Painting With Shotguns XXIV
Blah blah blah.
Boom. Shotguns. Paint.
You know the drill.
But before we get into it, lemme ask you: do you like the Painting With Shotguns weekly deal? It’s a nice way for me to just… vomit forth a throatload of nonsense for all to see with little to no rhyme or reason, and I (personally) like the headers rather than the bullet point format.
I just figured I’d ask. Likey? No likey? No ticky no laundry?
Hit the comments. Give a hoot.
Now, onto the gutshot of buckshot. Splurch!
It’s Gepainten Mit Der Shotgunheimer.
Questions, Queries, Quizzes
Hey! Look. I have one of those Formspring things. What that means is, you can go over there, and you can ask me a question. You can ask it anonymously. And I’ll answer it. I’ll answer it, because I am a whore. An attention whore? A word whore? A regular ol’ strumpet whore? Pick one. Pick your favorite. But as I told Jesse Scoble earlier in the week, don’t expect any trip to the Greek Islands, you hear?
If you have questions, I’d say to get in on that shit now. While I’m still interested. Because I can’t lie — I’m not yet sure of the point. If you want to ask me something, you could presumably hop, skip and jump on over here and just ask away in any given post. Anonymously, even. At Formspring, I don’t appear to be getting any real connections out of it — it seems to have a minimal social backend, one that isn’t yet connecting me to anybody. It’s interesting. But it’s probably a novelty?
Hey, whatever. It’s there if you want it. Plus, people have already asked questions, so you have more stupid nonsense about me, by me, to read.
That reminds me, actually. I have what appears to be a gaggle of new readers here. (Welcome! Sorry about the mess. And the profanity. And the dead hooker. Er, hookers. Er, hooker body parts. Have some Cheetos!) Either we have new readers, or there’s like, one guy zealously clicking away in the privacy of his trailer or dorm room. Clickclickclickclickclick. At some point I’ll go ahead and do another 10 or 20 random things about Yours Truly. And hell, you can add your own.
The Inevitable, Unstoppable Redesign
Last April, I went from the old site, which was positively medieval in its design and implementation (I think it was only viewable on an old Tandy 1000 SX), and I kicked it up a notch with the help of a man named Hindmarch and a piece of software named WordPress. Once I was in, I was all in. I picked a theme and had it up and running in… I think a week or so?
I didn’t pick the theme hastily — I spent a few solid days straight scouring the Intertubes raw looking for something good. I like what I found, and still do.
But, as I’ve noted in the past, it was really a temporary fix.
I’m closing in on a redesign, I think. Possibly to coordinate with the anniversary of the initial change, so — Aprilish? Something like that? I’ve been quiet on the subject but weekly I’ve been collecting a small army of links and examples that Make Chuck Happy, and I think I’ve found the direction I’ll take. I bounced from idea to idea: do I go freakishly minimal? Do I do something with insane typography? Bold graphics? Full frontal nudity? Do I paint myself like a lion and film weird YouTube videos of me stalking gazelle on the veldt (meaning, hunting neighbors as they go to their car and biting them)? What’s the angle?
I won’t reveal much now. But it’ll still be this blog, but maybe a bit more. Maybe something a little more “writer-portfolio-flavored.” Obviously I want to maintain the vaguest professional veneer while still retaining my foul mouth and utterly unpleasant attitude, right? Because those are selling points, right? Those are my brand? Surely, that’s not just an excuse for me to sling profanity around like a chimp winging poo at passersby!
I had put out some feelers for designers, but that looks to be a pretty expensive route to get anything “custom.” I don’t blame them; they need to eat. But even $500 is a lot of cash to shell out for a WordPress design when so many awesome free and premium themes exist out there, and when I have the meager skills to probably molest the theme into some semblance of what I want. You can get a good premium theme from Themeforest for like, $20-30 bucks, and usually with full documentation and access to the designer.
Slowly, I zero in on what I want the redesign to look like.
But, I put it to you:
Anything on this site you could live without? Anything you absolutely gotta have? The blogroll — I use it, but do you? Does it lack the context and fall prey to the same Twitter Follow Friday problem? The tag cloud. Useful? Do you search by it? Does the Lifestream engage you, or does it just burn your precious eyes?
Further, if you find any cool WordPress themes in your travels that might be good for writers, give a shout. I have a pretty good list, so don’t go out of your way. Also, while you’re there, pick me up a sandwich.
I Know A Guy
Listen. I know a guy.
You need a guy in a chopper with a Vulcan cannon protecting your ass when you’re out on the line?
You need a sniper to cover your shitcan when you’re out in the weeds with your Ghillie suit on?
You need a dude to help you defend like, I dunno, a TGI Friday’s from an onrushing horde of Pinko Russkie Potato Farmers?
You need yourself a Hindmarch.
I know that guy.
(In addition to his mad skillz, he’s also an incredibly pleasant gentleman.)
The Prerequisite Lynx
Hey! Links! Stuff! Clicky! And news! Gah!
- I am reportedly the special guest at Simcon in Rochester, NY. Who let that happen? Don’t tell them, but they picked a real jackhole as a special guest. Shhh. But yes! I’m going. They were kind enough to invite me up yonder, so I’ll be doing some talks and running some games and… other stuff? If you’re able to come, let me know. We’ll catch up. I will buy you a beer. Just one. Because I know how you get.
- Unannounced as yet, but I think I’m doing DIY Days in NYC just a few days later. Probably doing a talk or a workshop about “storytelling in games.” Keep your grapes peeled.
- David Hill and Filamena have Maschine Zeit growing in a series of tubes and jars in their basement, and I — amongst other most excellent writers — am on board for some word count. I played a demo of the game, and it’s slicker than goose shit on a glass window. You’ll dig it. I’m looking forward to it. My only warning is, somehow, they let Eddy Webb write for the thing. It’s not that he’s not a good writer. He is. He’s great. But he’s dangerously unstable. And his ego is an ever-hungry furnace. I’m just saying. I’m just saying.
- I throw the gauntlet down. Take the Do Some Damage flash fiction challenge. Go ahead. I dare you. I double-dog dare you. I triple-nipple dare you with a rabid wombat on top. Don’t be a big sweaty vagina-head.
- Admiral Ackbar as school mascot…?
- Have you been to John Hornor’s blog? Do so. He’s one of those writers not at all content to be held to a single genre like an insect pinned to a corkboard. He wants to write it all. I’m with him — why limit yourself?
- The specter of sexism in horror fiction rears its head again?
- Five things the media loves to pretend is news. (Awesome.)
And that, for me, is all she wrote.
Say goodnight, Gracie.