More Portal stuff:

The updates found here:

http://www.shacknews.com/onearticle.x/62575

And holy crap, they put up a real live BBS for this!

Some have speculated it might not be a Portal 2 buildup, but rather a Half Life 2 Episode 3 announcement (since the Portal and Half-Life worlds cross over pretty directly).

– c.

That is a whole lot of shotgun, sir. I feel like I just went quail hunting with you, Mister VP.

Allow me to return all your shot back at you, bit by bit (or shrapnel by shrapnel, or pew by pew, or… you know what, you get the point. Don’t judge me. You’re hindering my spiritual growth.)

That is a damn cute dog. I don’t know if this will help any, but when I was a kid, we had a dog that had constant ear infections also. While neither me (nor my mother) in any way endorse senseless brutality on animals, I recall that we got her ears clipped and the infections (and pain) went away. I don’t remember exactly why, but I know she was a lot happier after. Again, in almost all cases I think clipping tails or ears is very, very wrong – this happens to be one of the times that it helped.

Nextly, the site is looking great. I less than three the new format. The only really irritating thing I find is that when I am tabbing to put my info in, hitting tab between “website” and the comment box takes me to the top of the page. That’s nothing though – I just forget every time. The fact that you chose a picture of goblins from World of Warcraft tell me that you are ready to take the plunge on the dark side. Let me know when you are – I will set you up. Problem is, you have to play the pansy ass Alliance because my wife made me, and now I will make you. Nooch.

Taxes – I used to DJ at strip clubs, and I had to have an “entertainment license” to do so… which was an irritating way to trade money for a piece of paper that had like three lines of text on it. ALL HAIL THE BUREAUCRACY! Regardless, because I was technically an independant entertainer being hired out on a service per service basis by clubs (not really the case, but that’s how the paperwork ended out) I had to do my own taxes, and it was convoluted as hell. I can only imagine that freelancing is much the same. If you have a book deal coming and all that entails, it is just going to get worse. Do yourself a favor, hire an accountant. Beyond the fact they know exactly what to do, they will also be able to hook you up with deductions you might not know about – and that are hopefully legal. I think it’s worth the plunge dude, you’re getting some success so give yourself a solid base and don’t let the IRS fuck you.

I like just basic butter and sugar in oatmeal, but man I will yum that up. I guess I am weird in that I don’t like flavored oatmeal. So meh. Bitch.

Avocados on the other hand – mother fucking yum. After living in New Mexico for ten years, there is no way I haven’t come to love this amazing source of awesome. I am going to share my guacamole recipe with you, as I learned from cooking at the Blue Corn Cafe:

A couple of pitted and diced avocados, very fucking mushy.
Half a cup of sour cream (I know that’s a lot, but texture fucker)
One fully squeezed lime
One shot of tequilla
A cup of pico de gayo (If you need a recipe, I’ll hook you up)
Tablespoon of salt
One finely diced green chile

One of the best part of avocados is their flavor transfers amazingly well. I want you to try this if you get the chance:

Put a little bit of your favorite oil in a pan (don’t use olive, the flavor will eff this up) and add take half an avocado, cut in a strip long-wise in two pieces. Give a couple of chicken breasts a garlic rub with oil you had, and then place them to cook on a slow heat on top of the stripped avocado – and that’s it. Cover those bitches and cook them slow. The taste of that chicken is just outstanding, and the “fried” avocado is fairly tasty also.

Bison, never had it. Buffalo is amazing though.

And lastly, your links always impress and make my internet morning a hoot! Here’s one back for you, motivated by us toilet training our son.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_6-KrrIbAEs

@Rick:

Man, you’re all COMMENTING WITH SHOTGUNS. Both barrels to my dome. Splurch.

Stuff back!

a) Dog is cute. Not sure ear clipping will help — her ear infections are in the canals. They can do various version of surgery where they clip away canal tissue.

b) Thanky on the site. Not sure about the tab issue. I think I’ve already gone well beyond my codemonkey abilities.

c) Taxes — well, as far as straight-up tax talk goes, our tax accountant is great. One bonus is that a freelance writer can take scads of interesting deductions, which are actually legit. Buying books counts as entertainment research — which, frankly, it is, but it’s a nice perk. Mostly, I’m wondering if I eventually need to get a full-bore accountant for year-round stuff.

d) Butter and sugar in oatmeal is good stuff. I don’t eat “flavored” oatmeal, though — not the oatmeal in little packets. I take rolled oats and cook ‘em for five mins in milk, then add those various permutations of deliciousness and health.

e) Guac — mmm. Will try the tequila shot. Will also try that awesome avocado recipe. Nice.

f) Bison and buffalo are probably the same thing. Technically, they’re not — but you probably didn’t eat legit buffalo, you ate American Buffalo, which is the bison.

– c.

Oh, I’ve seen that link and it continues to disturb.

I need a wash.

I don’t think I’d ever turn chicken prepped that way into a full on meal, but it’s damn tasty and is amazing for a sandwich.

I was all ready to say something about taxes until I read of your oatmeal addiction. We can start a support group. I used to hate the stuff to a point where the sight of it made me want to vomit. That all changed in the fall of 1995 at Fort McClellen in Alabama. My love affair grew out of necessity to have something warm to eat at 4:30 in the fucking morning (Yes…that’s what time we ate breakfast). I needed something besides cold cereal, toast, and whatever the hell that yellow paste was that they served. Thee it was, just hanging out in a beige bowl, looking all nasty. I couldn’t fight the urge, though, it called to me like a cheap hooker, alone in an alley, begging to be choked. I forced it down my throat and to my surprise I quite enjoyed it. So there you have it. My love for oatmeal.

Ok…now on to cooking. You know that I enjoy it. Start up the conversation, my friend, because the BBQ is staring at me through the back door whispering to me “If you put ribs in me, I will cook them.” each time I roll near. I ill cook Bison on it this year, again. Bison is awesome. The Red Lion Inn (Also known as McCoole’s) serves it. I love the stuff.

That’s a lot of information to take in at an ungodly hour of the morning.

The site looks better. Like, a lot better. Like, miles and miles better. More professional. Snazzy. Snappy. Shiny.

When it comes to food, I’m not only Irish, but puritanical Irish. My red meat is cow, that’s it. White meat is pig or chicken/turkey. I do not delve into duck, goose, pheasant, quail, or raven (though I occasionally, on very rare occasions, eat crow). I have tried rabbit, moose, seal, lamb and caribou. I’m fairly certain someone’s even slipped me some bear jerky once. In the words of the Internet meme: DO NOT WANT. I understand (I guess) the appeal of alternative meats to others, but when it comes to my meats: cow, pig, turkey, chicken. Occasionally codfish. End o’ story.

Oh, and whatever bits of questionable, unidentifiable animal hot dogs come from. Cos hot dogs are goooood.

Avocadoes scare me. They’re far too innocently shaped, and a shade of green I’ve come to associate with “I’m lulling you into a false sense of security”. I fully believe this fruit is evil incarnate, and should be treated as such.

I also learned not to eat guacamole with Rick’s friends in New Mexico; my stomach is very white, and I got tired of them laughing their asses off at my complete lack of tolerance for spice. Or perhaps it was my reaction to my complete lack of tolerance for spice, I’m not sure. Either way, it was very wearying.

Tax season is upon us too here in Great White-Green Canadia. We don’t get sodomized so hard up here. Doing our taxes and falling within certain income brackets means that our quarterly sales-tax refunds (January, April, July and October) go off without a hitch, and our family benefits (once monthly on or near the 20th) continue to be deposited. Being a socialist is nice, sometimes.

I spent the morning staring at my computer screen and wondering when I could take a nap. But this was posted by one of the Twitter people (Tweeple?) I follow a few days ago: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qybUFnY7Y8w (In which a rock band hires a bunch of physicists and engineers from MindShare to build a complicated machine out of junk, and time it to the music).

Oh my god, Chuck, your guacamole is … well, let’s just say that if you ever venture down here, I’ll make sure you have proper guac.

Oatmeal is my regular feed of choice, too. I like to eat the steel cut variety raw – I sprinkle them over some Greek yogurt and drizzle a little honey on top. Crazy delicious.

Bison is so ridiculously delicious! Just so tender. That and venison are our go-to red meats. (We have white tail deer here, so it’s not gamey.) A bison tenderloin cooked rare with some chiopotle tobasco to dip it in is my idea of a perfect dinner.

I’m digging the site – my only head tilt-hmmm would be to have a little more color. Like, instead of the hyperlinks just looking like bolded text, have them be a color to make them stand out? (That’s crazy nitpicky, I know, I’m just throwing anything at you.) I think it looks very polished and slick.

@Stoney: What? You gonna step to my guac? What’s wrong with it? It’s filled with love! It’s fast! It’s easy! *sob*

Steel cut raw. Will remember that.

Whitetail — I had it recently and loved it, but it’s a hard sell for me. We used to raise whitetails, the first two in the house, so they were like pets. Hard to eat pets.

Site — color hyperlinks. What color, y’think? Color on white is tricky.

– c.

I should also remind:

I’m not using Formspring so much now, but if you really, really gotta ask me something away from here?

Tumblr’s your place.

http://terribleminds.tumblr.com/ask

– c.

I think the iPad has the *potential* to be a transmedia device. Whether or not it will, though, depends largely on whether or not people choose to make it one. Just one transmedia app linked to a major IP will probably break it open. After all, it has everything you need to do an ARG, support eBooks, play video vignettes, and/or produce background music.

Then, the quality of the first few transmedia properties will determine whether it becomes a truly transformative phenomenon, or a gimmicky marketing fad.

And, I just got my wife hooked on bison steaks last week. Unfortunately, the first one was not, in fact, free.

Right. As a device, the potential is there, which makes it a transmedia device — it just might not be used to its full potential initially.

Someone will, though. Why wouldn’t you?

– c.

Guac needs NOTHING EXTRA in it to make it creamy. Sour cream goes on the side. (You get a “flag” of ingredients: guac, pico de gallo, and sour cream. THey are three distinct beings, like God the Father, Jesus and Casper the friendly Ghost.)

Guac: an avocado, cut into chunks. A handful of diced tomato. Garlic salt. (Or salt + a little minced garlic, but the garlic salt works fine.) The juice of half a lime, people on the East coast of Mexico would use a lemon, btw.) Mix it up. That’s it. Simple. Pure. Good. Like I imagine myself to be, not all whorey and tainted with sour cream and *hoark* mayo.

We keep the condiments separate down here – salsa is salsa and doesn’t go in the guac, etc.

No eating pets? What, are you some kind of titty baby? I make sure my dog sees me licking my lips and admiring her fat haunches, but that’s just me. (Ha, no, that would be hard to do.)

Color: I immediately thought of a steel blue, but that might be too “teal” for you. It would be a dark enough color to not be jarring, but still all butch and shit.

I’ll cotton to your “don’t need nothin’ else” notion. I like the bite that sour cream gives it, and the roundness that mayo lends it. (Further, from a purely practical perspective, it allows the guac to “go longer” in terms of “MORE CHIPS NOM NOM NOM.”)

And, when I say “salsa,” we use pico de gallo — nothing but tomato, onion, chile. I think the onion is necessary. And I’ll flag you on garlic salt. Garlic salt? Stop it. Stop it right now. Fresh garlic all the way. Dicey-dice! Fresh garlic kicks the dehydrated spice stuff right in its fragrant nads. Whumpf.

I use lemon sometimes if it’s all I have — I prefer the lime, I think.

– c.

Layout – I’m reading this on my phone and it looks great except I cannot distinguish the hyperlinks by looking.

Oatmeal – a pinch of salt goes a long way. Also, dried fruit aren’t limited to raisins – any small dried fruit (or freeze dried fruit) does very well for flavor and texture due to the magic of rehydration.

Also, steel cut is awesome and can be prepped overnight in a slow cooker.

-Rob D

@Rob –

Hrrm. Hyperlinks: noted. Maybe underlining.

Oatmeal — ah, yes, I put a pinch of salt in every time. First couple of times, I, erm, overpinched. Not good. I hear Alton has a steelcut slowcooker recipe. I’ll try it, but for weekday mornings, I can be sure I don’t really want to go that far for a bowl of oatmeal yet, not if the difference isn’t jaw-droppingly significant. I have dried fruit, but haven’t played with it in the oatmeal yet — will do!

– c.

I like the new look of the site, Chuck. Much cleaner than the old version and easier on the eyes.

I incorporated my freelance business back in 1999. I run Full Moon Enterprises Inc. as an S-corp and pay myself a reasonable salary. The main benefit is that any money I take out as a corporate draw (over and above the salary) counts as a dividend, so I don’t need to pay the standard withholding taxes on it. This is only worthwhile if you’re making at least $40k/year, but the more you bring in, the more you save. The tradeoff is that it robs your future Social Security funds for more money in your pocket today.

You probably don’t need a year-round accountant. I had mine set me up with the right payroll deductions for myself and then let me go. I come back once a year for tax help, although since I’ve been using this routine for 11 years now, I’m considering doing it myself this year for the first time since I incorporated.

Having a corporation helps with keeping deductions straight, lining up credit cards for your business as opposed to yourself, certain long-shot liability issues, and so on. If you have to bankrupt the company and go get a day job, chances are you can protect yourself better with the corporation in place. Also, some larger corporations (like huge toy companies) prefer to work with other corporations rather than hire individuals, mostly for paperwork reasons.

Hope that helps!

@Matt:

Very helpful, thank you. I like the things you’re saying. I’ll have to look into it again, see if it makes sense — I’m probably on the cusp of that being financially wise. Not sure on which side I fall, yet.

And thanks, too, for your comments about the site. Part of the goal was definitely to make it cleaner and easier to read.

– c.

It’s a little late to get on my soapbox about puppy mills, bad breeding, and mistreated dogs, so I won’t bother. All that flies out the window when you have a dog you love and have had for awhile, anyway. She’s damned cute. If it’s any consolation, our dogs regularly eat our money, too. Recently my vet told me it would be over $600.00 to remove a tiny skin tag from Goblin’s front paw. If they can shoot my ear up with Novacain and (DEEPLY – ow!) shave off two moles, why do they have to knock him out to laser off this tiny equivalent on his front foreleg??! I said “No, thanks. At that price, I’ll wait until it’s the size of a damned tumor and HAS to come off.”

I love avocados. I eat them with nothing but Kosher sea salt, among many other ways. I do not mix salsa in my guacamole. I use lots of onions, chopped fresh tomatoes, mayo, nice herbs, and garlic salt. Try it. Nummy.

I have a great tax person. It’s called TurboTax. After numerous years of me spending days getting receipts together, organizing and totaling it all up, then sitting there and feeding an accountant numbers, I had an epiphany. *I* was the one who did all that agonizing crap. Then I sat there for an hour or two, fed this person the numbers (after filling them out on a very specific worksheet ahead of time, said worksheet being designed to make it faster for THEM) while he or she typed these numbers into various forms on a program. After which I got a big f***king bill at the end. And I do mean BIG. The last time I did this, the accountant got us a refund of $960.00. Then she presented me with, I am not kidding, an bill for $900.00– this after a so-called “discount.” I thought, “What the hell, I’m the one who did all the work and she gets all the money? I can type numbers into a program just as easily as she can.” (And by the way, this last year was the same year she had to amend our previous return because she left off something significant I gave her the previous year and I caught it.) It’s the same procedure, whether you use a private accountant or the I-definitely-DON’T-recommend-H&R-Block method. They all charge X amount of dollars for [fill in the type of form].

So I got TurboTax. TT asks you every possible question under the sun, and guess what? They’re the same ones the accountant(s) used to ask me. Yeah, it usually ends up taking me, if I total it all up, the equivalent of 4 or 5 days. I would spend most of that getting the receipts together anyway. To save $900.00, I can damned well do this, plus I can work on it a little at a time at home, on my computer. A bonus is I can also and very easily do the taxes for my retired Dad, and save him about $125.00. The bottom line is that I just don’t believe there’s some great accounting magic here. If there is, it’s in a pay grade way above what The Husband and I make, even counting all our combined efforts.

@Yvonne:

$600 for a #*&$^# skin tag?

Zoinks.

Our last vet wants to clean the dogs’ teeth everytime, which necessitates putting them under. Uhh. Yeah. No.

On taxes: I’ll ponder this. I always assumed that, given the freelancer’s somewhat unique situation, TurboTax wouldn’t really do the trick.

Hrm.

(Oh, and it seems like everybody has their own guac. Interesting. I also forgot one ingredient I sometimes add: sweet, smoky paprika.)

– c.

Chuck, I incorporated Essomenic Press as an LLC for protection purposes… and then haven’t had an occasion to really get it out on to the road yet. I think Matt’s S-Corp is a smarter idea, now, but I wanted an LLC because I thought I was going to be publishing under it instead of just doing freelance under it. I may, still, but this year the company ain’t done much for me. So it goes.

Oh, on the guacamole front, I have unending love for straight avacado, but I have had good success with two different mixers, pureed peas and blue cheese (rocquemole!). Both recipes come from Nigella Lawson, and the blue cheese in particular does very well.

Wait — pureed peas / blue cheese as an avocado replacement, or that goes in with the avocado?

Color me curious.

(Oh, and to @Rich — WOW will never ensnare me. I avoid it like the plague because I know once I stop avoiding it I will be hip deep in it. I cannot, cannot have that kind of distraction on my PC. That is productivity poison.)

– c.

Oooh — also, has anybody used other types of avocado? I use hass, but others exist (big, clunky “Florida” avocados?).

As supplemental to the avacado to impact flavor and texture in the final product.

Ooooh. Yum, then.

Because I believe in tolerance and civil liberties, I will not call down the thunder upon you for your guacamole heresy. (MAYO?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!)

And did anyone else have trouble reading this article via RSS? The images bled down into the text after them as sort of a background, making said text nigh-impossible to read.

[...] taking a cue from Ye Olde Magick Speaking Beardface and just putting down some words about life in general at this point. I only have one real creative [...]

Dude, nothing wrong with that dab of Mayo in there. I mean, we’re talking a tablespoon.

RE: the RSS problem — I’d be curious to see if this is a duped issue with people?

– c.

Two things! (Well, more, but I’d like to sucker you in and get you committed: Two things? That’s easy! Wait, why am I on the fifteenth bullet point?)

1. Colored hyperlinks: May I suggest using #1FA3DA as your color for internals? That is the color you’ve already got on your comments to the left. Tends to be easy to figure out. (Leave ‘em bolded.)

1a. Problem with that one is it’ll make the links on the right — Feed the Reader — dementedly hard to read. Leave those particular links alone. They’re fine.

2. Avocado! Use it in your smoothies. No, seriously, do it. When I need a fruit boost or a workout shake, I whip up whatever’s in my fridge or on my counter, and hadd half an avocado. (Usually only half because I’ve already done something with the other half…) It adds a deliciously creamy, super-smooth consistency, and a smidge of unusual but frothingly delicious flavor.

3. Oatmeal: Throw blueberries in it (I add brown sugar, too). Stir. Microwave for 2 minutes. Stir. Microwave for another 2 minutes (possibly 1, if yours is the microwave that is powere by a small nuclear device). The berries will burst — seriously, they will — and it will be flavor mana from heaven. Try this with the other berries! (Also: banana, mm, gets all mushy — does not require all 4 minutes, however… mostly just 3.)

Points 2 and 3 are the absolute best..

That said, I’ve only tried steel-cut once, and I didn’t like it as much. I will attempt it raw over something awesomely dessert-like. (Read: breakfast-like). You should make mango salsa. Or at least play with it. I’m going to try when mangoes really come into season — they’re all weedy and frail right now. Should be fun!

One year, I did that thing at the end of the year where you search through your online statements for charges from a particular place. That was the year I decided not to get a third dog. Too bad I forgot a few months later. I try to avoid even thinking about vet bills. One dog has horrible allergies, the other has cancer, and the middle one’s just dumb. Luckily, that doesn’t cost anything.

I do not need mayo in my guac. In fact, I can quite happily halve an avocado, pull out the pit, fill the hole with balsamic vinegar, and just eat it that way. On the other hand, I do love to make fish tacos at home, so we make a lot of guacamole. Recently, we discovered that if we called ahead, our local Mexican restaurant would sell us salsa by the pint or quart. This is a very good thing, since my tacos arebetter than theirs, but their salsa is truly excellent.

Love the new look. But you knew that.

…avocado and balsamic vinegar.

…avocado. And balsamic vinegar?

…hurrrm.

That’s good, then? Are we talking the sweet, syrupy stuff? The aged balsamic? The stuff you can put on ice cream or use to macerate berries? (If anybody hasn’t tried it, definitely do — get a good bottle of aged balsamic and pop it on vanilla ice cream. Just a little.)

– c.

Guac Recipe…simplicity is key.

2 medium Ripe Avocados, halved, pitted, and removed from peel
1 tablespoon Fresh Lemon Juice
1 tablespoon Fresh Lime Juice
2 Roasted Garlic cloves
1/2 cup Chunky Salsa (I make my own salsa for this…recipe available)
1/8 teaspoon Sea Salt

- Sprinkle avocado with lemon juice.
- Dice the garlic and put it in
- Mash avocado and garlic with fork.
- Fold in salsa and sea salt.
- Refrigerate until serving.

That’s my 2 cents.

You people are an awesome brain trust.

All right, @Paul — salsa recipe. Let’s hear it.

@Karina — Avocado smoothies. No shiznit? Have to try that. (Well. Need a blender that doesn’t suck ass first. We have far too little room in our kitchen, I must say.) And blueberries — y’know, I won’t lie, blueberries have mostly disappointed me. The ones that don’t are usually farmer’s market blueberries, but the standard grocery store ones? Ehhhh. Not very flavorful.

And thanks for the link tips. Will poke around!

– c.

STOP DISCRIMINATING AGAINST MY PEOPLE, CHUCK! Goblins have it hard enough in such racist films as LotR and in those Warhammer games…I can’t believe you’d accuse us of wrecking your site!

My dog, which looks just like your dog but twice as tall, also came from a pet store and also has a ton of allergies. My dog is allergic to gluten. GLUTEN! Of all things, she’s allergic to it. My dog is also a lovable sort of dog and very intelligent, but her ears make it difficult each month. She also has (avert your eyes sensitive peeps!) anal gland problems, and we have to take her in regularly to get them expressed.

Guacamole is disgusting. DISGUSTING. I have to combine hot sauce or salsa to it to make it edible. Granted, I may just be eating the wrong sort of guacomole but every time I say “Oh I’ll try this guacamole to see if it’s any good” I am disappointed.

Salsa.

6-8 vine ripened tomatoes, peeled and chopped (If you use the crappy Beefsteak tomatoes, a burly Italian plumber will come to your house and hurl magical fire balls at you)
2 white or yellow onions chopped
1 green pepper, peeled and chopped
1 red pepper, peeled and chopped
3 green chili, chopped fine (Or you can use Jalepeno or Habenero peppers)
2 cloves garlic, minced
1/2 cup cilantro, chopped
1 5.5 oz can tomato paste (I prefer Hunt’s)
1/2 cup white vinegar
1 tbsp granulated sugar
1 tsp sea salt
1/2 tsp ground cumin
1 tblspn Sriracha chili sauce (Rooster Sauce…google it if you don’t know what I’m talking about)

Put all of this in a Dutch Oven and bring to a boil. Immediately reduce heat to a simmer. Let this mix simmer for 2 hours stirring every 15 minutes or until desired consistency is reached. Ladle it into a Tupperware container or jars and refrigerate. Let the mixture cool for at least an hour before serving.

@PaulD: This plumber? http://gaygamer.net/images/daddymario.jpg

OK, Chuckmeister, taxes.
Whomever above, and I AM too fucking lazy to go back and look, so just shut up, is kinda right about TurboTax or any of the other good software programs. If you’re not asking theoretical questions and just want to ensure you’re doing a good job with your current facts and circumstances, then those programs aren’t bad. Now, TT might not have pointed out the book deduction (and I’m not positive you’d get away with that one on audit, though you could make a case) but whatever it might miss is likely going to be less than the fee you pay to an accountant.
Where an accountant could help is with issues like, oh, should I consider changing entity. What are you now? Sole Prop? If so, I know all I gotta do is say “self-employment tax” to make your bung hole pucker up like Aunt Mable’s kisser. Now, you could become a C Corp and skip out on self employment taxes, but then you’d pay corporate taxes. There’ve been some guys making hay telling folk all they gotta do is become an Sub-S corp, then they can skip self employment taxes by paying themselves minimal if any salary and instead paying themselves non-taxable dividends. Problem is, if you don’t pay yourself a reasonable salary out of your sub-s earnings, then that there approach equals fraud – and it’s something the IRS is pretty hep to. Trust me, getting caught with your winkie in the fraud jar will make paying SE taxes seem like buying gum. Now, you could set up a Sub S, pay yourself a reasonable salary and perhaps skip some SE tax by also paying yourself some dividends – problem is, it hard to justify that any earnings are dividends if your Sub S earnings are primarily due to personally providing services. But it can be worth a discussion with an accountant to explore some options – if some alternative strategy makes sense, you can probably go back to doing the annual compliance yourself.
I assume you’re doing the usual s—home office deductions, set up a SEP to shelter some retirement income, etc. Does your wife work, or do any work for you? My wife used to do some of my office stuff – billings, proofreading, lining up interview times, etc. There can be tax advantages to having an employee and having two earners in a house, but, again, they are facts-and-circumstance driven. After talking it over with an accountant, we took an annual “business retreat” trip a couple of times, always somewhere nice. We did have an actual agenda of items to discuss about the future of the business, and we did actually discuss them, but we could have done it at home. Nice way to write off a vacation, and not something I could have done if she hadn’t been an employee. Also, we had a corporal punishment policy . . . oh, yeah, taxes. Sorry, never mind.
And, of course, you should invest in a series of progressively larger dildos and a big ol’ tub of KY. Start with the smallest and work your way up until you’re riding that Douglas Spruce sized puppy like Roy Rodgers on Trigger. Then it will burn less each April when the Feds ease their way up your backside to make their withdrawal.
Please keep in mind that I ain’t an accountant – just a misguided English/Philosophy/History major who has toiled in the accounting marketing salt mines lo these many years.

John the Great – our dog is also allergic to gluten. Along with oats, bran, rice…. I recommend trying a fish and potato food. That’s what ours is on. Be sure to check the ingredients because what you want is foods and treats with just those two ingredients.

Chuck – yep, that balsamic vinegar. Basically, it’s just like putting a vinaigrette dressing on your avocado, but why bother with allthe other ingredients, when what you really want is that tart sweetness?

Okay, no one’s going to read this, but what the hell, I have oatmeal awesomeness to share.

Cook your oatmeal with only water and a pinch of salt. Fry up a couple of strips of bacon until they are crispy. Break the bacon into small pieces (or cut them), stir into the oatmeal and savour god’s only perfect food.

I just read it, and my mouth is watery.