The Many Depravities Of Santa, The Mad Satyr

Let’s see.

A succubus-level Tooth Fairy monster hottie who eats children’s teeth and, if I recall, shits out money?

Santa as ex-satyr, hopping around the world, leaving his seed in as many wombs as will allow entrance for his, erm, randy candycane?

The Easter Bunny masturbating outside a window?

Missus Claus gang-banged by the North Pole elves?

Blood? Gore? Sex?

Feels like Christmas to me.

Several years back, I read a book. This book — Santa Steps Out by Robert Devereaux — was a “fairy tale” for adults, and was easily one of the more jaw-dropping envelope-pushing stories I’d read in a long time. It was equal parts hilarious and touching. It was shocking and horrific. It was sexy and sweet.

It was, in short, deeply fucked.

I loved it. And I lent it out to many, and have not seen the book in… I dunno, over seven years, easily.

It’s hard for me to do a proper review, because it’s been so long since I read the damn thing, but I now itch to get my hands on it again. Curiously, it was a book that made the news: some jackoff in Cincinnati bought the book at a Kroger’s, went home, read… apparently very little of it, and then got on the television and said the book was immoral (well, okay, I guess it is), and it featured bestiality and child pornography (erm, no — well, okay, the Easter Bunny, a mythic being, does masturbate with some frequency, if I remember correctly). You can read Devereaux’s response to that mess — “God Bless America, Except For Parts Of Cincinnati.”

So, I’m sitting here thinking, “Gosh, I really would love to get my hands on that book again.”

And I’m further thinking, “Y’know, I remember that this was supposed to be Book One of his fucked-up Santa stories.”

And then I’m poking around the Internet and I find Devereaux’s site and –

Holy shit, last year he wrote a sequel.

Santa Claus Conquers the Homophobes.

Well, good goddamn, I just got kind of excited.

That might just have to be a post-Christmas gift to myself. And, if anybody’s got a good lead on a non-expensive copy of Santa Steps Out (or you’re one of the dirty bastards who has my copy), throw a head’s up, will you?

Anyway. This is a short one, it being Christmas Eve and all, but I figured I’d make that quickie recommendation to all y’all peeps.

Have a holly. And also, a jolly.

I’ll be back with some Christmas memories in the morrow.

9 comments

  • Sounds like these might be good Christmas gifts for my wife. Or maybe just ‘gifts’ since she appreciates gifts that arrive out of the blue rather than being motivated by the obligation to a “capitalist” holiday.

  • Clever! I am going to start looking for a copy, too. This sounds like it’s depraved, but definitely original.

    Thanks for the reccomendation! I always wondered where they got the filling for the Cadbury eggs.

  • I bought and read Santa Steps Out when it first hit the shelves and adored it, but I’m sick and twisted like that. I still have my copy, because I don’t lend books out to anyone (well, my husband, but he lives in the same house, so if he doesn’t give it back, I can always find him to break his kneecaps). I didn’t know there was a sequel out; now I have something to get myself for post-holiday fun. Thanks!

    • Jennifer —

      I’m here to help!

      It is a novel both mighty and twisted.

      I shall adopt your “no books to anybody except spouse” rule, I think. :)

      — c.

  • Oh holy fuck. I had that book in my hands in Giant Bookstore with Very Small Inventory when I worked there and let it slip away.

    Fuckity fuck.

    Fuck.

    Merry Christmas!!!

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