’re going to see it again tonight. It was literally the first house we looked at online and in person. My wife started to panic: “We shouldn’t just jump into anything.” My response is that, hey, this isn’t a game. We don’t level up and do better the longer we play. This is “thread-the-needle” time. You see an opening, you aim for the goal.

But, who knows? The process is a long and weird one. Potentially.

So I ask: anybody got advice? We’ve done this once before, this house-buying debacle, and it was not necessarily a pleasant one. Of course, this most recent time we afforded an old-ass row home next to some, I dunno, meth cookers (i.e. our current Wendighaus). So, advice #1 needn’t be: “Don’t buy an old-ass row home next to some meth cookers,” because we already have that sagely nugget tucked in our pockets.

But, even having gone through it once already, it remains a mad and mysterious endeavor.

Taking advice, now.

Also, taking advice on selling a house, too, since that’ll be coming up next.

Do Not Judge A Facebook By Its Cover

Can I just say, goddamn I make a sexy lady.

And by “sexy” I mean, OH GOD THE FRANKENSTEIN TRANNY WITH THE SUNGLASSES IS TEARING OFF MY LEG AND BEATING ME IN THE EYES WITH MY OWN SPURTING LIMB AAAUUGHBRRBLGRBpppbbt — !

Anyway.

So, Facebook.

It’s kind of a dopey site, and I think my purpose there has gotten muddled. I do like that there exists a kind of instant “call-and-response” that you don’t necessarily get from other sites. What I don’t like is that I’ve so muddied my “friend pool” with people I don’t even know much less consider “an Internet buddy.”

Do you continue to use the Faceybooks? Whyfor? Should I wander over there more often? Seems the only time I find my way there for any length of time is when I’m half-drunk.

I’m tempted to either:

a) engage more

b) eject from Facebook entirely.

Comments? Questions? Prayer requests? Marriage proposals? Death threats?

You Got To Work It Work It

Some quickity work updates in 3… 2… 1…

Man, I still don’t know when Collapsus will get an international release online. I want to show it to you. Can’t yet, though. Soon, I hope? I haven’t heard a darn thing.

Also: did you know I’m doing some additional work on Danse Macabre? I am. Some extra word count and, oh! Hey. I’m throwing in some development time on it, too. Can’t say much, but I can say that hot damn, do I love me some vampires, and in particular, Vampire: The Requiem.

Our script is out the door, off to greener pastures. Wish it luck. More news incoming on that one as the days go on. Plus, the transmedia components have gotten some boosts lately. More on that as I can talk about it.

We hear more about the TV project soon, I think, but we heard early good word, so.

No news on the novel. It’s out there, the fumbling foal, just trying to find a teat.

Got my contracts for The Bones by the Gameplaywright boys. I’m honored as all heck to be a part of that book in a couple different ways and am in truly admirable company.

I hear whispers of “new work” on the horizon, too.

So, work continues.

Whatchoo got goin’ on, peeps?

How The Link Sausage Is Made

I’ll say no more than this: Dropbox is awesome, and if you’re not using it, you’re a kaka-poopoo-doody-head.

Earlier, I mentioned a “murder hole.” I can’t take credit for that. That comes from the brilliant John Hornor, who just schooled us all on how to do cool shit to pimp your book. He did an awesome interactive map for his novel (which is out for submission). Hell, it doesn’t just have one murder hole. It has “North Murder Hole” and “South Murder Hole.” I now envision a man from NMH and a woman from SMH and they want to get together but they cannot: a zombie-apocalypse version of Romeo and Juliet, spattered in forbidden love and drippy viscera.

Uber-producer Ted Hope would like to talk to you about the “38 Ways The Film Industry Is Failing.” Go, read. And ponder: how much of this can also be said about publishing?

Want to know what it’s like to freelance for a year? Jeff Tidball at Gameplaywright has your back. And a wolf at the door has his back, so. There’s that.

The Gravity of Mammon is up to… what? Chapter 10? Goddamn. I have some catch-up to do.

Why Subplot? This is why subplot.

Julie Summerell. Flash fiction. “Under the Carpet.” Go.

You best glaze these nuts, son.

And that’s all she wrote.

20 comments

  • Lugh

    May 12, 2010 at 8:39 AM // Reply

    Murder hole: Excellent term. I love murder holes. I consider them part of the proof that people in the middle ages were just as smart as us, they just hadn’t leveled up as much.

    For house-buying, I only have one bit of advice: listen to the home inspector. Oh, and check out the home inspector, too, and make sure he has a clue. Ignoring his advice can make your life in your new lair very unpleasant and very expensive. We made that mistake with our first house, assuming we could just get things fixed as we could afford it.

    Facebook. I don’t get it. I was a huge fan of LJ back in the day (before most of my friends abandoned it for various new shinies, and it got blocked at my new job). I’m currently a fan of Twitter. Facebook seems to occupy some middle ground in between there. It has all the convenience of LJ, and all the depth of Twitter. Which means it sucks.

    I also hate the fact it uses my real name. I like using online handles. It makes me l337 and shit.

    Still, I’ve got a bunch of friends over there. And, those people won’t come over to look at my blog. So, I set up a forward to send all my tweets to Facebook. At least that gives those people some idea what’s going on in my life. Facebook then sends me emails if someone responds to me. And, since I can now respond to those responses directly from the email, I pretty much never actually log into Facebook.

    I am vaguely curious as to what my bank account in Mafia Wars looks like now. I discovered that part of the trick to the game was to not log in for something like two months. You build up a nice bank account through your income, which means you’re no longer scrimping to buy level-appropriate gear and stuff. Given that it’s been something like six months since I logged in, I probably have close to a trillion dollars in there.

  • Eddy

    May 12, 2010 at 9:16 AM // Reply

    I use Facebook like a slightly more robust Twitter. I occasionally wander over there and block some application invites, and move on. The photo tagging and hosting is pretty good, but it’s never been a regular part of my routine. (Although, given that more of the video game industry is taking a look at it, I’ll probably be poking at it more frequently for research purposes.)

  • Rick Carroll

    May 12, 2010 at 9:37 AM // Reply

    On Lost: I don’t know, last night’s episode just didn’t grab me. Now that I know more about Jacob and Smocke, I am just not as thrilled with the characters. Yes, there is still some mystery there but – I don’t know. Like I tweeted with you this morning, it was just overdone and presented in an almost incidental and drawn out way. Not my favorite episode, by far – it really should have been done as part of a larger story in my opinion, not rooted like it was. Again, meh.

    I’ve never bought a house nor been part of that process; hopefully we’ll be able to at some point in the future. I look forward to you documenting the process, so we’ll know a little more of what to expect.

    Sorry, not much funny today. We’re getting ready for a social worker visit today, so we’re somewhat busy.

  • Heather Groves

    May 12, 2010 at 9:47 AM // Reply

    Definitely second the “paying attention to your home inspector”, and also to making sure he has a clue. We took the recommendation of a friend for our home inspector for our first house (1930s bungalow) and they guy totally overlooked termintes in the main beam (which was exposed if you walked into the basement). GRRR. You can also check state website to see if any pedophiles live in your neighborhood (registered ones, that is) in case you are planning on having children and that is a concern. I found it helpful to drive over to the house and park outside at different times during the day, especially at night since that bungalow was in a shaky area of town.

    You can also go to a website like “zillow” and see how much the house is currently valued at.

    For selling the house, I don’t have much. Maybe get a restager if you can afford it, take down personal photos and the like when showing the house since people don’t like to think of someone else living there, bake some cookies or bread before the open house (or before the house is being shown) to make people think “home”. I also found a welcome mat for the front door that said “HOME” which I hope played some subconscious role in getting it sold. I dunno what else.

    • terribleminds

      May 12, 2010 at 9:55 AM // Reply

      @Heather and Lugh — righto, got it. Inspector, good stuff. I could see us using the one we used last time, for this house, as I liked him quite a bit. Thanks!

      – c.

  • Josh

    May 12, 2010 at 9:53 AM // Reply

    Figures.

    The week we bid cable television adieu, everybody and their mom is asking me if I saw this week’s House. No. No, I haven’t yet, because Hulu’s at least a couple days behind the actual airwaves.

    Just my luck.

  • Piper Kissinger

    May 12, 2010 at 9:56 AM // Reply

    Just a teensy observation: why is the American Film Industry always “the Film Industry”. I read newspapers in Germany: “the German Film Industry”. I read the in Poland: “the Polish Film Industry”. While most of the problems on the list apply to the European market, I believe that we have our unique problems and solutions.

    It just doesn’t seem fair from a language standpoint.

    • terribleminds

      May 12, 2010 at 9:58 AM // Reply

      Could be that it’s an American article written by an American producer; consider the source, after all. Plus, the film industry here is fed off of financing and market-building world-wide, so it’s likely he applies those 38 problems to the global film industry.

      – c.

  • Tome Wilson

    May 12, 2010 at 10:01 AM // Reply

    When it comes to Facebook, I think of it like being friends with Paris Hilton. You know that she’s a repulsive whore, but she has influence and still gets invited to all of the parties, and she’s trying desperately to be your friend too for some reason.

    But, somewhere in your half aroused flagpole, you know you’re going to catch something when you hang out with her. It’s a nagging feeling, and you know what? You’re right. Facebook is a privacy nightmare.

    If you want to use it, you gotta be a pimp or a spy.

    If you’re a feather-cap wearing, hoopty drive, cane-beating sunofabitch, then turn that bitch out for all she’s worth. Gather friends like Pokemon, and use it to promote your business in an interesting way. The important part is, you can’t sample the merchandise. Keep it all business, and if people get tired of you, then let them turn away (if they can).

    If you really want yet another outlet for talking about LOL Cats and what you had for dinner last night in 800 characters or less, then sign up under a fake name with a fake email. Your real friends will understand, and you’ll leave less of a trail back to your real life. Using a combination of both works for me, and it’s how I survive in the YouTwitFace age.

    Don’t think that social networks are bad for privacy? They’ll have this shit perfected within the year.

    http://www.spokeo.com/search?q=Charles%20Wendig#:832837587
    http://www.spokeo.com/email/search?e=curious_spider%40yahoo.com

  • Joshua

    May 12, 2010 at 10:25 AM // Reply

    Hey man,

    Yeah, I don’t use FB too much anymore. Seems mostly pointless. That Spokeo stuff is crazy. (You can get yourself removed from that site by the way, somewhere on it). It’s just disturbing that there is that much stuff out there. I’m about ready to just leave it at the blog and say oh well to the rest of it.

    Dropbox is AWESOME. Been using it for a bit now and it has really saved me a lot of hassle of working between two different PCs. Thanks a ton man.

    Oh, here is how to remove yourself: http://www.spokeo.com/privacy

  • Michelle Stephens

    May 12, 2010 at 11:23 AM // Reply

    On houses: Make sure there’s a pantry in the kitchen. Sounds dumb, right? We bought our first house without noticing there was no pantry. Pyramid stacks of canned food on the counter aren’t “decor”.

    On FB: It’s become stale for me. I also have a lot of “friends” on there that I don’t know. Some of them post things I don’t agree with and there have been many times lately I wished for a “DO NOT LIKE” button. I’m not on there much anymore as a result. With Twitter I can put all the asshats in their own column.

    • terribleminds

      May 12, 2010 at 12:24 PM // Reply

      @Michelle:

      House definitely has a pantry. A good-sized one, too. This house we have now — yeah, oops, no pantry. Had to buy a stand-up “closet” pantry to go in there. Not great.

      – c.

  • Joshua

    May 12, 2010 at 1:24 PM // Reply

    haha, I didn’t think you were in your 60s. If I remember correctly, mine was fairly accurate. My wife and I took ours off, and I’ve chopped most of my info out of FB now.

  • Shawn

    May 12, 2010 at 5:53 PM // Reply

    Were it not for doing local DJ stuffs, I’d drop Facebook in a heartbeat. As you already have a presence on Twitter and this blog, I’d suggest ditching FB entirely before it gets even shittier.

  • Julie

    May 12, 2010 at 5:59 PM // Reply

    Can FB. Really. My life is much more stress free now that I’m there under my married name and have less than half as many friends.

    Plus, I only check it now about twice a week anyway.

    Facebook is the devil. And not the enticing kind.

  • Dawn

    May 12, 2010 at 8:46 PM // Reply

    I use Facebook to feel in touch with my family and friends (as I hate telephones), and to follow what my kids are doing (being the responsible parent). I also have a few gaming industry people on my list (like yourself). I do not do apps and have hidden all of them. Thankfully, my little circle of people are all intelligent and often have interesting links and thoughts to share.

    FB, like any social media, is what you make of it.

  • Daniel Elmaleh

    May 13, 2010 at 8:24 PM // Reply

    I am late to the party on advice here, but I thought I would chime in as I am a builder, realtor and otherwise construction business person.

    I did not read all the other comments but here is my advice:

    Buy a home you like. Make that buy a home you love (not in your sicko cool whip sex lube way). Seriously, I think the biggest mistake people make is buying the wrong home for the investment as opposed to a home you would love to live in with your family, dog or pet rock. Those are sad people. I’m not saying overpay or ignore the investment aspect of it, but remember it’s called a home for a reason. Want an investment? Buy a run down home, fix it up, rent it out and pull your hair out like I did (though my hair is to short to pull out). Either that or buy BP. Yes, I said BP. It trades at a steep discount to it’s peers, has been beaten down and yields 7%; try getting that from your local S&L. Want a home, buy a house.

    Other than that, I saw something above about home inspectors — threre are a wide array of these people and some wouldn’t know code if they were reading from a code book and some are just savants in their field.

    My other advice — the right home is like porn. You know it when you see it.