Twitter For Dipshits

The title for this post should really be, “Some Stuff About Twitter,” but I didn’t think that was catchy enough. Not enough pizazz. Not enough razmatazz. And other “-azz” words.

Let me say up front: I loves me the Twitters. I do. It’s a place with few rules but a lot of preferences. Everybody has their own way of using it. It’s not just a social tool. It’s a social multi-tool. Like the pliers? I like the tiny scissors. Dig the belt punch? I like the strawberry-scented butt plug.

So, when I talk about all the shit I’m going to talk about, take it with a grain of salt. In fact, take it with a whole salt lick. Pitch it right over your shoulder. (It might hit and kill a hobo. And nobody likes a hobo.) What I’m saying here, these are just my thoughts. My opinions. With Twitter, you do what you like. For instance, if you were to follow the rules put forth by the mighty Oatmeal, you might learn that you shouldn’t tweet about what you’re eating. Me, I’m jolly well gonna tweet about what I’m eating. You’re either gonna suck it up, or you’re gonna stop following me. And that’s okay. Them’s the rules in the Twitterdome. Two tweeps enter. One tweep leaves.

Facebook Is An Asshole

I want to be upfront with this: Facebook is an asshole. If you’re wondering, “Should I use Twitter? I already have Facebook,” just know that Facebook is a real dickbag. He’s gotten fat, that Facebook. Bloated on his own self-worth. He’s drunk with his own power. He’s like that Winchester Mansion — behind the scenes, some guilt-mad programmer’s widow is just building nowhere rooms and passageways into the network structure. I’m over there and it’s like whack-a-mole. I’m constantly having to hide people’s game applications. I thought taking care of Farmville and Mafia Wars would do it, but every day is a new photo application or, “Do you know what your friends call you behind your back?” or some asshole quiz like “Which character from Small Wonder are you?” Every five tweets, someone’s just hatched a dynocorn egg, or they’ve grown some kind of mutant varietal of man-eating corn over at the Monster Farm, or they want me to have some goddamn gift or poke or virulent strain of digital anthrax.

I can’t get rid of it. I go to Facebook, I feel under siege.

Hence, go to Twitter. Go there now. Do not pass GO. Do not collect your welfare check. Do not wash your hands. Do not take the Lord’s name in vain. And so on.

Don’t Be Sad If I Don’t Follow You

Hey, listen, let’s be cool about this. Are you cool? I need you to be cool.

You follow me on Twitter, I might not follow you back. Or, I might stop following you.

It is absolutely nothing personal. Some folks follow thousands of tweeps. They seem to follow anyone who follows them. That’s fine. That’s how they do the Twitters. But it tells me that they use it as a one-way street. They send out tweets, but don’t read missives from anybody else. Either that, or they have way too much free time on their hands.

Me, I follow 200 – 250 people. And I’m always adjusting that list, trying to tune the knobs so I get more signal and less noise. It’s like a radio station. I can only have so many presets. Don’t be sad.

Hey, it happens to me, too. I follow people, and they don’t always follow me back. Or sometimes you say shit on the Twittertoobs, and next thing you know, followers bail on you left and right. Curiously, I don’t lose followers when I tweet my vile, scum-oozing profanity, but last week I said something faintly mean about climate change deniers and I lost like, five followers in the next ten minutes. That shit happens. That’s okay.

That’s Twitter.

The 25% Rule

This is how I do the Twitters:

  • 25% for self-promotion
  • 25% for random bullshit
  • 25% as “trusted content filter”
  • 25% replies

Now, to be clear, I just made that 25% number up. But it’s probably roughly accurate? Maybe? Sorta? I dunno.

To explain more clearly:

Random bullshit is easy. That’s just random bullshit.

Replies, you understand that, too. I reply to people. In fact, you could probably lump that right into the “random bullshit” header and rename this the “33% rule.” I leave that in your capable hands to decide.

Self-promotion explains itself, but I want to add a note here: I generally stop following people who are only self-promoters. I don’t mind that you do it. I do it. It’s part of the point. I follow certain people because I want to see what they’re doing. Got a new book out? New blog post? New album? I want to know about it. That’s a good part of why I follow you. But if your Twitterstream is just an endless parade of masturbatory links, I may politely label your tweets “noise” rather than “signal.” Ding. Unfollowed.

“Trusted content filter” is a fancy way of saying, I sometimes see things I think are awesome, and I want to show you those things. So, I make with the linky-linky, and you make with the clicky-clicky. And next thing you know, you’re watching a grainy video where someone hunts a unicorn for sport, or you’re getting an article about Secret Beardborn Superpowers, or you’re learning how to write haiku in arterial spray. Good times. Part of why I follow people is that they are providing me with a steady stream of information and entertainment. Writing tips. Cool thoughts on game design. News about TV shows. Anything and everything.

Back to the top, though –

Sometimes, I want to see the random bullshit.

I like it when people just… mouth off. They say witty things. They talk about the crazy stuff going on in their lives, good or bad. Twitter is like a conversation at the street corner. It’s just some folks hanging out, shooting the shit. Drop in, drop out. I want to hear what’s going on in “the neighborhood.” Sometimes, I just want to hear a little random bullshit.

Follow Friday, With Crazy Super Laser Precision, Pyoo-Pyoo

I am hereby changing my Follow Friday procedures.

You may do the same, or you may give me the finger and throw a bottle at my head.

Your call.

I find the #followfriday phenomenon a little overwrought at this point. Not to say I don’t appreciate people including me in it. I do. I am very appreciative. I will note, however, that it rarely nets me any new followers. One here, one there, most times none at all. And, to be honest, I don’t usually become a follower out of #followfriday recommendations, either. Why is that, exactly?

It’s because the process generally lacks context.

Imagine: a friend of yours comes up to you on the street. They say, “Hey, you should really get together with some of my other friends.” And you’re all like, “Oh yeah?” And your friend is all like, “Yeah, you should really meet Mike Bob Bill Cassandra Betty Juniper Codpiece Hiram Ricky The Other Ricky and Little Junior.”

You’re left, blinking, jaw open. Who? What? Wuzza?

That’s kind of how I feel getting the #followfriday tweets from people:

#ff @scooter @junkins @dickboy @yellowsnow @rampantasshat @mikeyp @poopoopants @aceinthehole @skeevyguy69 @analchlamydia @cockchancre @petey

I’m like, “Who the hell are these people?” If I see my name, I’ll say, “Hey, look! My name.” And then I fade out.

But if you say:

#followfriday Man, you should really follow @yellowsnow because he makes me pee blood he’s so dang funny.

…then I’m far likelier to make with the clicky-clicky and check out his tweetfeed.

Again, you do as you like. From me, expect precision-honed followfriday recommendations. Like a laser, with laser sounds. Pyoo! Pyoo! BOOSH. FOOM. *screams of the dying*

Know That Sometimes, You Gotta Take That Shit To Email

Twitter is awesome for its brevity.

Let’s all try to keep it that way.

If you want to write a letter to someone, send a letter. Do not send them 527 postcards.

If you want to engage in a long conversation with shit-tons of back-and-forth, do not engage in a long-yammering tweet-fest. Take it to email. Or to a blog. Or condense your thoughts into one or two well-placed tweet bullets. Do not send a whole tweet fusillade, because if I happen to follow both of you, then suddenly I’m getting 100 fast tweets that argue which philosopher was sexier or some nonsense. More noise, less signal.

Again, you do what you like. You want to tweet dozens of tweets back and forth about one topic, that’s your bag of pretzels. I might bail on you, though.

Spambots: Collect ‘Em, Trade ‘Em With A Friend

This is just a fun game for you to try: collect spambots. It’s so easy to do! Tweet controversial phrases, and see how many you hook. It’s like fishing for retardobots. “Gay conservative abortion porn bondage Avatar Pauley Perrette Twilight real estate social media marketing Christians!” Go ahead. Tweet that. See how many you can hook. Compare scores with a pal!

Spambots in Twitter obviously do not understand Twitter. For them to function, I have to actively follow VickyTheSlut69. But I won’t. Because I know she’s a mule-kicked spambot. And yet, they persist. So, might as well use it and turn it into a pasttime. Am I right?

And, To Conclude

I was going to write up a list of Awesome New Hashtags I Just Made Up and also offer some tweeps I think you should follow (here’s a freebie: Roger Motherfucking Ebert). Fact is, though, I’m out of time. Lost is coming on. And you’re not going to get in the way of my Lost time, are you? I’ll kill you. I will stab you right in the lungs with this pen. And as you gasp for breath and your chest hole bubbles, I will turn on the TV and use your cooling corpse as a footrest. Know that. I don’t mess around.

I’ll get to those other topics in another post. I promise.

To remind: take no offense from any of this. Do with Twitter as thou wilt shall be the whole of the law. Or the twlaw? Can you really put “tw” in front of anything and make it work? Twork? Chuck Twendig? Mmm. No. I don’t think that really lays too well. Hrm.

67 comments

  • Hey, no bottles at your head from me on this post–and you know I’m that kind of guy no matter if it’s a bottle in the head or a cigarette flicked with deadly precision into an eye. Glasses will not stop me.

    I needed this post. I still have wobbly fawn legs in Twitter. Proof: I never heard of follow Fridays. I’m going to look it up. I’m still working my percentages, since I’m never going to have more than wobbly fawn legs where math is concerned.

    My initial impression is like riding a crowded, noisy subway alone. Some people are so gummed up with slang, or missing teeth (texting-speak) or just bizarre that listening is not worth the time. Some conversations are neat and I want to listen closer.

    My Twitter advice: If you have a keyboard in front of you, use all the keys. Type full words it’ll make you look like you know the alphabet.

    • Oh, and @Keith — I like the subway metaphor. Remember, though, that you’re not alone. You can tweet in isolation, but you can also reply — and, further, you control the conversation. Turn off those that are noise, and find others that are pure signal.

      — c.

  • Well, I feel quite honored you still follow me to be quite honest. All I seem to do on twitter these days is RT, talk rubbish or say nothing at all.

    One minute I have 2 followers, next I have over 600. How the hell that happened is beyond me. Must get out my garden hoe and weed most of them out. Following for the sake of following is something I thought I’d never do. Perhaps I’ve simply got bored with it. Yes, I think I have….

    • @Wendy —

      Nothing wrong with talking rubbish!

      The signal to noise ratio is all good with you. :)

      Frankly, I’m amazed people follow me. I spew noise all day. I wonder how much if it actually ends up as signal.

      — c.

  • My experiences with Twitter usually just involve the “Publish via Twitter” option on WordPress. I’m not a very social person IRL, and that transfers over somewhat to online: I comment on blogs when I want to comment on blogs, I update my status on FB when I want to update my status — or my mom calls me because she needs another barn raised in FarmVille — and I tweet non-masturbatory things very, very rarely.

    I find it amazing that I married someone so damn addicted to social networking when I prefer to sit in my own corner of the interwebz, occasionally poking my head out the window to bid aloha to whomever happens to be passing by at the time.

    I know this is going to have to change, and change soon if I want to make anything of myself as a writer. I’m just not all that socially comfortable, except in smallish circles I feel I *can* be comfortable with, even with the anonymity practically guaranteed by online interactions.

    My addiction to forum trolling notwithstanding.

  • I love twitter. It’s my sex replacement until the coming of the Great Baby… and for a few weeks after because that is just really goopy.

    Well, it is.

    I think Twitter is great for a variety of reasons: I can quip one-liners at people, and I am good at one liners. Anything more than 140 characters might expose me for the charlatan I am.

    It also forces people to compact their sentiments (most of the time), trying to express something with a very severe word count. That Shadowstories y’all did in 140 character lines is a perfect example of that: it is certainly possible, and using twitter I feel hones that ability. I’ve got shit to say – do I need to wordwank to do it?

  • February 17, 2010 at 8:03 AM // Reply

    Twitter is not for me. That doesn’t mean that I dislike it. I don’t have anything to promote and I don’t know why anyone would want to know what I’m doing from one moment to the next. I’m just not that big of a deal. My wife can follow me on Facebook, dammit. I also don’t like the idea of having people “follow” me everywhere I go. I’m not Jesus and I don’t need any damn disciples.

    Post intermission: I love The Oatmeal, Chuck.

    Meanwhile I really dislike Facebook a lot of days. People are attention whores. I LOVE bait posts like “It’s all falling down around me” or “I feel so lonely, I guess I’ll sleep with this .45 tonight.”. People begging to be loved and paid attention to. That’s what Facebook is. Well…it’s also a great place to connect with people and an easy way to keep in touch with them. Fuck that, though. Drama rules that place.

    Social media is still in it’s infancy, in my opinion. There’s a lot of places it will take us. Cell phones and pad-like devices will determine the next wave of how we interact and communicate. Getting closer to Star Trek all the time. I, for one, welcome our mighty ant overlords to come save us from this technological craziness we’ve surrounded ourselves with. It will be our doom. Have a great day!

  • If you’re the kind of man who finds the idea of obtaining your “red wings” or any other form of crimson certification one of the most disgusting things you’ve ever heard — and trust me, I’m right there with ya — well… it’s up to six weeks of that. Plus healing stitches.

    • From social media to bloody intercourse in a 30 minutes.

      It’s like a new Rachel Ray show.

      Only here at #terribleminds, folks.

      I’m going to go scrub my skin off.

      — c.

  • @Paul – Your welcoming of the Great TwitterAnt FaceRegime is duly noted. You will be spared, so we may breed you with the next generation to tend the HyperQueen.

  • @Chuck – All I said was goopy. I was going to leave it there. You’re the one that clicked “Would you like to know more?” You have only yourself to blame.

  • I don’t tweet, and I don’t get it. And after reading that Oatmeal article, I’m forced to conclude that Oatmeal is another one of those nihilistic, misanthropic kind of things (like S*P) that’s only funny occasionally by accident.

    Seriously, if those are the “rules,” wtf *would* you tweet about?

    • Oh, shut your mouth, Mighty Matt! The Oatmeal is hilarity from word one! I kneel at his feet and sup on the liquid hilarity.

      Okay, YMMV, of course. :)

      I don’t find it particularly nihilistic or misanthropic. No more than what you’ll find here, anyway.

      His piece on The Motherfucking Pterodactyl still makes me happy.

      — c.

      • Oh! And @Matt —

        I consider Twitter an integral part of the writer’s life. Seriously. That’s a whole post on its own, but I genuinely believe that these days, social media (and Twitter in particular, at least until Something Better comes along) can help really bolster a writer’s audience.

        — c.

  • I’m not really liking Twitter. I like certain people I follow because they’re entertaining. I’m a dweeb, so I follow Wil Wheaton and Brent Spiner. They make me laugh out loud. LeVar Burton also made the cut, because he posts interesting links. Some of the people I KNOW and I follow… I can’t keep up sometimes. It’s your “Take it to email” thing. Follow Friday drives me batshit for the same reason. WHO are these people? No context at all.

    It’s all driving me away.

    I have many friends hidden on Facebook, and I have MANY of those fucking games hidden as well. This is funny, because yesterday I opened FB to find a thousand “new” Farmville posts, and Farmville is hidden, and when I clicked hide I realized that Farmville is CREATING NEW SHIT to force us to hide them all over again. Fucktards.

    I like Facebook because I’m visual and there’s usually a ton of pretty pictures.

    I’ll get on Twitter again today and try again. We’ll see.

    • @Julie:

      One of the things I don’t like about Facebook (outside their constant need to change the layout) is that it feels like a passive bulletin board. A bulletin board with hundreds of new things tacked to it every hour. So much noise. I can’t filter it, either, not without cherry-picking. The fact that the only relationship is reciprocal (I follow you, you follow me) makes it less useful for me as someone interested in new content and in building an audience.

      — c.

  • Here’s how out of the box thinking I am, Chuck, I’m going to fucking take offense at this whole thing. I’m going to wildly assume that you are calling me fat, disrespectful, and unpatriotic. That’s just me.

    I just don’t have time for Twitter. Not to figure it out, to use it, to read it… Eh. I have “Ashton Kutcher is a self-important dickhole on twitter, and I will be, too” fears, but that’s mostly because I’m also screwing Demi Moore. (She plucks her chin, btw.)

    And to help your spambot collecting here: Edward penis-vagina Cullen luge Olympic sized hole in Taylor Swift cock gobbling Bible.

    You’re welcome.

    • @Stoney:

      Funny thing is, I felt the same way about Twitter until… I think it was Will who nudged me toward it. I just didn’t get it. Didn’t see the point. Wasn’t clear on its goals or my reason for being a part of it.

      Maybe it’s more Zen then that, because I tried it, and was instantly receiving value from it.

      It’s very easy. There’s very few bells and whistles. It’s strikingly minimal as far as Things On The Internet go.

      From it, I gain loose conversation during the day. Conversation that doesn’t require me to be a part of it — it’s a murmur of voices that I can approach and distinguish, or I can pull away from and allow it to be background noise.

      I gain access to the Human Google Hivemind. When our elderly neighbors were being foreclosed upon, I asked Twitter: “Anything they should know?” And in an hour’s time I had dozens of links and printouts for them. Google provides no context, no filter. Twitter gives me filter from people I trust.

      I gain audience. Further, I become audience.

      I gain friends. People I would’ve never connected with had Twitter not been there. Hell, probably half of the commenters here come in through that vector.

      Twitter takes up time in bite-sized increments. That’s rare for the Internet. Most things require a lot of attention. Twitter is easy to drop in and drop out throughout the day. It doesn’t distract from my writing, either, which is a huge plus.

      — c.

  • If there is anyone that could convince me to use Twitter, it would be Wil Wheaton.

    Hmm. The distraction element is honestly the big thing for me. I’m VERY ooh, look, shiny!!

  • This thread reads very well as an advertisement for planned parenthood.

    “Make sure you or your partner wraps up, or this could happen to you! *Describes post-birth sex.*”

    On a related note, I am glad I will never have kids.

  • @Danielle:

    If you ever decide you want to take one on a trial run, I’ll air-mail you one of mine. Available models: cute and hyperactive, manipulatively cute and hyperactive, and as-yet undetermined.

    I do not pay for return shipping, and in fact may not have the same address as when they were shipped out.

    • “Kidflix?”

      You are all going get this place shut down as a bastion of underage pr0n.

      AUTHORITIES: I have nothing to do with this. They’re not talking about what you think they’re talking about — they’re only talking about shipping children in the mail.

      I give up.

      — c.

  • Again, I want to make this clear, all I said was “goopy”. I was not the basis of this “Kidflix” thing.

    God damn it Chuck, why did you have to know more?

  • Kidflix is bad, I didn’t even think about that until Chuck pointed it out.

    But I’d like to point out in return that it’s Chuck himself who added “underage pr0n” to the possible search terms.

    • Whoa now. That’s why I misspelled it — hoping to detract the horde of pedophiles that linger at the gates with hands sticky from candy.

      — c.

  • Great points about Facebook and Twitter!

    There really isn’t time to follow everyone who follows you – I get 400+ tweets a day now! And I thought my email inbox was bad… Though when I checked you out after you decided to following me (Still scratching my head over that one) I loved the website, the zanniness, and figured why not! Have not
    regretted it one bit. :P

    I find #followfriday useless exactly for the reasons as stated! And never remember to do it for peeps either. Doh!

  • I agree, FaceBook is bloated. For those who have to check it, try Facebook Lite. When it works, it’s a great improvement. It only shows actual messages — no games, no who tagged or friended or whatever.

    Hint: Don’t tell it you prefer Lite. The local DNS service for the Lite URL broke last month, but, knowing I preferred Lite, it insisted on taking me to the broken URL. Fortunately my local techie knew how to get around it and fix things.

    Now I’ve bookmarked http://www.lite.facebook.com, but as far as my profile on their servers knows, I use the regular screen.

  • I am absolutely rolling on this one. “Facebook is an Asshole” – classic…exactly what I think. I don’t even visit FB anymore…I pretty much post to it through Tweetdeck. But it’s all for self promotion. Twitter, on the other hand…I feel more at home here.

    I am going to have to try that bot collecting game – but I might put a spin on it…see how many followers I lose in the process. I wonder if that should help my score or hurt it. The rules are in progress.

  • You’re welcome. (I suspect they don’t advertise it much because it’s flaky, and it goes against their belief that they know better than us how we should use our time.)

    And after digesting the rest of the article, my thoughts on Twitter:

    It’s my water cooler. I work at home all day, so the contact with a select group of interesting people is great.

    Unlike chat rooms, you’re not expected to be there in real time. If someone posts important news, it’s okay if you don’t get to it for hours (or days). You aren’t racing against the fast typists. Also, there’s a history, so you can look over the last few days’ worth (time permitting).

    It’s more accepting of random noise. If I’m having one of those days when hourly posts of what I’ve accomplished and what I hope to do in the next hour help, Twitter is the place to do it.

    I also like the Lists feature on Twitter. I have two: “Water-cooler” and “Stars”.

    My water-cooler list is people who are likely to respond to me, whom I consider internet friends. They’d notice my absence. I try to read them after a long weekend away. After a week away I’ll post something like, “Back now. Anything happen while I was gone?” (This is so I don’t miss the important announcement buried 40 pages back.)

    The stars list is people with a gazillion followers who, while friendly enough, don’t know me from Adam.

    Some people have a list for “coworkers” and another for “family”. Others for “laughs” and “science”. It all depends how you want to sort your random input.

    Yes, use standard, traditional English! It’s a good exercise in brevity.

    There’s some evidence that 140 characters is too fast for readers to comprehend and react to emotional news, so we don’t react as strongly to tweets as to the same news in other formats. This can be both good and bad.

  • I agree about the followfriday shit. The other annoyance with followfriday are the people who retweet a list of random just because their name is in it. Narcissism.

    I find I just don’t read most tweets and scroll through looking for content of interest. Might be time to adjust the dials again.

  • Terrific post, spot on.

    I don’t mind occasional txtspk; twitter forces parsimony, and saving a few characters here and there is OK, so long as both parties are otherwise articulate. However, tweets (and tweeters) that are loaded with it get tiresome.

  • Now that I have FINALY joined FaceBook, you say it’s a donkey’s aperture?!

    I really am out of order, then.

    Agree about the follow friday thing. It might have been a good idea that ONE Friday long ago, but it’s lost its meaning. Never have met a new friend from being included in the follow listings. Though I do appreciate and thank the people who stick me in because I am rather polite.

    And interesting tweets? Bah. Who knows what’s interesting anymore.

    Anyway, don’t know how I ended up here, since I’ve never met you before. Probably followed one of my friends and evaded the bouncer.

    Now that I’ve had a drink and eaten some snacks here, I’ll just find my way out.

    Er. You have a lovely home.

    • @Marisa, @Tony, @CKHB, @Linda — hey! Holy crap! New people! Thanks for coming by. Stick around. There’s an aftershow! (There’s no aftershow.)

  • I’m so done with Facebook. Not due to this post, since I dumped it 2 months ago, but this pretty well sums it up.

    For those who’ve chosen to use Buzz, I find it much better than Twitter for semi-open conversations (as opposed to email which is a fairly closed loop).

    Also: Chuck Twendig it is. You opened that portal from hell, now you gotta deal with the horde.

  • I’m a fan of both Twitter and Facebook, although largely for different reasons.

    Facebook has essentially replaced MySpace. I’m friends with my mom on there, as well as highschool and real life friends. I mainly use it to keep up with shit going on in St. Louis and chat with a few friends. I also have a fan page for the comic, but I try to keep my personal FB and my comic related FB seperate.

    Twitter has largely replaced Livejournal. I’m friends with a bunch of cool random people, like Chuck Wendig. I use it to chat about random crap, pimp the comic, and keep abreast of general stupidity. I’m also much less private about who I will follow/be followed by on Twitter. I don’t really want any random yahoo being my Facebook buddy, but random yahoos make up a large portion of my twitter feed.

  • Wow. So much has happened to this blog since this morning. You all are crazy. Redwings, kidflix…wow. But facebook lite is a great thing. As for followers, I have few. I can’t feel y’all on that one.

    Wild. Everyone. Wild.

    K

  • Dern it all, I had me some Redwings back when I was a lad and they was some damn fine boots. You youngin’s and all your social medialization, turning everything good into smutcycles.

  • I used to love my Redwings! I had a set of size 16’s that nearly reached my knee back in the day, and they were some of the most comfortable boots I have ever worn (with the exception of corcoran jump boots).

    Damn, I wonder if they still make boots in my size? Internet… AWAY!

    • Redwings as boots, and redwings as sexual maneuver.

      Hrm.

      Last night, I totally gave the “Doc Martens” to this girl. Got a little shoe polish in her eye. In her *eye.* If you know what I mean. Right? AmIright? Hrm?

      Okay, yeah, maybe not.

      — c.

  • February 17, 2010 at 7:18 PM // Reply

    Jesus. I go to work for one day and you nuts tear the wheels off the car and turn it into a kiddie-porn and tampon emporium! I’m waiting for the alien ant overlords…

  • Dude, don’t knock on Redwings. Put your foot in one. It’s like stepping in an orgasm.

    Not, like, stepping in what’s left from someone else’s… or your own. Alright, maybe I didn’t think that one through as far as I should have. Still, it’s like crapping on a cloud with your foot, while cherubs blow dry your sack.

    • I think you’re taking some very dangerous medication. “Crapping on a cloud with your foot?”

      Someone, restrain Rick. Hurry, before he bites his own feet off.

      — c.

  • February 17, 2010 at 7:50 PM // Reply

    I refuse to wear anything that brings back horrible memories of the 1997 Stanley Cup Playoffs where the Flyers got swept by the Red Wings. Those shoes could (sexual reference omitted in order to save Chuck’s blog from the CIA). I won’t wear them.

  • I would never throw a bottle at you Chuck! I’m your friend!

    I’d smash the bottle over your head, then I’d grind the broken part into your face while smashing your skull against the china cabinet until all the pretty white pottery shards make a crackled spider web of red and white colors.

    Cause I’m your friend!

    I like twitter but I hate when people start sending hundreds of messages back and forth and you have no choice but to either scroll past their messages or unfollow them.

    Another thing that I’m always so nervous about on twitter is that when I read a celebrities’ post, I always feel compelled to respond back even though I’m sure they get hundreds of tweets a day.

  • I agree with Shawn. My Facebook account is restricted to people I know, in some form or fashion. It’s like a giant chat room of my life. Twitter is full of folks I don’t really know but find enjoyable.

  • Chuck – I found myself nodding several times as I read this post.

    I actually dread FollowFridays, because there’s too much @ crap in my twitter stream. Plus it seems like a constant you tweet my back, I’ll tweet yours kind of thing.

    • Sheila —

      Indeed. I like the spirit of #ff, but it ends up often a redundancy, and a noisy one at that.

      Same with RTs. People should follow hearts and preferences, not the breadcrumbs of social media.

      — c.

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