Painting With Shotguns XI: “Computah Won’ Boot” Edition

May I Help You? Well, goddamn you, sneaky Windows gremlins. They creep in during the wee hours of the night and update my computer with their Windows Update nonsense, but apparently in the process get their sticky jam-hands and toffee-fingers all over everything, thus stopping my computer from actually booting. Good times! Thanks, Windows Update. Now I have to roll back updates and find out which one is blocking the boot process. I imagine I’ll find like, a half-a-Zagnut bar and a broken G.I. Joe in there.

Good news is, I have another computer.

Hence, it’s time to jack a load into your face.

…uhh, I mean, a shotgun load. Like, birdshot. You have foul minds, all of you.

  • Speaking of shotguns and… well, fowl, I intend to shoot some fowl next week. Pheasants in particular, though if any chukar or quail get in my way, well, then Hell Comes To Birdtown. Got me a hunting dog for the day. Just need to buy some shells for the ol’ 20 gauge over-and-under and we’re good to go.
  • I think it’s time to spread some pimpage around —
    • Congrats to David and Filamena, with the birth of their new scion, Acacia “Katy” Crimefighter. Everybody is reportedly healthy and happy. Yes, Crimefighter is part of the name. Yes, that means that the child will spurn them and ironically become a Criminal Mastermind, thus fooling the authorities (“Buh-buh-but her name is Crimefighter, how is that possible, Sarge?”). And yes, it means the child will earn slings and arrows from her criminal peers (“Snicker, Crimefighter? Such delectable irony! Dangle her over the alligator pit, Number Three-Point-One-Four!”).
    • Marty is blogging again. This is good news. So, bop on over to The Seven Keys of Ventoozlar and say “hi.” Actually, this coincides nicely with another link I found on the same day Marty talks about Dustin Nguyen: Watercolor Superheroes.
    • “Lift and Drag,” a poetry chapbook by Will “The Skill” Hindmarch, is really great stuff. Listen, I am not a fan of modern poetry. Most poetry is written with a criminally overwrought hand — but that’s because any asshole can slam words together and call it poetry. Will, on the other hand, writes with a deft touch, a controlling grace, and that means you should go and check out the aforementioned chapbook. In this case, Will isn’t actually supplying new words, but a new arrangement of words. He finds surprising art in an old flight manual of his father’s. In case you’re wondering, the chapbook is free, though it’s worth considerably more than nothing — which is why you could throw him some bucks were you so inclined.
    • It’s been a little while, but have you been to Wood Ingham’s site? Go now. He’s another guy who writes poetry that actually gets me excited rather than poetry that makes me want to put my foot through someone’s lower jaw.
    • RADAR, a series produced by the Workbook Project and created by cohort Lance Weiler, is great stuff — little five-minute micro glimpses into the creative world and the tools that give us power in that world. Well, they have a second season going right here. If I may recommend two specific episodes? The Dr. Sketchy’s episode, and the Mixtapes From My Ex episode. Also good is this live digital design entrant, Cut & Paste.
    • New Friend Julie — you may have missed it, but she is currently occupying the space here under Holy Shit, Free Thing. You should read it. It’ll punch you in the heart.
  • This week sees the wrap up of some projects, which is nice. I’ll have a little breathing room and can then… figure out what happens next. Some opportunities flirt with each other on the horizon. Not sure which one will dance on over and put the moves on me. We’ll see.
  • Dragon Age, sorry, pal. You’re too slow. You failed to keep up with the Joneses, and now Modern Warfare 2 is in my life, and it knows all the sexy dances.
  • I am thisclose to finishing Mister Slaughter. Soon, a review. If you’re a Kindle keeper, then you can find McCammon’s epic Swan Song for like, $6.39. Worth it.
  • ABC’s V has lost me. It’s not a bad show. But it just hasn’t hooked me. I only like one character out of many; some I find actively unpleasant (like the protag’s son, ugh). Sorry, V. If  hear good things, we shall meet again on the fields of DVD.
  • Oh, and Dollhouse is canceled. This is not a surprise. This should not be a shock. Whedon squandered his chances on the second season, you ask me — unless this is Fox’s fault, I dunno. Point is, Season One took about six episodes to really get going, and then it did some really slick things. Season Two should not have made use of the same framework, but it did — first several episodes were formulaic slogs, and only on the last episode did it finally start to pick up again. Hey, TV real estate is prime. You can’t waste time, or time wastes you. Dollhouse, I’ll miss you — but you were too precious to live, I think.
  • Shows that don’t suck? Psych. I genuinely look forward to each day, where I catch up on an old episode during dinner. Glad to have discovered this show.
  • I continue to seek new ideas for writing-related posts. If you have ’em, throw them at my head. By which I mean, utilize the comments section, if you please.
  • Let’s see, addicting web game where I create a pathogen and release it into the world and strategize its infection vector? Pandemic 2, yes please!
  • Finally — “Yes, I am the Motherfucking Pterodactyl, Here to Ptero You A New Asshole.”
  • Pterodactyl is hard to type. That is all.

[EDIT! Oh, holy crap, the laptop will boot again. Mercy of Mercies, Lawds-a-Mighty.]

[EDIT #2! We’re talking questions over at The Storyverse. Go there. Hunt up the comments. Ask us anything. Really. We’ll answer it.]


  • Thank you for the shout out. And for the space on your site.

    My first ‘zine submission winged itself away last night. I’ll let you know what happens. 🙂

  • Another show that doesn’t suck is White Collar. It’s smart and funny like Psych but also easy on the eyes.

    Also, I have more patience for Dragon Age. Either I’m picking up tips on plotting and dialog from the guys at BioWare or I’m just incredibly boring.

    • I’ve heard good tell of White Collar.

      Dragon Age — it’s mostly me, I’m not really knocking the game (er, overmuch). I have a very skeptical view of fantasy, and find a lot of it very contrived. Further, I’m not a patient guy. I could be doing a lot of things with my time, and a game that asks me to invest 80 hours is great in terms of value, but less great if they’re not going to make those 80 hours all entertaining ones. Again, for me. Frankly, I’m out of step on Dragon Age, I know that. Most people love it.

      Also: Stew Wilson speaks smartness about the PC version —

      — c.

  • I feel like it’s been too long since someone commented with words like “cock gobbler” in them. That’s just me.

    V sucks, it’s just bor-ing. And it feels like it’s being written by Birthers. Modern Family remains the show I cannot live without.

    I almost want to learn how to use an XBox controller to play Modern Warfare, it looks so cool.

    • More… “cock gobbler” comin’ right up?

      I almost wrote “cock cobbler,” which is totally different.

      V as written by Birthers.


      — c.

  • Hey, thanks for the shotgun blast in my direction, bub. I wish I had some way to measure the number of downloads I’ve gotten so far, but I believe the number to be more than four, so that’s something.

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