Painting With Shotguns XXX

Awww, look at that. Painting With Shotguns has been around for, what, 30 weeks now? That’s insane. It also affords me the one chance to have an “XXX” as a Roman numeral, which is both enlivening and saddening. Enlivening because — XXX! It’s like porn! Super-sized! With Secret Agent Vin Diesel! Saddening because, well, I just don’t think this post is going to live up to the hype. I feel like I should have naked pictures. Except, you damn sure don’t want me naked. That is an unkindness for which the Internet is woefully unprepared. Further, if I put naked posts up here of other people, that just seems rude.

So, I’ll just say:

You want arty porn pictures?

This Tumblelog has what you want.

Triple-X, but with style.

Now, time to ‘asplode your thought-guts with my blog-gun.

iPad, uPad, We All Eat Pad Thai On Our Lily Pads

The reeds, they whisper

The tribesman of the Nerd Clans

Creep to slit geek throats.

Or something.

So, the iPad released, and moderate voices are lost in the static, a static comprising the white noise of Fanged Hate and Toothless Adoration coming together to form one meaningless burst of sound.

Holy shit, nerds. Fucking relax, will you? I said it before, but it bears repeating: the iPad will neither save your life, nor will it end it. It is not God. It is not the Devil. It will not defeat global warming, and it does not abort babies. (This is your cue to say, “But there’s an app for that!”)

I’ll admit that Apple was definitely baiting the crowd to riot when they released the device on Easter Weekend. Roll back the rock, and the Glory Of Our Resurrected Steve emerges holding two tablets above his head, glowing lambent in the early morning light, but c’mon. That’s how Apple rolls.

The love and hype for the device is insane, though arguably more palatable than the needless hate, if only because “sycophancy and love” is a warmer, more pleasant sensation than “Internet rage.” I’d rather ease into a bubbling spa than jump into a cold tin wash-tub filled with those little biting fish that swim up your urethra and lodge themselves angrily in your tinkle-tract.

I’ll take issue with two posts out there re: the iPad, and these posts are geared more toward skepticism. Mind you, I do not possess an iPad. I do not intend to possess one right now, because the next generation will be far cooler than this generation.

First up: Is the iPad a step backwards?

Does it move us toward a place where we are passive audience members instead of active creators? Jeff Jarvis thinks so. Me? I think that’s a little overwrought. Isn’t it? First, most people aren’t creators. That’s not new, by the way. This isn’t a device meant to cater to an audience of creators. Why would it be? Its presence fails to invalidate the devices that do cater to creators. (And while I’ve not used it, the iPad has creative tools that can come with it.) Second, “it’s built on apps!” Oh noes! You mean like how… computers are built on software? How does the iPad stifle creativity, exactly? What does it do that differently from computers? Apps = software. Internet = Internet. I’m just not getting the problem. You want to create? So do I. I’m doing it right now. On this PC. And I still want an iPad eventually. (Further annoyance: the image on that post, with the bleating sheep. Yes, yes, I get it, you think the people that buy iPads are all sheep. Good for you. What a cocky, holier-than-thou attitude. When we buy a product he doesn’t like, we’re sheep. But when we buy a product he likes, we’re probably revolutionaries or something.)

Further, did you know that Cory Doctorow won’t buy an iPad, and thinks you shouldn’t, either? Interesting ideas, but again, more overly dramatic naysaying. Hackable devices are great, except you’re courting… what, an audience of less than five, ten percent? Comic books are only cool because… of sharing them? Really? You know what I have? Boxes of comics. Boxes of comics I don’t really want anymore, because they’re just big bricks of nothing. And they’re not worth a whole lot, either. They lurk in my attic. They can’t go anywhere with me. But you tell me I can load comics on an iPad? Carry them around? Download a new one fast and easy on-the-fly? I’m into that. Sorry, I am. Once more, here’s a guy who acts like we’re coming off this great free revolution of hackable, mind-blowing devices — we’re not. And I don’t know that I want every device to be that way, either. I want my blender to be a blender. I want my car to drive without me having to keep dicking with it. Hackable ain’t bad. Options aren’t bad. But not everything needs to be some creative creator-controlled Wild West no-law-but-the-wind device, y’know?

The biggest thing about all that is how there exists this faintly haughty dismissal of anybody who would buy an iPad. I dismissed Apple as a “half-a-dick” brand once. I was 18 at the time, and basically a total dipshit. Now? Do what you want. Like what you like. Why do people have to be made to feel like douchebags because they like something or want something? Dear Guy On The Internet: because you don’t want to buy an iPad doesn’t make you a revolutionary.

Do I think the iPad is some awesome device? No. Of course not. It’s just a device.

So treat it that way.

(This article, at DBW, gets it, in my mind.)

These Streets Will Make You Feel Brand New

Only as an adult do I now see the allure of New York City. Seriously.

Whenever I went there as a kid — or even a post-teenager — I always found it brash and loud. And it smelled like hot garbage. And rat urine.

See, I’m totally a country mouse. I grew up on a farm. We raised all kinds of fucking weird-ass animals: whitetail deer, masturbating elk, peacocks, pheasants, whatever. I’m also not what you would call a “people person.” (Not surprising to anybody who I’ve snapped at over the years. Sorry! I’m a jerkhole. I try not to be. I’ll do better.)

“Country mouse” + “Doesn’t like people” = “Stay away from the city, dumbass.”

Some cities, I don’t like.

But over time, I’ve grown more and more fond of cities. Boston, I love. San Francisco is maybe my favorite city, with London and Dublin coming up close behind. Philly’s a cess-pit. Los Angeles is a mind-numbing yet oddly-appealing sprawl.

Now, New York.

Last couple times I’ve been there, I really liked it. It feels alive, vibrant, forever in every direction — up, down, NSEW. Action. Motion. Occurrence. Arterial.

You know what really sells it? The restaurants. They are everywhere. You live where we live, it’s not like we’re out in the middle of God’s Country East Bumblefuck North Jesus Nowheresburg, but you want to find a restaurant, you might be up for a drive. In NYC, we tried to hit one restaurant, found it closed, and then looked around our immediate surroundings for another place to eat.

One short block in NYC has more restaurants, I think, than the whole town in which I live. That’s insane. And the smells! Not hot garbage or rat urine, not near the restaurants. No, it’s curry, garlic, the smell of meat, the smell of a million gastronomic possibilities.

Would I want to live in the city?

Oh, fuck. No. Lawds, no. I’d eat a bullet if I had to live in the city. Even now, we’re in a row home smashed up against one neighbor, and that’s too close. I want borders. Boundaries. A fence. Some dogs. Turrets. Trenches. A moat. A helicopter pad. Barbed wire. I want as many acres between me and the rest of the world as I can manage.

But, I wouldn’t mind if those acres were close to, say, I-78, so when I want an exile from my exile I can bop on up to the city and eat some killer food.

Welcome To The Game Of Inches

Just a small tip for writers:

Don’t expect overnight success.

I’ve said this a million times and I’ll say it a billion more:

It is a game of inches.

You are ascending a mountain. It is slow. It is arduous.

Writing is not a romantic career. Nor is it particularly easy. Every gain is a small one. Yes, some writers take off like a rocket, but most don’t. Most eke it out. Most crawl. Most ascend very slowly toward the light.

Sometimes, you lose inches, too. It happens. At least it’s not a long fall.

It’s nice to move forward. All projects of mine continue to creep ahead. I long for one or all of them to get to the plateau, but even still, I have to remind myself from time to time, “The game of inches continues.”

Congrats, by the way, to Rick Carroll, who mentioned terribleminds on this Writers Digest blog and won himself some cool prizes and potential opportunities. Ricky-ticky-tok, welcome to the game of inches, and thanks for mentioning us over yonder!

The Lynx Says, “You Should Read These Awesome Stories Or I Will Shit Lynx Pellets In Your Stupid Goddamn Human Mouth”

Today’s links are pretty straightforward: they’re all great stories online you should endeavor to read.

First up, a story I totally fucking adore. Great title, great premise, great follow-through. “Crazy Larry Smells Bacon,” by Greg Barsley. At Plots With Guns.

Second, Hilary Davidson continues to amaze me. This story, “Fetish,” is a great noir example of show, don’t tell. Some writers cannot help but explain and waffle, but her?

No, sir.

Also great with the “show, don’t tell?” Steve Weddle’s “The Winner.”

Maggie Carroll takes inspiration from this very ‘column’ and gives us “Painting With Shotguns.”

Jim Hanas gives us a great short story collection (ebook): “Cassingle.”

Did you see that I have short stories (free!) here on the site? Totally Free Shit, yo. Five stories. Zombies. Monkeys. Aliens. Cats. And Giant Motherfucking Chickens. Spread the love if you likey-likey.

Finally, not exactly a story, but man, I gotta say: DUDES OF LEGEND demands your sixty-nine cents. Mrowl! Plus, The Aforementioned Rick Carroll did up a flash fiction bit based off of DoL: “Dial B For Badass!” Go. Click all the underliney bits. Do so, or the lynx will… well. You heard him.

33 comments

  • You write it regularly under the same heading mumblemumble it’s a column mumble…

    I too would eat a bullet before I lived in NYC, but I love Manhattan. And you’re right about the restaurants: they’re bloody everywhere. In the single full day I’ve spent in the Big Apple, I must have sampled eight different restaurants (because the people I was with all wanted to eat different places, so we went appetizer-hopping). I was more a fan of the little places than the Big Name Establishments. I’ve been to DC. I’ve been to New York. I’ve lived in Albuquerque and Orlando. The food wasn’t always better, but the service and atmosphere usually was. I like cities, but I think ones the size of my hometown (about 200k citizens, maybe 250 tops) are about as big as I want to get these days. All the attractions and conveniences of big-city living at a fraction of the population. It’s awesome.

    Rick wants an iPad. He pouts and whimpers like a little bitch every time we see a commercial for one on TV. But everything I’d use it for? Yeah. I can buy a used laptop and a new iPod Touch for the price an iPad’s gonna run me. I don’t really hate it; I actually think it’d be kinda cool to have one. But I’m not going to froth or salivate over it one way or the other. I guess I fall into that mythic “meh” camp you were talking about?

    Also, thanks for the link pimpage, hoss. I’m glad you liked it. :)

  • There is nothing quite like waking up to boobs. And this time, I mean actual breasts! (waka waka waka) I unashamedly want an iPad, but I also know there isn’t a Snoball’s chance in a fat lady’s mouth of getting one. We have some money coming in so we could afford it, but doing so would be completely irresponsible – and that is something we can’t afford. The thing that just continues to make me unsure on the iPad is the lack of multitasking. That hasn’t been an issue for so long, I’d never even think that would be one of the stumbling blocks. Especially from Apple!

    I love New York, and I always have. I will say that I may be the one person that couldn’t find anything open in Manhattan at four in the morning… I was nowhere near 5th though. I did have to go looking. Like all things though, if you have the Green Jesus of Trade, NYC is very safe and very nice. If you fall among the have nots, then probably not the best place in the world.

    And thanks :) Time to click some lynx.

  • Ipad? IPAD??? PAUL SMASH!!!!

    The Ipad makes me angry because it spits in the face of the consumer while screaming “You’ll buy me because Steve Jobs motherfucking said so!”. I’ve now had the chance to get my hands on one and play with it. It’s a big Iphone…for real. Oh wait no, the Iphone has a camera…and a phone…and the apps are cheaper.

    Here’s a quick list of the pro’s and cons:

    Pro:
    * It’s a big fucking Iphone.
    Cons:
    * It doesn’t have a phone, camera, or USB ports.
    * Everything still has to sync through Itunes
    * It’s curved on the back. If you lay it flat on a hard surface, it moves around wildly when you touch it.
    * The keyboard is horrible and odd to type on
    * NO MULTITASKING!!!!!!
    * No FLASH support.
    * You can only watch movies on it that you bought from Itunes

    The list goes on.

    I hate Apple for this. They dropped a hot load of corporate spooge right on our faces and told us to like it. The argument that it’s made for casual users is stupid. Casual users want to do more than one thing at a time…or use web sites that have Flash.

    The uniqueness of this device isn’t in what it can do…but in what it won’t let you do. It had the chance to be a great device and revolutionize the way we use devices. Instead Apple went for the quick bucks.

    • Paul:

      Your anger is like sweet milk.

      Okay, but I gotta ask, are you actually angry about it? Or just faux-Internet angry?

      If it’s real anger, then… why? Do you get mad at all products you consider inferior or not worth the money? I buy products and I often come across wildly overpriced or overvalued products. They don’t make me angry. They just make me, y’know, not buy them.

      Further, if people enjoy their iPads and are having a good experience with them, what does that make them, other than different from you and your opinions? Different is good. Everybody’s different. (Also: everybody poops. It’s true! I read it on CNN.) But does it make them inferior? Or stupid? Or dupes?

      — c.

  • Of course it’s internet rage. I have much more important things to be angry about (Tea-baggers, wasps, the mother fucking pterodactyl).

    Please, Chuck, stop making it seem like my opinion isn’t more important than everyone else’s. It is, dammit. I have the internet to prove it. People who enjoy the Ipad are, indeed, a bunch of rubes. These are the people that the aliens will overlook when they come to cross-breed with us in order to take over the planet. LOOK TIN FOIL!!!! SHINY!!!

    In all seriousness, if you enjoy it, good for you! To me it’s like religion: I don’t believe in your God…but if he makes you happy, then who the hell am I to try and dissuade you from believing in him.

    Also, my hate ramblings are prime examples of the John Gabriel’s Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory. (http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2004/03/19/)

    • :D

      Your opinions *are* more important. It’s why the assassins remain hiding in your bushes. As long as you continue to amuse us with these opinions, their fingers will stall on the triggers of their weapons.

      No, then, it’s all good. Some people seem *genuinely* upset about the iPad though, like it’s some kind of Product Virus that will eat other better products by dint of its aggressive pandemic spread.

      — c.

      • Oh, and to a degree, I get the complaint that, “It’s just a big iPhone!”

        Alternately, that sometimes feels like someone saying re: a laptop, “It’s just a small desktop!”

        Me, I kind of *want* a bigger iPhone.

        My iPhone’s screen is too small.

        Big-screen iPhone? I kind of want that. I love my iPhone. If it could be, say, as big as my wall, I’d install the shit out of that.

        — c.

  • Always happy to see another PWS.

    Maybe it’s because I don’t actually live in the city proper, but I kinda like Philly. That is to say, I like Center City, South Street, the museums and eateries and little shops and a couple of the music venues. The outlaying regions with the murder and whatnot, I can do without.

    About writing – you nailed it in calling it a mountain climb. And it’s not just one mountain climb either. Once you ascend one rock face, it’s time to chalk up the hands and start up another one. Getting one work published is a mountain in a series of mountains. It takes patience and it can get really, really tiresome at times.

    But in the end, it’s worth it. Not everybody’s a creator, it’s true. But I’d like to think writers are.

  • My name is Bill and I … I … Oh, God, it’s so hard to admit. Here goes… I have an iPad. There. I said it. Admitting it is the first step, right? Right?

    I really loved it and it did just what I wanted it to. I could sit on my porch on a sunny day and surf the Internet by swiping the screen. Whee. But then… then I read the Internet. And it told me I was wrong. My love was forbidden. Shameful. I was guilty. Guilty of robbing the next generation of their creative rights. By supporting this jack-booted tablet, I was ensuring that nobody would ever again create anything.

    Oh, the weight of it all! Do I repent and buy an Altair and start using punchcards, in the wan hope that kids will emulate me?

    Hell no.

    I got an iPad, suckerz! And I friggin’ luv it!

    I can read comics on it — and I don’t care if I can’t sell them on the back issue market for paltrey pennies when I’m done reading them. And guess what? I’m not sharing ‘em! Hell, when I was reading the Claremont-Byrne X-Men run way back in the day (I’m oooold), I didn’t share them, either! The one time I shared comics, by trading with this Russian kid in third grade, he wanted his comic back the next day. Damn Indian Giver. That it was the issue of The Hulk with the first appearance of Wolverine (teamed up against Chuck Wendigo) has only burned the lesson into my skull indelibly: don’t share comics. You might not get them back. So screw you, Cory.

    Seriously, though, the iPad is just a useful device. If you got a laptop and you like it, great. You don’t need to trade it out. Me, I don’t have a laptop (well, not one that runs well — it’s 6 years old), so I rather enjoy having the Internet at my fingertips away from a desk.

    One problem, though: Man, does my iPhone look tiny now. Like it was miniaturized by Hank Pym.

  • I can’t say I hate the iPad. I think it’s silly. But in a practical sense, I think it does negative things for consumers.

    I think the manufactured hype is unfair. Major news sources have the iPad as a headline feature. It overtakes things like major reform bills, massive deaths due to gross incompetence, and natural disasters. You can’t buy that kind of advertising. Why does it make news? There’s absolutely nothing it can do that other pieces of technology cannot, better, and often cheaper. Why is this the big game changer?

    The fact is, Steve Jobs’s technology does well to maintain higher prices for consumer electronics. If I can find a really good orange for .49 cents, but someone’s willing to buy a mediocre orange for .99, I’m going to be less and less able to buy my great oranges for .49. The vendor might raise it to .79. He might cut some features. If people are willing to pay more for less, it damages the market for everyone.

    Also, Doctorow’s point on how Apple fans have terrible opinions of their mothers is saddening and true. My mother is all but computer illiterate, and has no problem with Ubuntu.

    • @David:

      Yes, but what you say sounds like you’re offering objective truth rather than subjective opinion on the iPad. Because you believe it to be the “mediocre orange” doesn’t make it objectively so. For iPad owners who are happy with it, it’s a perfectly excellent orange.

      Further, the iPad is cheaper than some other tablets present and future. If someone can really do it better, than they should do it better and more cheaply.

      You’re blaming the iPad and Apple for harming consumers, but that doesn’t make sense. If someone comes out with a better, cheaper tablet — a game changer — and people don’t buy it, it’s either because:

      a) That product isn’t really better or cheaper on every axis

      or

      b) The consumer is a dipshit.

      If it’s “b,” then Apple isn’t harming consumers. Consumers are harming consumers.

      If it’s “a” — and, by the way, it basically *is* “a” — then it’s simply the fact that you prefer different shit from other people. Why can’t it just be that easy? Why isn’t it *okay* for you to not want to buy an iPad, for Bill and Rob to want to buy iPads, and for me to want to buy an iPad somewhere down the line? Why does that fragmentation of opinion and choice bother people? Apple is hurting consumers because… it’s offering them a choice they plainly want? Seriously?

      This “geek war” and “nerd tribe” shit needs to stop. It’s okay to self-identify. It’s not okay to self-identify at the expense of others’ declared identities.

      — c.

      • Let me throw another (related) element into the mix.

        iPhone versus Android.

        I think the Android is just fine and it does a lot of awesome stuff that the iPhone doesn’t.

        I have an iPhone, and it does a lot of awesome stuff that the Android doesn’t.

        I’ve chosen the iPhone.

        I love it. I mean, I really love it. It’s an elegant piece of technology both in design and function. It has its irritations, but people act like that’s exclusive to the device. On record, my iPhone works with less interruption and problem than either my desktop or my laptop. My wife also loves hers. I had a Windows Mobile phone before this, and it did less than 5% of what I can accomplish with the iPhone. In fact, I can accomplish a lot with the phone that I cannot accomplish with either of my two fully robust computers. It has become part of my productivity and functionality — I even create on it. Photos. Mindmaps (I’ve outlined three novels on it). Music. Art.

        I don’t hate the Android. I see why people own it.

        The marketplace gladly has room for both.

        iPhone, Android. Mac, PC. Windows, Ubuntu, OSX, netbooks, laptops, desktops. iPad, Google tablet, HP Slate, etc.

        They all live together happily.

        So. Where’s the problem?

        How are consumers harmed? How do they harm themselves?

        — c.

  • The fish that swims up your urethra is the candiru and, according to travel writer Redmond O’Hanlon, it doesn’t actually swim up your urethra. Sorry, Charlie.

    -G.

  • All this is moot though for one simple reason:

    The Ipad has the best screen you can browse the internet with one handed (and it’s virus-resistant). That is to say, it is the perfect porn delivery device.

    You can’t stop the porn.

    -Rob D.

  • There was another mini nerd war at work over the iPad. Here’s a paraphrase of my response:

    I’m not that hardcore of an Apple fan – I have a Win7 netbook and Vista laptop at home, an iPhone in my pocket, an iPod in my bag, and a Linux machine for our home entertainment system – because I believe that individual products suit individual needs better than blind brand loyalty. I don’t mind that people don’t like the iPad (I don’t have one yet, so I can’t say whether it’s useful for my needs or not).

    But if people are going to be mindless rabid against something and keep bringing it up over and over and over again, all I ask is that they change it up a bit and be more entertaining about it.

    • @Eddy:

      Word. Guy who rubs feces all over himself and then runs through a plate glass window to protest the iPad? I’m listening. I’m not agreeing, but hey, I’ll say silent during your performance art, Dude Who Smells Like Shit And Blood.

      I am also not a “fan” of Apple. Don’t own a Mac. Own two Dell products. Used to work for Gateway, before they started to suck. For we crazy kids here at Der Wendighaus, it’s always about the right product rather than the right brand.

      Besides, if Apple had some kind of market dominance, or dominance over its “sheep,” AppleTV would be in all our homes. As it stands, I don’t think I know anybody who possesses AppleTV.

      — c.

  • I don’t get the hate. People don’t wanna buy it, don’t buy it. Don’t tell me I’m an idiot because I can see a use for it, though. I don’t see how a $500 touch tablet is robbing the customer or setting us up for future robbery. Does the iPad have some issues. Fuck yes and so do I, but the wife still finds me useful.

    Backlash against the hype is expected. Blaming the iPad for taking up news time that could be spent on more important issues is silly. Have you been watching the news? I mean, really? I will summarize. Murder. Murder. Bombing. Political Dickery. Water skiing squirrel. If news about the iPad replaces one of the murder reports, I’m OK with that.

  • Let me try and offer a little insight on why the IT guys hate the Ipad. Understand that we’re not Apple haters…or Windows fanbois…or whatever.

    We’ve watched technology make amazing leaps and bounds over the years. We’ve watched computers get smaller, faster, and easier to use.

    This product takes a giant leap backwards from a technological standpoint…and costs just as much as a netbook that can do everything that it does…and much, much, more. We hate that Apple is pushing a product that sets a very low bar for technology and prices it at a very high bar. In reality, compared to the other products on the market…this thing should be no more expensive than the IPhone. $199 is what I would pay for it.

    When you think about it compared to the IPhone, you’re getting less overall bang for your buck. There’s no camera, no phone, just a bigger screen and a faster processor. That screen maybe costs apple 6c more per screen than the one used in the IPhone. From our standpoint, Steve Jobs is a snake oil salesman. He’s barking to a crowd that doesn’t know any better and putting the Apple logo on it to validate it’s very existence.

    I’m very glad that the thing does what you want it to do. If it’s worth the money you paid in your mind, fantastic. Just know that IT people know that you’re getting ripped of…and ripped off BIG.

    Here’s an example: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00322PYYK?tag=newcelpho-20&camp=211189&creative=373489&linkCode=as1&creativeASIN=B00322PYYK&adid=02CEGWEHA6ZDH3B0PTQJ&&link_code=as3

    This little netbook is only $325. It does everything that the IPad can do…and a ton more. It’s very user friendly, using a simple Win 7 O/S, and you can load whatever you want on it without being locked into Apple’s proprietary garbage.

    This is the reason for most of the hate.

    • You’re comparing apples to oranges. (Er, no pun intended.)

      The iPad is not a computer, nor a computer replacement. It is not a netbook, nor a laptop.

      People who want the functionality of a netbook will, I assume, buy one of those and be quite happy with their purchase. I don’t want a netbook, because I have a laptop. And a desktop.

      Comparing it to the cost of an iPhone doesn’t work, either. An iPhone is $199 *only* with the subsidization of cost from AT&T. Two year contract, monthly fee. Actually, the iPad is potentially cheaper in the long run of using it.

      The iPad has a larger screen, yes. Worth more to pay more? I dunno. You buy a TV with a bigger screen, should it be pennies more instead of hundreds or even thousands of dollars more? Maybe. But it ain’t. You go from 40″ to 50″, expect to pay hundreds more, and the only difference is generally the screen size.

      The iPad also has a higher resolution.

      The iPad has a host of apps and abilities that the iPhone does not.

      Further, and perhaps most importantly, the iPad has a rocking processor. By all reports, it’s fast. Real fast.

      My laptop does not have a camera, nor does it have a phone. It’s also slower than my iPhone, and cost a lot more. But I love my notebook, and will continue to love desktops and notebooks for what they do.

      And for the record, I was a systems IT guy.

      And I think the iPad looks pretty slick.

      I want more from the iPad. I do. But it’s funny that the narrative changed on the device’s cost — when the cost was announced, everybody was very surprised. It came in cheap. Affordable, even. The Kindle, comparatively, is now a Very Expensive Device for its unitasking self. Now, suddenly, the iPad is expensive. It’s not. It’s really, really not. That is a surprisingly affordable little device.

      From the standpoint of a compelling little device for media consumption and media interaction — remember, again, not a computer — you get a lot of whizbang for your buck compared to a netbook.

      — c.

  • It’s all perspective, Chuck. I could care less if someone owns one. It’s not like I’m running around trying to find people that buy the device and scream at them “HERETIC!!!!” while kicking them in the junk.

    Everyone keeps saying “It’s not a computer.” Well actually…yes…it is. It’s a very proprietary computer running a restrictive O/S. If Apple wanted it to be a full, fledged Mac…they could make it so. There’s people, right now, taking the thing apart in order to learn how they can load Linux on it…if it hasn’t been done already.

    If it wasn’t a restrictive platform, companies could easily write software for it that I could buy at a local store, load onto my computer, and not have to buy only from ITunes, creating an open market and price competition.

    Then you have the other end of the spectrum “Hey…I want an App that can do X”. Sorry…Apple doesn’t feel that it’s appropriate for you to be able to do “X” on their device…even though you own it. So they’ve rejected that app. Sorry. Go cry elsewhere.

    As for the cost…I was surprised at first, but then I read up on the capabilities of the device. Then I frowned, kicked my cat, and said “fuck that shit”. The cost I was referring to was the hardware, only. Forget about the phone for a moment and let’s just say IPod touch.

    At the end of the day it’s like this: You like it. I don’t.

    So until the nation divides itself, and the great IPad wars rage around us, this isn’t something that anyone should really waste time arguing over. If you like it…wonderful! Have fun with it. I’ll still love you. Until, of course, we have to chose sides in the war. Then look out, you bearded bastard! :P

  • Are we at war? Can we start choosing sides? Can I sell copies of an app that emulates the great 2600 classic E.T. and profit?

    Or can I be a sexy secret agent that bromances his way into the secret plans of the enemy command? I need a cool code name. Matty Hairy? The Blue Baller? Agent Cuddlebear! That’s it. Perfect.

    Agent Cuddlebear signing off.

  • Steve Jobs is teh Devil and consumers are stupid!

    Ok, that said, now that I’ve played with the iPad for a longer stretch, I kind of like it in a “completely unnecessary luxury accessory” kind of way. It’s not really a “magical and revolutionary” device (Jobs’ words), but it hints at a potentially significant change on the horizon in how we we acquire, consume and interact with digital content. More on that here: http://bit.ly/93r2mF

    As for NYFC, as I often refer to it, born and raised, tried to move away for good three different times, and still swear I hate it more than I love it… And yet, I can’t imagine not being here. Even having moved just 30 minutes West feels too far some days, and I’d go back to apartment living in the Bronx or Queens in a second if I could convince my wife!

  • As for the price: excellent user interface isn’t free. Apple has, IMHO, the best user interface design, bar none. These designers aren’t giving their talent away. When you buy an Apple product, you’re paying for years of R&D. The Android, like most current smart phones, is borrowing from those years of design. As a fan of good design, I actually care more about aesthetics and ease of use than whether the most-up-to-date features have been crammed in. What good’s a camera to me on a tablet or netbook if I hate the experience of using it?

    • All I’m saying is: THE BEARD WAR IS ON.

      Okay, it’s off again. I’m lazy.

      Matty Hairy made me laugh.

      I don’t think the iPad is quite where it needs to be.

      But I also think that it will be in an iteration or two.

      I also think that, at present, no other device really does what Apple gives you: they’ve somehow turned the use of the thing into part of the experience.

      I’d further argue that it’s *good* for the consumer and industry, because it’s a prototype, a benchmark, and eventually someone — Google? Microsoft? You? — will come along and out-do that experience and improve mightily upon it.

      Finally, Guy, would you believe I’ve never been to Queens or the Bronx? True fact.

      — c.

  • @Chuck: I generally assume that if you’re not from here, you’ve probably only been to Manhattan, and MAYBE Brooklyn. But I’ve known people from each borough who’ve never left their borough, EVER.

    Those people scare me more than that banjo playing kid in Deliverance.

  • sf has almost everything, with fewer of the usual drawbacks. as long as you don’t want to swim at the beach, the weather’s the best. cost is “prohibitive”.
    SF is gradually being ‘Manhattanized’, which should leave some of the lower buildings scattered like pits. this is happening slowly, to avoid too much clash with generational memory.
    I’ve thought of “the southland” (LA, OC, SD, but Riverside & Ventura are still “suburbs”) like you have. huge, smoggy, mostly ugly, yet the cultural opportunities are unique.
    Never been to NY, where possibly culture overcome the horrors.

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